Big car, small car. Big follicle, small follicle.

I’m going to keep this short and sweet, and I imagine therefore dead factual and boring. I hope the joke police don’t arrest me (yes, Jenny Dogs Aren’t Kids, I’m taking to YOU). If you are a grumpy old fart too, I’m sounding the mundane alarm, ringing the boring bell, shaking the turd tambourine and banging the banal bongo. You’ve been warned.

Before I launch into my second stim scan appointment post mortem report, you know how it’s sorta funny when you see a really tall person next to a really small person? Or a really big dog next to a really small dog? I went for a walk yesterday and I found out it’s funny for cars too:

I feel like I should sell that to a greeting cards company. It could totally be some kind of lurve card; an engagement card or something? Call me Hallmark, I got loads more crap pictures where that came from.

So, the appointment. I know what most of you want to know, so I’ll start with my pre-appointment nervous wee. I didn’t need one, but I went to my usual toilet anyway and had a sit down. Usual nurse was there etc etc. All good. I didn’t get chance to write down all the measurements today, but as I recall I have 4 good ones on the right now measuring 22, 19, 18 and 16. Lazy lefty has made a half-assed mediocre effort and now has one at 13 and a load of titchers. I have injected my final Menopur, and my trigger is safely stowed away in the fridge. I’m shooting up at 10pm tonight and I’m first on the egg collection conveyor belt at 9am on Friday.

I had a little pathetic happy cry on the way home because I got too excited that I have 4-5 follicles that might contain 4-5 eggs that might make a baby. Then I had a little sad-sack-boo-for-me cry when I realised how unlikely that is to happen, and how many times I haven’t been pregnant already.

I have been scared the last 6 weeks that the drugs wouldn’t work again. Now I’m scared they won’t be able to reach any eggs, and that they won’t make any embryos. I’m scared that if they do and they transfer one or two that there is something else wrong with me that I don’t know about yet. Why have I never been pregnant? Never? Ever? 7 years of marriage and not one scare (of the pregnancy variety). I’m scared that my eggs are fertilising every month but something else is stopping them from implanting and I’ll only find that out through multiple rounds of IVF.

I’m going to stop looking too far ahead now. I also have a horrible feeling that those worries above are from the same worry shop as worrying about how fat you are when you are pregnant, complaining about morning sickness and whining that you don’t get enough sleep now you are a parent… I.e. THEY ARE NOT WORRIES. I WOULD KILL TO BE WORRIED ABOUT THAT. STOP COMPLAINING YOU STUPID IDIOT.

I will take my own advice now and stop worrying/stop being an idiot. Actually I am not sure I have much control over 50% of that.

BB xx

P.s. Ok, so WordPress has moved on from me wanting to tag my posts with Breaking Bad to Aspergers Syndrome and Jerry Newport? What? Why? And who is Jerry Newport anyway?

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21 thoughts on “Big car, small car. Big follicle, small follicle.

  1. IVFfervescent gal

    I am a really really short girl. 5ft tall or 154cm. I LOVE going to stand next to tall people when I see them in restaurants or bars. I just find it funny. There is probably something wrong with me (besides the premature ovarian failure thingie)

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Nah, I think it’s funny too and there is definitely nothing wrong with me. I always wanted to be small, but I’m 5′ 7″ and if I leave my hair to its own frizzy devices, it would add like another 5 inches on top of that.

      Reply
  2. lisaliteration

    Good luck! Time to give those eggs the pep talk. I know I had a few more follicles catch up to the big girls between my last ultrasound and the egg retrieval. It could happen! I’m not sure if it’s possible to not worry–just try to worry about one thing at a time.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks so much! That’s v encouraging. I hope just one of the little ones catches up so I have 5 follicles… Hopefully with 5 eggs inside. Guess I will find out soon enough :-/

      Reply
  3. redbluebird

    I would definitely buy a card with that car picture on it.
    I have a lazy ovary too. I’m glad yours is at least making a half-assed attempt to grow some follicles! It sounds like you have some good ones though– great news!!!!

    Reply
  4. Steph Mignon

    Love the picture, love this post! Such great news! But I know, I know – hold my horses, let’s wait to see how it goes (fabulous I hope). Also, I know what you mean about that “other thing” that might be happening to prevent a pregnancy. I’ve always thought it’s so ridiculous (complete crap actually) that we need to have several miscarriages before they’ll actually explore the different clotting issues and syndromes. Regardless, I’m sending you loads of positive energy and imagining that those eggs hold at least one beautiful, healthy baby. xoxoxo my endo sister!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks so much Steph! Your message has made me all excited again. They told me I’d be lucky to get 1 egg, so I feel like a potential 4 or 5 is a miracle already… I just hope they can get to them on Friday!! I’m feeling cautiously optimistic so far (for this stage at least). It’s insane to think one might become a baby. How are you doing? Hope you are well xx

      Reply
  5. journeyformybaby

    I was afraid of that happening to me…. finding out something was wrong after multiple failed ivfs. I’m going to be a real downer here and say I was right. There was something wrong. But I refused to move on to a second ivf without finding at least 1 potential reason my babies didn’t implant. (We transfered 4!) I don’t know for sure if its the REAL reason I didn’t get pregnant but I found out before starting ivf 2 that I have a genetic blood clotting mutation called MTHFR. (Yeah looks like a bad word lol.) They gave me baby asprin and lovenox blood thinner with my second ivf. Transfered 3 and all 3 stuck!! I lost 2 between 5-6 weeks. Don’t know why. But its worth a shot to ask your dr to check you for blood clotting issues or just go ahead and start baby asprin ect. Best wishes! Oh, and I only had 5 mature eggs my second go. We opted to ICSI 3. They all fertilized and grew. You just never know!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks! I think we will probably have to do ICSI because of my husbands sperm motility but we will see. I do think we have a bit of a sixth sense when it comes to our bodies… I’m glad to hear you stuck to your guns and found out what was wrong. I’m hoping I’m just being pessimistic, but it does seem pretty weird to me that I’ve been married 7 years, actively trying to conceive for 3 and never been pregnant. Guess I will find out soon enough!!

      Reply
  6. newtoivf

    I know exactly what you mean, I’m worried about exactly the same thing. Hmmm I’m now supposed to say something positive but I’m kinda out of positive at the mo, soz xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Nah, I’m all about keeping it real. No matter how much I try to ignore it, there is a little voice in my head (currently being squashed into the corner and jumped on) that says, “you know your own body Rachel (oops I mean Betty), and it’s behaving pretty weird.” I hope I’m wrong (for us both) xxx

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you 🙂 I know that I definitely won’t have any quantities to shout about, so I hope they are good quality at least. I guess I will find out soon enough! Just did my last injection and trigger shot so everything is well and truly out of my hands now.

      Reply

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