Not me, obviously, jokes. Two of my very close friends have announced their pregnancies this week in two very different ways, and both have annoyed me the exact same amount. Another friend is due on Tuesday. I am genuinely happy for them. I certainly wouldn’t wish my situation on anyone; that would help nobody, least of all me. It perturbs me that I can be happy for them, but furious at the same time. I am obviously a tres complex human being.
I am not sure what is making me so angry. I think it’s the idea of ‘announcing’ something. A big, grand gesture like you have done something special. You have done something that everyone does, literally everyone as far as I know. Well done, big round of applause for being normal. You can now go join the normal club.
I thought that Facebook announcements pissed me off. We are friends aren’t we? Can’t you tell me in person? I thought text messages pissed me off (ESPECIALLY FROM FAMILY MEMBERS), is this so insignificant that you think it’s okay to just text me? Is it really that easy for you? This week an email announcement pissed me off because they made such a song and dance about keeping it low-key and wanting to tell everyone individually and keep it off Facebook. Oh, I’m glad you are TOO IMPORTANT to announce it on Facebook like everyone else. Yes, you are much, much more important than everyone else and your pregnancy should be kept secret like you are the effing queen.
The conclusion I have come to is that you cannot win. If you ‘announce’ a pregnancy in my face, for a second I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I hate that you are normal, I hate that you got pregnant naturally, I hate how pleased you are with yourself, I hate how happy everyone is for you, I hate that you have joined some weird mummy cult I will never be a part of, I hate it if you are relaxed or blasé about becoming pregnant, I hate it if you are far too over excited, I hate that you haven’t noticed how hard this is for me, and I hate it if you know how hard it is. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, and for a second I really, really hate you too. I hate that something which is so private for most people until they do the ‘big reveal’ is so effing public for me. Either people know, or it’s not too hard to guess. I really hate it today. I don’t know anyone who has infertility. Nobody. Either I have no friends, or they are all too fucking fertile. I guess I will edit that swear word out tomorrow when I calm down but today I am angry. 1 out of 8 people struggle with infertility? Not in my life. Not even effing close.