I am aware that I have been somewhat quiet of late. Maybe you are less aware. Probably. Whenever anyone else posts, “I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long!” I usually think either a) have you? or b) who are you again?
I kept going to write something, but I just kept writing long, whiny posts filled with boring crap. I also (thought I) was on the verge of getting news everyday: about to go to an appointment; about to get some results; about to get a New Plan. However, as I’m sure you all know All Too Well (I sang that in a Taylor Swift voice) waiting is par for the course with all this IVF shizz. More waiting. More admin fuckery. Blah blah. The main news I have to report is that my AMH is 9.66. The nurse was very sad faces about this as it is apparently “very low” for my age. I am aware that a lot of you ladies have much lower AMH than me. I was sorta expecting it to be lower given the amount of invasive surgery I’ve already had on my ovaries. I’ll take 9.66, thanks.
My antral follicle count was 25 – 12 on the left and 13 on the right. I don’t understand how that fits with low AMH and I can’t be bothered to find out.
The upshot of this is that I will probably be having 400 Menopur instead of the 225 I had last time. I feel irritated that the other clinic never bothered to properly check my ovarian reserve. I’m not sure what they based my dosage on other than I have severe endometriosis. I feel irritated that they wrote in my notes (and also told me at egg collection) that my response was “sub optimal”. Well, I recall them informing me that I “might only get one egg”. Pretty sure that 2 eggs = pretty fucking optimal according to that. I think they knew exactly what they were doing, and they gave me a low dose on purpose. They told me not to worry because I’m only 30 which means that “the one egg we get will be a good one”. Yeah well, thanks for that. Dick heads.
I should have known a couple of weeks ago what my next plan of action would be. I should have known last week. I should have known this week. I could go on about this for a very long time but I’m tired, so luckily for you I won’t. I will tell you that I have an appointment with the consultant (Dr Hero!) again on Monday so hopefully a New Plan shall be forthcoming then. If it’s not, I am going to go mental. Mental in many, many ways. Many you couldn’t even imagine. Don’t try; it will break your mind (this is coming from a person who a few weeks ago spent several days in bed. Not asleep, not reading, not crying, not watching TV. Just lying there. Like a statue. All day.)
I don’t know what to say. I appear to have failed at not writing a long, whiny, boring post. Sorry about that, but I think I’m about to projectile vomit a big dirty whinge-boo-for-me right in your faces. Two of my cousins are due on my non-due date. A lot of my friends are currently pregnant. Scratch that, most of my friends are pregnant and most have babies. Most are annoying. Most don’t understand. Most feel awkward around me. Most don’t want to know how I am. Most are very happy right now with babies and houses and good jobs. Most can spend all their hard earned savings on nurseries and family cars and houses with gardens. Most have families around them who are excited and happy, not sad and disappointed. Most have lots of friends to hang out with in the same boat as them. Most are pregnant; most have babies.
Sorry, I’ll clean that up later.
I’m attempting a new Get My Shit Together routine which includes Eating Properly and Doing Exercise: current World Record is 50 lengths in 35 minutes (sandwiched by a 5 mile power walk). I am intermittently stopping being an alcoholic but that only seems to last a couple of days, then a nice glass of Sancerre has my name on it and you know, one thing leads to another.
I have missed my virtual world the last couple of weeks so I shall endeavour to be more present in it from now on. I bet you have missed me too, you guys.
P.s. Any more current fancies? I have a new one: Pasha from Strictly Come Dancing. This will be meaningless to any Americans, sorry. When I go on Strictly, I hope I am paired with Pasha.