Pregnancy announcement!!

Not me, obviously, jokes. Two of my very close friends have announced their pregnancies this week in two very different ways, and both have annoyed me the exact same amount. Another friend is due on Tuesday. I am genuinely happy for them. I certainly wouldn’t wish my situation on anyone; that would help nobody, least of all me. It perturbs me that I can be happy for them, but furious at the same time. I am obviously a tres complex human being.

I am not sure what is making me so angry. I think it’s the idea of ‘announcing’ something. A big, grand gesture like you have done something special. You have done something that everyone does, literally everyone as far as I know. Well done, big round of applause for being normal. You can now go join the normal club.

I thought that Facebook announcements pissed me off. We are friends aren’t we? Can’t you tell me in person? I thought text messages pissed me off (ESPECIALLY FROM FAMILY MEMBERS), is this so insignificant that you think it’s okay to just text me? Is it really that easy for you? This week an email announcement pissed me off because they made such a song and dance about keeping it low-key and wanting to tell everyone individually and keep it off Facebook. Oh, I’m glad you are TOO IMPORTANT to announce it on Facebook like everyone else. Yes, you are much, much more important than everyone else and your pregnancy should be kept secret like you are the effing queen.

The conclusion I have come to is that you cannot win. If you ‘announce’ a pregnancy in my face, for a second I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I hate that you are normal, I hate that you got pregnant naturally, I hate how pleased you are with yourself, I hate how happy everyone is for you, I hate that you have joined some weird mummy cult I will never be a part of, I hate it if you are relaxed or blasé about becoming pregnant, I hate it if you are far too over excited, I hate that you haven’t noticed how hard this is for me, and I hate it if you know how hard it is. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and for a second I really, really hate you too. I hate that something which is so private for most people until they do the ‘big reveal’ is so effing public for me. Either people know, or it’s not too hard to guess. I really hate it today. I don’t know anyone who has infertility. Nobody. Either I have no friends, or they are all too fucking fertile. I guess I will edit that swear word out tomorrow when I calm down but today I am angry. 1 out of 8 people struggle with infertility? Not in my life. Not even effing close.

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9 thoughts on “Pregnancy announcement!!

  1. Kitten

    Nailed it. There’s really no good way to tell an infertile, is there?
    When my niece was born, my husband posted a congrats on his Facebook page and tagged his brother. Minutes later, his SIL called to demand that he delete it, because they hadn’t called all their friends yet. 1) Is it really that much of a secret/surprise? 2) This is your second kid, get over yourself. 3) Being excited about our niece is not easy, given our infertility, so let us have this moment. It’s ALL WE HAVE!

    Reply
  2. lisaliteration

    Ugh, pregnancy announcements are the worst. Especially since the announcement is usually only the beginning of the smug bump pics (which draw equally annoying comments: “Oh, you’re glowing!”), the long-winded complaints about pregnancy, the gender reveal, the in-poor-taste nursery plans, etc. BUT at the same time, I must admit that I fantasize about someday being able to announce my own pregnancy… probably something along the lines of “BAM. [ultrasound pic].” 😉

    Reply
  3. dogsarentkids

    I agree, you nailed it! There is absolutely NO good way to announce it. I had a friend who has been trying for a few years with endo. Not as long as me, but still, infertility. She was so scared to tell me, she didn’t announce it on FB until she sent me a private message first. It was so sad seeing how bad she felt, I didn’t even get angry until much later.

    Reply
  4. elaaisa

    Though I agree there is no good way to announce pregnancies to an infertile, I have a strong preference for emails: it’s personal, not cold, yet it does not oblige me to show enthusiasm even in those few minutes of panic. I also think some announcements are better than others. Like please do not announce you are pregnant when I call you to congratulate on you finishing your PhD (call me another freaking time). Do not tell me how awful the last 5 months have been and tell me you didn’t say anything before because you were feeling like crap and wondering whether to keep the baby or not. Etc.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s true, tone is important. A friend who told me she was pregnant recently went onto complain about her morning sickness so much, she actually said she couldn’t understand why people ever had anymore kids. Yeah, well, some of us WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE PLEASE!!!

      Reply
  5. newtoivf

    oh god, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I HATE all of my friends!! of course I love them too, but I definitely hate them as well. My friend has just given birth to the second child she’s had in the time i’ve taken to not have 1 and I really really really don’t want to go and see it. When I get there I know I’ll fall in love with the little bundle and feel lovely and warm holding him but then I’ll have to listen to all the stories of how hard it all is and how lucky we are to be able to sleep etc etc and then I’ll leave and spend the rest of the afternoon crying. God I hate fertiles.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Urgh, I know, I’m the same. I hate how many of my friends have had 1 or 2 babies in the time I’ve had none. It annoys me more when they are super smug and pleased with themselves and don’t realise what I’m going through… They just act like they have beaten me in a race!!!

      Reply
  6. catschristmas

    I hear ya! It wasn’t until about 2 years into our TTC that I started telling family and friends that we were struggling, and then when I did out if the woodwork came two people I knew who had or still were seeking help too. I think once we talk then I gauruntee you will hear that someone else along your grapevine is struggling too. Plus I reckon so many more just don’t tell us they had struggled and so the myth of perfect fertility continues! On a side note, I gotta say I don’t like the whole fertiles or infertiles label – makes us all sound so robotic but each to their own!!

    Reply

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