I am having a major wobble today. Not just an ankle-bend-high-heel-wobble-oops-I-don’t-think-anyone-saw-me, but a full scale Oh God, I think this ship is going down, I can’t stand up straight, I’m going overboard wobble.
I’ve had a few pregnancy symptoms over the last week or so, mainly very sore boobs, the odd bout of nausea, headaches and tiredness. Then yesterday, out of nowhere they stopped. Just stopped. All of them. Stopped. Gone away. Bye byes.
I have never felt so desperate to feel ill in my life. The only ailment that has replaced my pregnancy symptoms is cramp. Cramp that feels suspiciously similar to AF cramp. Doesn’t sound good does it?
I’ve spent longer than I am going to admit googling a sudden loss of pregnancy symptoms at 6.5 weeks and I have deduced that people fall into two camps:
a) It was fine, symptoms came and went and they had a healthy baby
b) It was not fine and they miscarried
Great, thanks Google, that really helps. I am still very tired, but I have a sneaking suspicion that may be related to the fact that I stayed awake all night crying rather than anything pregnancy related.
My boobs feel a bit sore again, but I have a sneaking suspicion that may be related to all the poking they have endured the last 24 hours.
I feel a bit sick again, but I have a sneaking suspicion that may be related to the extreme anxiety I am experiencing now.
Whatever is going on, I don’t feel the same as I did a few days ago.
I’ve been pretty zen about everything so far. I think I was so utterly and entirely astounded to actually see that line turn pink I have been in a state of disbelief ever since. Maybe my wobble is just because it’s getting more real; the scan is only 6 days away now. When it was 3 weeks, or 2 weeks away it was easier to cocoon myself in a warm fuzzy blanket of imagined baby names, baby clothes and cuddly new babies. It’s not so easy now. Half way through the 2WW I think that I wrote something along the lines of, “half of me is wishing the time away and half of me wants to stay forever in the place where I might still be pregnant”. I still feel like that now, just that the stakes are higher this time and it’s further to fall.
Yours, from the top of a very high place indeed and looking down,