Wine. Make it a large.

Well. I wanted to post a message earlier, but I was a bit too sad.

I had my identity stolen on Thursday. Some stupid little turd opened a credit card with an £800 limit in my name!! No! I spent most of the day faffing around sorting that out. And I have managed to contract a virus that is (I’m assured) not contagious and has no treatment aside from ‘it will get better in about 6 weeks’, but does (I can confirm) have a horrific rash that makes me look like an extremely contagious diseased person. Lovely. Lovely, just what I needed this week. THANKYOU UNIVERSE YOU STUPID SHIT.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the scan today, but I couldn’t eat the Danish pastry my lovely husband bought me for breakfast so I guess I wasnt feeling too optimistic. Turns out that even though the surprecur didn’t work, it worked its magic on growing a nice big juicy cyst on my ovary that ruptured a couple of days ago, hence the horrible, sharp stabbing pains I had. I’ve always had a lot of abdominal pain, and I thought it was worse than normal because I was worrying about IVF, but turns out it was real pain! Whoo! I’m not mental! Win!!

The doctors and nurses were so lovely, even though it was bad news I feel ok. They told me a couple of sad-sacks* like me have these problems each month, but even though it takes longer they get there in the end. The clinic I am visiting treat around 500 people a year so I am in a small minority, but what can I do?! I wish it was easier, but I’m glad I’m strong enough to keep going when it gets hard. I don’t suppose anyone’s life is very easy. (And if it is and you are reading this, PISS OFF RIGHT NOW).

So, the plan now is for my period to return from exile… which, if you are listening, COME BACK!! I AM SORRY! The consultant said that the lining of my uterus looked like my period would start within the next 2 weeks. It has been 6 weeks since my last period, and my cycle has been 27 or 28 days my entire life aside from when I had Zoladex, so I (and the doctor) am hopeful it will reappear soon.

I will either have a scan when my elusive period returns from holiday, or in 2 weeks when the doctor will give me a progesterone injection to make it come back.

The reason I felt so sad was that even though either way, naturally or progesterone induced, my cycle will start again in the next 2 weeks, this cycle is cancelled again for another month. I have to wait another month after this before we can even start thinking about IVF again. I feel so sad. I thought that I would have my egg collection at the end of April, and the way it’s going it will be the end of August. At best. Boo.

The nurse I spoke to today said that for some people it really is 1 step forward and 2 steps back. I don’t know what to say. I’m so fed up that I have been in the ‘it’s very unlikely, but this might happen’ category every time I visit the bloody hospital (I imagine this isn’t really true, but I feel like it is today). I’m fed up that in the last 4 weeks my body has grown a cyst so big that IVF has been postponed another month at least. I’m fed up that my right ovary is full of endometriomas that can’t be operated on again because I’ve had too many operations already and it’s not worth it versus affecting my egg reserves. I’M FED UP! But, my left ovary looks ok. It’s not attached to my kidney like the right one. I’ve got a big glass of wine and fish and chips for tea. I have a lovely husband. It’s sunny outside.

So… I need some good news! Please! If you have any good news then let me know… It’s in short supply at my house!

BB xx

*not sure they specified the term actual sad-sack.


5 thoughts on “Wine. Make it a large.

  1. dancinggirl

    I’m not sure what to say 😦 sorry you’re having a tough time of it, I’ll be thinking of you and hoping things take a turn for the better soon, chin up xx

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh thank you! Your last post on baking made me laugh. How did the actual baking turn out? Good luck cooking the baby 😉 I was a bit distraught on Friday but am more zen now. Not much I can do really (aside from lie around feeling sorry for myself!) I’ve spent this morning looking at holidays. Since it’s all been postponed again I reckon I can squeeze in/deserve a week in the sun!!


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