I don’t like change

I don’t like change. I really don’t, and I had three bad omens when I rolled up for my down regulation scan today (down regulation scan number three, fact fans).

It all started off pretty badly when a man walked into the waiting room to return all his IVF drugs because his wife got pregnant naturally before they even started. My husband and I took this in our stride by him (muttering under his breath) “Not exactly the place to come and shout about it.” Me: “I wish he would eff off already.” My husband also miraculously managed to join in my bitch-fest whilst never removing his eyes or fingers from his work blackberry.

Anyway, back to The Bad Omens

1. I couldn’t have my pre-appointment nervous wee in my usual toilet. This is the hospital I have had all of my fertility appointments at, all my IVF appointments, all my pre and post operation appointments, as well as both operations. That is a lot of pre-appointment nervous wees I can tell you, and they have all been in the same toilet. My toilet. I don’t know what the lady in there was doing, but whatever it was she was doing it in total silence and taking a very long time. In the end I just gave up and used the toilet in the next cubicle.

2. There was a new nurse. I’ve been attending the Assisted Conception Unit for the last 20 months, so I pretty much know everyone now. I have never seen this nurse before. I didn’t like it. She looked nice enough, but new is change and change is bad. However, before this change had chance to upset the delicate balance of my universe, I heard the familiar clip clop. My nurse is the only nurse who always wears high heels. This is because she is the best nurse. She clip clopped into view and took me off for the scan. All good? Not quite.

3. There was a new scanning machine in a new room. My nurse needed training on the new scanning machine and since it’s my second cycle and I am a First Class Premiership All Star Dildocam Pro Expert, I was the chosen guinea pig. Anyway, it was fine. Although for some reason I had a quick glance at the dildocam. GOOD GOD. If you have never looked at it before, if you just take the scan as an opportunity to have a nice lie down/nap like me, DON’T EVER LOOK AT IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

My nurse also played a fun trick on me during the scan.

ME: (sweating profusely and shaking, eyes rolling from side to side like a mad horse) WHAT CAN YOU SEE? IS IT OKAY? IS MY DOWN REGULATED? (still can’t shake the down regulation/duvet/pillow association).

NURSE: (calm serene voice that only my nurse and opticians have) Lining looks nice and thin, 2.8mm and left ovary is quiet.

ME: (relaxes a tiny microscopic bit) That sounds hopeful.

NURSE: Now, let’s have a look at your right ovary. (Dramatic pause) Huh, that’s big.

Further pause and rummaging around that lasts about 5 hours according to me, or 5 minutes according to time.

NURSE: Ok, all fine.

ME: Umm, rewind please. What is big exactly? My ovary? A follicle?

NURSE: No, it’s okay your ovaries are quiet. The endometrioma in that ovary is quite bulky.

ME: *sigh of relief* (I think).

So that was that. The nurse shot me up with some Menopur and sent me packing. For some reason I’ve become utterly and entirely irrationally convinced that they will give me the wrong dosage that will lead to the drugs not working and the cycle being cancelled again. I asked 3 times today about the dose, and I was assured it is correct. They might adjust it next week if they need to after my next scan. From my limited understanding, I think I’m on about 50% more Menopur than someone my age who is “normal” and not riddled with endometriosis.

I’m very relieved and happy to be onto the next stage of IVF, but I guess like anyone, this is qualified by more worry about the hurdles yet to come. I can’t help but feel that success at one IVF level just means you’ve opened the door for more things to go wrong at the next. My main concern now is that I’ve been told I’m at risk of a very low follicle response to the stimulant drugs. Weirdly, I’m also at an increased risk of OHSS. I don’t get this. I wonder if it is like being desperately thirsty whilst simultaneously being desperate for a wee. One of life’s little mysteries. I won’t try too hard to work it out.

So I am officially on the Stimming Train. I’ve requested a one way ticket to egg collection and embryos with my final destination at Babies Please. I’ve spent the afternoon drawing cartoons which I will no doubt bore you with at some point, probably along with a long list of stuff that I’m eating and any other weird/boring crap I’m trying to make my eggs grow all nice and eggy.

If anyone has any recommendations for me, I’m all ears.

BB xx


14 thoughts on “I don’t like change

  1. My1111wish

    2 famous quotes can be applied to your post- Ben Franklin “insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” Taco Bell commercial “change is good” ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. dogsarentkids

    Doesn’t this chic know she is working in an RE office? How dare she pause even for a SECOND. And lots of luck to you!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yeah, damn them all!!! Thanks… I’m very happy to have reached the next stage. I was beyond worried this morning! I hope you are managing to keep nice and zen still on the dreaded 2ww xx

  3. mammacod

    Your posts always make me so happy–not because I take pleasure in your frustrations (believe me, I don’t) but because you make IVF *funny* (if not fun). And that is a skill. There’s a huge amount to be said for turning something that’s so inherently crappy into something that makes people giggle. So thanks for the constant attitude adjustments. And please, for the love of God, keep them coming. (Until you don’t need to anymore, which I hope is very very soon!)

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks! I would like turning the crappy into funny (even if it’s still not fun) to be my superpower. I’ve been keeping watch on your blog this week… sounds like you had a good egg harvest (pretty sure that’s a technical term). Am hoping the next few days go as well for you x

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks! I’m so pleased to be finally onto stims after last time, but I can’t help but feel a bit pessimistic. I’m looking forward to getting my first scan out of the way next week x


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