On your marks, get set, go… oh.

Never mind, sorry. My mistake, go back to the start. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200/eggs.

I started this blog a couple of weeks ago when I thought that my IVF, part 2 was just on the horizon. How wrong was I? Initially I was devastated that the Suprecur hadn’t worked, but I (unwillingly, and with all the grace of a bear with a sore head) resigned myself to waiting 10-14 days for my cycle to return so that I could go back to square one and start the pill again for 3 weeks, followed by more super-strength injections. Alas no. The universe had other ideas and the follicle that had already raged against the system-suppressing Suprecur outstayed its welcome, flapping about on my ovary, and ballooned into a giant cyst. I’m pretty sure those are the exact words the doctor used. Boo for me. The 10-14 day wait has turned into least 10 weeks. I can’t believe I cried over having to wait 10 days.

I’ve put all my plans on hold since February thinking IVF was just around the corner. There are so many appointments! I’ve put off booking holidays, wriggled out of wedding invitations, avoided family gatherings (probably will do my best to carry on with that forever more – Fun things people say when you are infertile could probably be re-named ‘fun things relations say at family gatherings’). I’ve hidden away in my house like a sad little hermit hoping that if I can just hang on another 6 weeks, I can return to civilisation. That aint happening is it? Can I take to ground for the whole year? Longer? When will it end?!

I was clueless when it came to IVF. I had absolutely no idea what the drugs were, or what to expect before I started. I certainly had absolutely no effing idea that after 3 weeks of the pill and 2 weeks (in the end it was 3 weeks) of Suprecur that I’d go for my down regulation scan to find out that I had ovulated anyway! I had no idea that the Suprecur might not work. Isn’t that stupid? Why didn’t I look into it properly?

All the waiting, disappointments and set backs have been getting to me this week. I’ve realised that although I kept my expectations over whether it would work or not in check, I was most certainly counting on having an end date and some closure. I find it so hard to deal with; constantly almost there. I want a full stop to this chapter! (Or more preferably, a happy ending).

I’m really interested to know how everyone is getting on with their IVF treatment, but at the same time I’m so jealous! I’m fed up of all the waiting (have I said that already?). I started this blog to find other people in a similar situation because I don’t know anyone in real life who has had/is having IVF. What am I going to put on my blog now?! (I can actually hear the internet groaning ‘oh no, there are only so many pictures of big dogs driving cars I can take’). Am I going to have to re-do the tag line to ‘Let’s talk IV eff… in about 10 weeks I guess, probably 13 until I start on the good stuff?’ Not very snappy.

Oh man, I can’t believe I am still writing. I bet you can’t either. I need to get out more. I definitely need something to take my mind off waiting and counting down the days to IVF (or not, if the universe gets its way). I am therefore compiling a list of targets for the next few weeks until I can (hopefully) start the pill again. I will probably regret this/get bored of it in a week, but anyway so far I have:

– Finish a painting (I start them all the time, but very rarely ever finish)
– Finish the rag rug for the kitchen (I don’t start these all the time, but I am half way through and it’s getting boring now)
– Go for a run three times a week (I keep changing that back to 2)
– Cook 2 new meals every week
– Crochet something useful (not sure if that is technically possible, but I am learning to crochet and so far I can confirm I am a total expert at squares).

God I sound like a loser. Can you think of anything better/cooler/less like the hobby of an 80 year old lady to add to my list? I need help. I can however confirm that I have already ticked off one 30 minute run. Check out the day-glow white trainers:

Finally, one bit of good news from the weekend. Do I feel like shit? Yes! Do I have horrendous cramp? Yes! Do I look crappy and fat? Yes! Lethargic? Yes! Grumpy? Oh God, yes! Ding, ding, ding, the uterus is back in business. Bad news is that this means another scan tomorrow, and I am requesting no more random bad news I had no idea to expect in the first place.

BB xx

P.s. The stoneware menagerie ring box squirrel is still my screen saver. It’s zoomed in so all I can see is its big googly eye and broken acorn lid.


10 thoughts on “On your marks, get set, go… oh.

  1. jack joseph's mom

    Those aren’t 80 year old hobbies! They are some of my favorites!! 🙂 don’t be too hard on yourself. I used to set targets for myself, and then be disappointed when I missed the mark. Now I just keep the list and do something when I am ready. Trying to do too much is overwhelming, and in turn you doing nothing – or at least that’s me! Love the shoes! Big hug!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks 🙂 I am a bit sorry for myself this week… I like the idea of just making a list and ticking off stuff when I can. I am terrible for setting goals and missing them! Thanks for your message, cheered me right up Xx

  2. dancinggirl

    Oh dear:( that’s a pain alright, sorry things are not going quite to plan. I guess you do have the time now to do things you have been putting off- like a holiday. Don’t hit me for saying this ok? but maybe throw yourself into the various weddings/ family occasions you’ve been avoiding- eat nice food, drink and go to nice places. Try and enjoy this “break” before it all kicks off again. Will be thinking of you.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh, thank you 🙂 I got your message when I was in the hospital all bummed out and sorry for myself… You are right, hiding away doesn’t do any good really. It turned into quite a strange appointment in the end… After all the faffing around last week, my IVF/ICSI cycle is now starting today!! Can’t believe it really!! How are you getting on? You must be getting to the good bits soon!! Xx


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