Dr Hero and some bonus jokes

Ok team, slightly disappointed that nobody played Spot the Barren. The answer was three, but I am keeping the prize since I am the only person who got it right.

Good news is, I have been to New Clinic. They were friendly, happy, smiley. If anything, my only criticism is that they were a bit too compassionate… I’m pretty sure the receptionist clasped me to her bosom when I arrived and the nurse gave me a long, understanding 20 second eye stare/hand hold when I informed her of my miscarriage. My new doctor seemed great. I’ve googled him and he has lots of fans online too. He wants to be more aggressive in my treatment as he didn’t feel that 2 eggs were a good enough haul last time.

My overriding impression of New Clinic was that they would be pro active. Their treatments are more personal and flexible. They were professional, but extremely personable and kind. Maybe it’s because I am paying now (*cries into an empty purse*). Who knows. Oh, and the waiting room had nice flowers in it, all good.

I can potentially go again at the end of October if my cycle returns in the not-too distant future. If not, I will down regulate over Christmas for a transfer in January. I think that’s probably the best plan; give my body and mind a bit of a break an’ all. I am terrified of how much worse the endometriosis will get in the meantime, but the doctor (let’s call him Dr Hero) went some way to alleviate my fears on that one.

Next steps are AMH (I’m not sure I am happy about this, sorta don’t wanna know) testing and a few other bloods this Friday, followed by an antral follicle count scan once my cycle comes back (anytime soon is fine by me if you are listening, uterus).

Small bit of Bad News. Paid to get a copy of my notes from Old Clinic. Read notes. Found out by reading notes that I have adenomyosis. Why, thanks for telling me! Apart from anything else, I can’t even say that word for shit.

I’ve been a bit gloomy recently, so here are some things that perked me up this week:

Googles searches for how people found my blog. I thought I should maybe respond/answer a few:

What is a dangerous enemy in sheep’s clothing?

It’s a very good job that you found me, friend. Hope is a dangerous enemy in sheep’s clothing. She leads you up the mountain with sweets and promises, then drops you from a great height. Reminder/warning:

Should I announce my pregnancy on Facebook?

Only if you want everyone you know to hate you.

Dog toilet greeting cards?

Is that a thing? I’m not going to google to find out. Is it “dog toilet, greeting cards” or “dog, toilet greeting cards”?

Don’t give a shit infertility

You tell ’em, sista!

My husband got drunk before EPU

I’m sorry, husbands eh? In his defence, I got completely shit faced before my last visit to the EPU.

Can you drink wine the day before an ERPC?

Hell yes you can.

Fun things infertility teaches you

I guess it depends on how much fun you find stabbing yourself in amusing bruise patterns, learning how to put things up your own bum and having multiple different people shine torches up your private parts while they rummage around.

Wee naked barren

Is that a command? I only normally do that in private, sorry.

Australian greeting anagram oldtoad

Was this you Ivffervescent? I’m not sure why you need to know, but as requested “G’day old toad” is an anagram of “old goaty dad”, “told dad yoga” and “dog told lady”

Ovarian torsion jokes

Ok, I’m not 100% convinced that ovarian torsion is that funny but here you go:

What did the left ovary say to the right ovary at the school dance? Lets to do the twist.

Ok, that is crap. Umm.

What did the left ovary say to the right ovary who twisted on its stem? Oh-vary dramatic of you.

No. Turns out everyone I know is right. I will never be a comedienne.

I’ll stop there before I go on forever. One final picture from outside a church that made me lolz proper:

BB xx

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35 thoughts on “Dr Hero and some bonus jokes

  1. IVFfervescent gal

    G’day old toad? nahhhhhhhh wasn’t me BB! Hey I LOVE the sound of your new clinic. I am so happy I have a good clinic – one that returns my calls, is nice to me, treats me like a real person. I don’t think I could cope otherwise. yes paying sucks, but the lack of aggravation is great, especially when you get to the pointy end of the cycle. Great news x

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Well, I did wonder πŸ˜‰ I hope the new clinic lives up to my expectations… At least they have so far answered the phone when I have called and been nice to me. Step in the right direction!!

      Reply
  2. ecutri

    And here all I get for Google searches is Sex Nazi’s and Dildo Cameras. LOL. I wish I had some interesting google searches (besides the aforementioned!). The new clinic sounds awesome!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Haha! Those are good ones. Some of my search terms are really quite offensive… Couldn’t bring myself to write them out again. What on earth have I been blogging about?!!

      Reply
      1. ecutri

        I know what I’ve been blogging about! I just don’t think the searchers of these terms were looking for an infertility blog when looking for Sex Nazis and Dildo Cameras lol.

        I’m interested in knowing what offensive ones you have gotten…you know, so I know I’m not the only one with weirdos finding my blog. ;p

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Ok, well don’t tell anyone. I did find “wee naked barren” pretty strange, but “breastfeeding contain my tits” was a particularly odd one as was “overnight sanitary pad bloody”. I mean, seriously wtf?!! No sex nazis though (yet).

  3. newtoivf

    I never get any google searches on my blog…what am I doing wrong?!!
    Glad your new clinic is staffed by actual human beings rather than evil robot bitches like your last one xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      You are obviously not using enough dodgy words/phrases in your posts, although how “breastfeeding contain my tits” leads to me I do not know. Feel they will have been somewhat disappointed.

      Reply
  4. Single motherhood by choice

    My searches tell me aprons are hot right now (“hot women wearing apron”/”girl with big tits wearing chemical apron”). There’s a lot of interest in John Inverdale (“john inverdale hurtful comments”/”john inverdale’s mother”). I also liked “if hubby drinks a litre of milk today will it make his sperm strong for the next day”. I feel bad though for the searcher who asked “how babies are made” – they’ll miss out on a lot of fun if they think it’s always done my way.

    Reply
  5. redbluebird

    Wee naked?! People are so bossy.
    I’m glad you like the new clinic. It seems like a much better place to go through the IVF roller coaster with. I know it’s hard to wait (at least it would be for me), but I think taking a small break & starting IVF 2 in December is a great idea. You deserve some healing time.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know, I really don’t want to wait but they don’t take on new cycles in November because of Christmas and I just don’t think I will be ready by end-Oct. In reality, I want to give it the best chance of working… Even if that means waiting. I’m just scared of how much the endo might progress in that time. I really wish we could try naturally in the months in between but I’m not allowed 😦 back on BCP once my effing cycle returns, joy.

      Reply
  6. hopefulandhungry

    So glad that you have found a better clinic. Doesn’t sound like you’ll be getting bitchy comments any longer. I’m very surprised you haven’t had an AMH test done before. I’m glad you can share your humor, it always brings a smile to my face. πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yeah, my other clinic just tested FSH and I didn’t have an antral follicle count either that I can remember?! Feel scared about my AMH results but better to know I suppose. They do mock transfers here too which my other clinic didn’t do. At least they seem much better so far… Step in the right direction!!

      Reply
  7. lamentingthelentil

    Nah, you could go on forever and I’d be pretty happy about it. You have some good ones. One of my regulars is ‘blowjob selfie,’ which I don’t remember saying, but I guess I wouldn’t put it past myself. Also, I read “wee” as an adjective. Ya know, like Wee Willy Winky. So, I imagined a tiny nekkid cartoon you with a candle and a pompom-ed sleeping cap and it was a pretty delightful sight.

    I’m very glad you found Dr. Hero and your new clinic. It sounds like your healthcare headaches may no longer be compounded by healthcare practitioners, themselves. As it should be. I think that either way you decide – go with late October or wait until December – will feel like the right decision when you make it.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s great, I dread to think what a blow job selfie involves. I’m really hoping the new clinic will be good… Time will tell. I don’t think my cycle is going to come back soon enough for an October start date otherwise knowing me I’d probably start then and have no break whatsoever. Not quite the Christmas I hoped to have, but at least I should be back on the horse again.

      Reply
  8. Isabelle

    You’re so freaking funny. I got my husband to read this post and he was seriously laughing out loud. πŸ™‚ Ovarian torsion jokes? Must be kidding me. Anyhow, it sucks to find out about the adenomyosis on your clinical notes but very happy for you that the new clinic sounds very promising.

    Reply
  9. mammacod

    I wish I knew you in real life so I could tag along with you and let you make me LAUGH. All. The. Time. Even when shit ain’t all that funny. Thank you for some sunshine (or, as the ch__ch would put it, SONshine) today.

    Reply
  10. Pingback: Not cool | barrenbetty

  11. Jen

    Another anagram option: odd lady today
    I love your blog. I know it doesn’t help at all, but I am so sorry for everything you have been through.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hi Jen. So almost nearly a good one!! Thanks for your message. It definitely helps to know that people are thinking of me. Hope you have a great weekend x

      Reply

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