Wobble

I am having a major wobble today. Not just an ankle-bend-high-heel-wobble-oops-I-don’t-think-anyone-saw-me, but a full scale Oh God, I think this ship is going down, I can’t stand up straight, I’m going overboard wobble.

I’ve had a few pregnancy symptoms over the last week or so, mainly very sore boobs, the odd bout of nausea, headaches and tiredness. Then yesterday, out of nowhere they stopped. Just stopped. All of them. Stopped. Gone away. Bye byes.

I have never felt so desperate to feel ill in my life. The only ailment that has replaced my pregnancy symptoms is cramp. Cramp that feels suspiciously similar to AF cramp. Doesn’t sound good does it?

I’ve spent longer than I am going to admit googling a sudden loss of pregnancy symptoms at 6.5 weeks and I have deduced that people fall into two camps:

a) It was fine, symptoms came and went and they had a healthy baby
b) It was not fine and they miscarried

Great, thanks Google, that really helps. I am still very tired, but I have a sneaking suspicion that may be related to the fact that I stayed awake all night crying rather than anything pregnancy related.

My boobs feel a bit sore again, but I have a sneaking suspicion that may be related to all the poking they have endured the last 24 hours.

I feel a bit sick again, but I have a sneaking suspicion that may be related to the extreme anxiety I am experiencing now.

Whatever is going on, I don’t feel the same as I did a few days ago.

I’ve been pretty zen about everything so far. I think I was so utterly and entirely astounded to actually see that line turn pink I have been in a state of disbelief ever since. Maybe my wobble is just because it’s getting more real; the scan is only 6 days away now. When it was 3 weeks, or 2 weeks away it was easier to cocoon myself in a warm fuzzy blanket of imagined baby names, baby clothes and cuddly new babies. It’s not so easy now. Half way through the 2WW I think that I wrote something along the lines of, “half of me is wishing the time away and half of me wants to stay forever in the place where I might still be pregnant”. I still feel like that now, just that the stakes are higher this time and it’s further to fall.

Yours, from the top of a very high place indeed and looking down,

BB xx

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24 thoughts on “Wobble

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I keep telling myself worrying is doing me no good, but I can’t stop now! It came out of nowhere yesterday and smacked me in the face. Thanks for your thoughts… Ill try and do the same now! x

      Reply
  1. immotileturtle

    Symptoms are not the be all and end all. My boss continued to have symptoms for weeks after her miscarriage. Each body responds differently. Cramps are super common. We can do this. 6 sleeps to go xxx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yeah, I know. My boss just had a baby last month and she had no pregnancy symptoms whatsoever all the way through. No matter how much sensible talk I have, my brain is in major wobble mode today. I’ve been and bought some twister ice lollies to cheer myself up. I do have a terrible headache now, but that is probs from all the wailing. I would quite like to just do one MASSIVE sleep instead of 6 little ones with whole days inbetween. Good idea?

      Reply
  2. redbluebird

    I think the only cure for the worrying is time. At least for me. I’m still worrying, but it’s much better than it was at 6.5 weeks.
    Symptoms definitely come & go. I analyze every teeny tiny sensation in my body though, so I understand. And everyone is different with the symptoms they experience. My cousin, who recently had an oops baby (grrrr!), had no symptoms other than growing breasts. Other people throw up all the time. You never know. And that’s what sucks.
    Is there any way they could get you in for a scan sooner? Tell them you’re losing your mind? You’re at the point where they should be able to hear a heartbeat this week. I know that my RE told me if I was freaking out he’d let me come in for a scan in between OB visits.
    Sending some calming thoughts your way (not sure where I got those from, but there you go)!!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Your RE sounds sooo much better than mine. There is no way they would deviate and let me go in for a scan early. Boo. I really wish it had been Friday and that I didn’t have to wait all weekend, but what can you do. Part of me thinks the later it is the better, since if it’s looking okay at almost 8 weeks then there is a nice big chance it will stay that way. Not sure I would freak out less with a bunch of earlier scans, or whether it would fuel my fire and give me even more to worry about!! Thanks for the calming thoughts. I was really sick and felt crap yesterday so that’s calmed me down a bit too πŸ˜‰

      Reply
  3. journeyformybaby

    I too googled “loss of symptoms at…” It was a weekly thing for me. It scared me out of my mind! I also read the “all was fine” and the alternative comments. I guess it just boils down to your own body. For me it was fine although my sanity suffered.

    Reply
  4. lamentingthelentil

    oh god, i know this feeling. symptoms are very minimal for me and they are coming and going. some days i feel 100% normal except for sore nips, other days i have to force myself to eat my grape nuts for breakfast. but no real nausea to speak of. i actually felt the worst two weeks ago, and everything has been very very mild since then. i’ve never before wished so hard to be vomiting. everyone assures me this is normal. and, i’m going to just go ahead and try to believe them. there is nothing else to do. i just wish that i can be successful in believing more often than i am not.

    thinking of you! 6 days will be here before you know it.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh my god, I just read your last post!!! WOWZERS!!! I take much comfort in your symptoms or lack thereof since we are exactly the same number of days pregnant. After my freak out earlier this week, I did have to spend the entire day in bed yesterday with a horrific headache and extreme sickness, whoo hoo! Feel fine again today. Good luck for your next scan… Is it in about a week? I will only have one on Monday (7w 3d) then not another until about 12 weeks… Eek!

      Reply
  5. Steph Mignon

    We’re in the exact same boat, you and I. Today my nips are tender blah blah blah! It’s really truly driving me crazy, but I’m going to try to let go. It will be. Or it won’t. Symptoms or no symptoms. Either way, I’m sending your uterus and embryo all the positivity I can muster. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks! And right back atcha πŸ™‚ I am swinging between being so happy I burst into tears to so terrified I cry all day about something going wrong. Basically lots of crying. I did lots of puking yesterday and felt truly awful, so that’s a step in the right direction. Feel fine again today of course. I don’t like the feeling of what will be will be… I want to be in CONTROL!! Waaaa!!!

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      4 more sleeeeps!!!! I puked up all day yesterday and had the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life so maybe my wobble was unjustified. Never been so happy to have my head stuck down the toilet bowl x

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      You are totally the expert. Having complained about feeling fine, I feel truly awful now, so does this mean it’s a singleton? I was so sick and ill all day yesterday I didn’t even leave the house, hooray!! Do you have another scan soon or will it not be until 12 weeks now?

      Reply
  6. Nushi

    I agree with the others….symptoms come and go so I wouldn’t read too much into it. Try and stay positive (I know its hard!) Hope you are feeling better now?

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hi Nushi… I’m feeling AWFUL now! Hooray! I complained too soon, obviously. I was in bed all day yesterday with a ferocious headache and I was sick ALL DAY. Having said that, I feel ok so far this morning so I guess everyone is right… Symptoms come and go. It’s just so nerve wracking after all this time!! I can’t wait until Mondays scan, hopefully that will calm me down (a bit).

      Reply

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