The weeeee feeling and the plough

Alright, alright, I’ve calmed down. The marbles have been found, the nuts are out of the fruit loaf, the bats have flown the belfry. Or something. Actually, reading that back maybe the bats are still in the belfry. Whatever.

I’ve noticed a strange phenomena with the hot flushes that come with Suprecur injections. I had the same feeling when I had Zoladex, just then it was much more intense than this. I feel vaguely anxious all of the time, then just before a hot flush I get a feeling of extreme anxiety and the same feeling in my stomach that comes if you go down a rollercoaster. You know, the weeeeee feeling. It’s very strange when it’s so physical and disconnected from what I’m thinking about at the time. It just sneaks up on me, then weeeeeee! (sweat). One minute I’m sat around wondering if I should eat a digestive or a custard cream, whether I fancy Henry Cavill or Samuel T Anders more, then BAM, weeeee! (sweat). The feeling isn’t easily distinguishable from excitement, so in a way since these side effects started a couple of days ago, I feel vaguely excited all the time. Or anxious. Depends.

Well, that was a long way round to say nothing. I can’t remember where I’m going with this. Oh yeah, my body is excited. Hang on, that sounds very wrong. I’ll move on. I’m bruising terribly with these injections, so I’ve decided to inject myself in the pattern of star constellations. So far I’m going for The Plough on my left leg and it’s looking pretty sweet. I bet you like pictures of bruised, fat, white legs so I’ll post a picture ASAP once I’m done.

Some infertility related things and non-related things from this week so far:

1. I found a notebook from about 3 years ago (yawn, there is a point to this, I’m not just going to tell you what boring stuff I’ve done this week. If I was going to tell you that, I’d tell you that I cleaned out my kitchen cupboard and found 5 jars of marmite all in different states of consumption/decay. I don’t even like marmite? What does this mean?) Anyway, in an attempt to cheer myself up and be optimistic the Barren Betty of before-she-knew-just-how-barren-she-was wrote a really long list of baby names she liked. She’d forgotten doing that until she found the bloody notepad yesterday, but now she remembers going back and looking at it quite a bit over the first year of “trying” (puke). Hang on, slipped into the third person there. Crazy or lazy? I hope the grammar police aren’t reading this.

2. I also found a baby blanket I started knitting for myself about 2.5 years ago. How much of an idiot was I? Wait, sorry, I’m not starting that again. Suffice to say, it is only half finished. I can’t bring myself to finish it, or throw it away so it will probably remain that way forever.

3. Snails kept eating the vegetables I planted in my garden, so I put some snail killer down. I have killed 70 snails. Not sure that was worth a few lettuces.

4. I made some homemade pizzas at the weekend, and they weren’t as crispy on the bottom as usual. I threw such a major tantrum about this, I think my husband had to go and hide under a table for about 3 hours. In retrospect I’m wondering if I might have been upset about something else really and not the pizzas, although we all know nobody likes a soggy bottom.

I have literally just learnt that The Plough constellation is called The Big Dipper in the US. I literally feel like I am on a rollercoaster, and I am stabbing myself with a bruise tattoo of The Big Dipper. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

What star constellation shall I go for on my right leg? I quite fancy Orion, but it looks pretty big and I’m not sure that I am actually fat enough to pull it off.

BB xx

P.s. WordPress recommended I tag this with Breaking Bad. Eh?


9 thoughts on “The weeeee feeling and the plough

  1. newtoivf

    Ah yay you started getting side effects… see, it IS working!
    To avoid future massacres a good way to fend off slugs is to put broken egg shells down around your plants. Slugs hate erm, walking..slugging? over egg shells so they avoid.., guess its like going over a snail graveyard.
    And perhaps WordPress is trying to tell you to go out and get some crystal meth… then you’ll forget all about IF! (But would be a massive massive twat!)
    Memories of life ttc suck. Hugs xxx

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I wouldn’t have put the stuff down if I realised there was quite such a large colony out there. Oops. Will try egg shells next time, not that there are any left now!! I’m noticing the side effects at night mainly, but I don’t remember them this bad last time so I am hoping its blooding working this time around. Only 7 sleeps left until I can find out! Was a bit tragic finding the name list, what a fool. Maybe crystal meth is the way forward if this all goes pear shaped? Thanks WordPress! Bet you are excited today. Are you going in early tomorrow? Have you taken time off work? I hope it does really well, eeeek! Xxx

      1. newtoivf

        I feel pretty sick today…its all started to feel rather scary, all the other bits have been just playing – shit just got real! (I love the internet, I could never pull off saying ‘shit just got real’ IRL)
        Tomorrow seems both impossibly far away and stupidly close…I’m feeling the pressure of them ‘handing back’ the embryo and being like “its over to you now” arrghh!
        Luckily, my bosses have let me ‘work at home’ this week and next….they have been so wonderful. I just spoke to one of my directors about a project and he said “well anyway, you don’t want to be thinking about this you’ve got more important things to focus on so just forget all this”..I’m so lucky!
        Right, time for some yoga, relaxation, a bath and a lot of hand wringing!

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        That’s great your work is so flexible. I bet you hardly sleep a wink tonight! Yoga, relaxation and a bath sounds like a good idea to me. Will be thinking of you tomorrow… Shit just got real yo! (I just said that out loud and I can totally pull it off) xxx

  2. lydiaseeks

    I think this is the best sentence I’ve ever read about injections: “I’m bruising terribly with these injections, so I’ve decided to inject myself in the pattern of star constellations.”

    What a hilariously wonderful idea, love it!

  3. lisaliteration

    If you’re taking constellation requests, my vote is for Cassiopeia–a nice “W” shape. It could stand for “Why the eff do I have to do this?”

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Nice!! I like it. Totally going to be the bruise tattoo for my right thigh. Doesn’t look too hard either, plus it has a hidden meaning… Bonus!


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