This post contains swear words, and maths

I pretty much lost my shit big time today. I’m glad my mum doesn’t read this, because my use of bad language since becoming a big fat barren has excelled. *takes a bow*

@subfertilechick (aka sent me a tweet in response to my fury today, which made me chuckle and calmed me down muchly (thanks). Unfortunately, in the meantime I had already made several rather rude comments rather too loudly, only eaten a third of my dinner before dramatically throwing my napkin on the plate (and staring angrily to the side), and refused the waiter’s kind offer of putting the rest of the food in a box with, “NO GIVE ME THE BILL.” I then instructed my husband to pay, and not leave a tip. Nice. My grand finale was storming out of the restaurant (ruined slightly by trying to push the door open from the wrong side, followed by pushing the door open from the right side, followed by realising it was a pull and finally bursting forth from the restaurant in a fit of fucking fury). Well done me.

What annoyed me so bad? We were at a nice(ish) restaurant. It’s an award winning independent Italian. The main courses are like, £15ish. Nice, but not going to break the bank. Anyway, it’s still quite a lot. When you add in starters and drinks, it’s a good £50 meal. I’m not made of gold.

I have a question. If you have a baby and a toddler, is it okay to take them to a nice(ish) restaurant for dinner at 8pm at night?

If your answer is:
A) Yes, please go to 2
B) No, please go to 3

2. FUCK OFF MY BLOG, and while you are at it, fuck off in general. Yeah, I mean you, FUCK OFF.

3. Let’s be friends, and maybe make an Act of Parliament to generally speaking keep most people with young children out of most restaurants after their bedtime. Obviously I appreciate there are occasionally exceptions to this rule, for which I will grant individual pardons if you give me a good enough bribe.

Where is 1? Who are you, the Queen of Sheba?

I am shit at maths, but I’m pretty sure we all know the equation: children + past their bedtime + restaurant = fucking annoying.

I am not allowed to scream all the way through my entire meal. I am not allowed to climb over other people and other people’s stuff. I am not allowed to get my tits out at the table to feed my three year old. I am not allowed to get my tits out at the table FULL STOP. I am not allowed to talk to my husband in a very loud stupid baby voice. I am not allowed to get my pooey nappy out at the table. I am not allowed to squeal with joy or fury while I am eating. I am not allowed to run round and round and round the restaurant. I am not allowed, but you, my child-bearing friends are. Oh yes. You are allowed to do all of those things and more because you have children. You are allowed to RUIN the evening of every single other person in the room who doesn’t have children, because you do.

Pardon? What was that? Oh! You are entitled to be here as much as me? Fuck that, no you aren’t. I’m not ruining anyone else’s evening by my mere presence in the restaurant; you are.

The end,

BB xx


21 thoughts on “This post contains swear words, and maths

  1. newtoivf

    Haha, brilliant and so true… sorry I missed your Twitter meltdown! I hate the way people with kids have extra special allowances and everyone has to accommodate them… you have kids, go home and be happy and leave the adult areas to us! At my brother’s engagement drinks there was a new born…in a bar. At 9pm. On a Saturday night.
    The only good thing about IVF is that for a few weeks you trump everyone else and they have to accommodate you! Xx

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      If you had seen the amount of swear words I used and inappropriate comments about boobs and breast feeding, you’d probably be pleased to have missed it!! I wasn’t in the best mood after yet another hospital appointment. Makes me so mad… Surely late night/evenings in bars and restaurants are safe?! I really think you can’t have it both ways. If you want kids, you can’t go out to nice restaurants anymore in the evening. Sorry. (Badly not really sorry).

      1. elaaisa

        I am about to go to a Bachelorette party where there will be a very pregnant girl and a girl with a four month old baby of course still being breastfed… Im not a big party person but if I have to I would at least ask for an absence of breastfeeding at the table..

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        I know breastfeeding is natural and it’s allowed anywhere, but something about it at the dinner table just turns my stomach. I guess I am probably more sensitive than most! It just seems a really personal thing to be doing in public. There is no way I could do it in a restaurant. I know it’s wrong, but I’d be as grossed out if they crouched down next to me and weed on the floor. That’s natural too isn’t it? Is that ok?!!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ha ha, thanks. I probably should post a lot less of the things I think!! I’ve calmed down now so starting to feel bad about all my bad language. Oops. In my imagination I am all lovely, kind and calm like you, and do lovely gluten free recipes. Unfortunately, infertility has actually brought out the angry, impatient, grumpy and chips-eating side of my personality instead :-/

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh man, a rock concert?!! The food yesterday was really good, and the first thing I thought when I woke up this morning was how bummed out I was that I hardly ate any because I got so mad. Guess there is a lesson in there I won’t learn.

  2. Nushi

    Haha! Completely agree! Kids or no kids …I do find it terribly annoying when people have their kids out way past bedtime. Completely ruins an adult evening!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      It really does!! Restaurants and bars are not places for little kiddies at night. They get so bored and tired!! I feel bad I got so mad now. Guess I pretty much ruined my own evening by letting it make me so mad in the first place! Hope you are doing okay xx

  3. immotileturtle

    I have a childless friend who in this exact situation always goes over to the family and tells them where the nearest MacDonalds & Pizza Hut are if they would like to get the fuck out of the restaurant. X

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Wowzers, me and her should totally make friends. My husband suggested moving tables, which I stoically refused and resolutely stood my ground having a crap time at our table and not eating my dinner. Pretty sure that makes me the winner.

  4. stupidstork

    Hahaha… What the.. I missed a Twitter meltdown?!

    No. Bringing your baby to a nice grown-up restaurant is like bringing your husband to an evening of lesbian poetry, bringing your dog to a cat adoption, bringing a keg to a 6 year olds birthday party or hiring Animal from the Muppets to play music at a funeral. Sense the tone of an event, pack and invite accordingly.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ha ha, so true!! Although the way I am going I might need to start taking kegs to 6 year olds parties with a straw for myself. I’m glad you missed the Twitter meltdown, it wasn’t pretty and included lots of offensive bad language and inappropriate comments about boobs :-/ oops.

  5. liesap

    This made me laugh. Especially the bit where you tried to leave by pushing the pull door. That would have made for somewhat less of a dramatic exit. Sounds like something I would do.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yeah, it wasn’t the best dramatic exit. I was really going for it as well, just ended up looking like a right moron. Guess I won’t learn though! :-/


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