Entering enemy territory

I used to be deeply, deeply suspicious of people who did not drink caffeine. The ones who on being invited into my home and offered a latte or cappuccino would meekly turn me down with, “Oh no, I really shouldn’t, could I just have a hot water?”

NO YOU CAN’T. Are you really SO PURE that you think a latte is BAD? I don’t know how we are even friends. I suspect they are cut from the same cloth as those who would turn up to my house at 8pm at night and when offered a drink would request a peppermint tea instead of a beer. This is the type of person I used to call “freaks”. They were my nemesis. And now I am one of them.

Since giving up caffeine, I have invested lots of energy into finding a decaf that actually tastes like coffee. My success rates have been mediocre; it just ain’t the same without the caffeine fix. I have branched out recently into herbal and fruit teas. My latest experiment was liquorice tea. The packet says, “No wonder the Egyptian Pharaohs treasured the aromatic liquorice root.” I say it tastes exactly like the after taste you have in your mouth when you have spent the morning being sick following a night of too much alcohol.
Summary: tastes like puke and evokes vague feelings of shame.

Nothing else has been that bad. I’ve also tried camomile and honey, lemon and ginger, peppermint, fruit teas in general. Nothing however compares to my own invention! Hot Wapple. This is my patented design of 1/3 to 1/2 apple juice warmed in the microwave and topped up with hot water. Normal cold wapple is just called “Wapple”. I am so sure that nobody else has ever thought of this so I am not going to google it to check. I sometimes also have Worrange (note: I feel it is grammatically correct to spell this with 2 rs. Don’t judge me, I do know how to spell orange).
WARNING!!! DO NOT USE ORANGE WITH JUICY BITS. This is wrong, more wrong than you will ever know if you are lucky. It’s got a bit of the liquorice-sick-association to it.

Aside from experimenting with caffeine-free beverages, I have made some headway on the to do list I made when I thought my IVF was delayed by months and not weeks (12 days until I start the down regulation drugs again fact fans!!)

Progress Report:

1. I have done 2 runs. Not 3 I know, but it’s been rainy and what kind of lunatic runs in the rain? Not my kind, I can tell you that.
2. I have made rag rug progress. You can also see my finger toes, lucky you.
3. I have cooked a ton of new meals, including 3 Thai dishes and some gluten free chocolate chip and cherry cookies.
4. I have done some work on a painting I started. Obviously I am far too shy to put a picture of this up, so you will just have to believe me.
5 Crocheting fell by the wayside, but I did draw my husband a cartoon of our IVF story this week, which he called, “really horrible, but funny”. At least I presume he was talking about the cartoon and not me.

Anyway, I digress. I could kill for a latte right now. Does anyone out there have any good coffee/tea replacement hot drinks? I am getting desperate.

Finally, as an aside, I am also deeply suspicious of people who play Catan (the board game. I believe it is called Settlers in the US). Have you ever played it? It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Only agree to play it if you like the thought of actually dying from boredom. Maybe that’s the fun of it, will I survive or not? Maybe I should go have a hot water to calm my fraying nerves.

BB xx


17 thoughts on “Entering enemy territory

  1. newtoivf

    I know exactly what you mean….how did we come to be these people? I do all sorts of ridiculous things I would have scoffed at years ago. I have something called ‘sleepy tea’ by clipper teas instead of normal tea…if you put a little bit of milk in it it kind of looks normal!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      How did we become ‘these people’?! I hope in my case it’s not karma. I am going to try the sleepy tea… If it looks normal it’s probably better than anything I’ve had so far!!

  2. lisaliteration

    I can’t give you any coffee substitute tips, but as for tea, have you tried rooibos? It doesn’t quite satisfy like caffeinated tea, but it tastes pretty good (loads better than vomit), and I know there are chai, Earl Grey, etc. blends out there. I was extremely excited when I discovered rooibos. You can also decaffeinate tea by steeping it for like 30 to 45 seconds, dumping it, and then resteeping it. This doesn’t remove all the caffeine from the tea, but it comes close.

    Side note: It is a mystery to me as well why people are so fascinated with Catan. I don’t get what’s so appealing about trading sheep for roads or whatever. Maybe it’s the hexagons.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Argh, I have never found a fellow hater of Catan! Yes! Let’s be best friends!! People I know either love it (we aren’t friends anymore), or haven’t heard of it. I am going to look into rooibos right now. I’ve never heard of that before, so thanks šŸ™‚ anything that doesn’t taste like vomit is a definite bonus x

      1. lisaliteration

        I don’t think I’ve ever met another person who hated Catan either! Catan players are like a weird cult of some sort. My husband is one of them… Let me know what you think of the rooibos if you try it šŸ™‚

  3. redbluebird

    I was on a mission to find delicious decaf coffee to make at home, and eventually ended up ordering a brand called Kicking Horse from Amazon. They use the Swiss Water process for decaffeination, which I like to tell myself is healthier than the alternative. It’s actually really good. I drink different herbal teas and rooibos, but will likely stick to rooibos if I ever actually get pregnant.
    I call it Settlers of Catan, and I hate it. My brother-in-law always tries to get us to play it when we go visit them (that or Ticket to Ride). Yawn.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yes! We should start a group United Against Catan. Does your bro in law have children? The only link I have found between Catan lovers and non-Catan lovers are if you have children you love Catan, and if you don’t, you are normal and think it’s the worst thing ever. I am going to order some Kicking Horse to try… The reviews look great. And I’d never heard of rooibos until I posted this… Am definitely going to try that too. Thanks very much!! X

  4. catschristmas

    I fully support roobis, I love it, it’s got a real hearty taste to it that works. I too am now one of thos people, i actually bought a soy, de-caff, iced coffee with no cream the other day, and yes the barista and I shared a scoff and a laugh at the order!! I still can’t quite believe I’m surviving without coffee but some-how I am! X

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ok, rooibos is well and truly on my to-buy list. I’d never heard of that before… I am a total convert to blogging. I might need to start putting all of my problems online for other people to fix, it’s great! And how did we become these people?! Iced latte, no coffee, decaf, and hold the cream. Milk? No, NOT REAL MILK ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?! I could cry I miss coffee so much!

      1. catschristmas

        Yeah the look I get given from baristas everywhere re is priceless! Think you may be my alter-ego as my sewing machine has never had so much love since I started this! To be fair I do make stuff for my online shop, but it is SO soothing and whiles away the time. Plus I don’t feel guilty watching TV all day if I’m sewing too! šŸ˜ƒ

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        I have a horrible feeling that if I am your alter ego, you are good and I will be evil. I am so the same with making stuff/watching TV. My current dirty secret is The Vampire Diaries. Don’t tell anyone. What’s your online shop? Can I have a look?! X

      3. barrenbetty Post author

        Yeah no probs. I’m an expert yeller. I love your website!! It’s awesome. The bunting is sooo cute. If I ever do get me a baby, I will need some bunting and baby massage tips!! I used to have my own website but I closed it last year cos I didn’t have enough time to keep it going. I registered for Folksy which is like Etsy in the UK, but that’s as far as I got! You have inspired me to get cracking šŸ˜‰ x

  5. dancinggirl

    I have to admit to not reading your entire post. I read the first paragraph which just made me think how much I’d like a coffee right now. So I’ve just put the kettle on and I’m off to enjoy an Americano from my Nespresso machine- don’t hate me!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Noooo, you just made me choke on my ‘Moment of Calm’ mango, cinnamon and orange fruit tea. Have a cappuccino for me will you? All I can say is that you missed out on seeing a picture of my finger toes if you only read the first paragraph. Yeah, you missed out big time x

  6. Positive Pants

    Have you tried Nettle tea? It’s not a coffee substitute but its a nice herbal tea.

    Yes how did we become one of those people. I actually ordered a glass of hot water at a restaurant tonight. I don’t think it was filtered though. I’m such a rebel, living on the edge. Drinking unfiltered hot water. Ha!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I used to laugh in the faces of people who drank hot water, now look at me, I’m practically their leader. I’ve not tried nettle tea but I will look into it… Thanks!


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