The AMH News Report

I am aware that I have been somewhat quiet of late. Maybe you are less aware. Probably. Whenever anyone else posts, “I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long!” I usually think either a) have you? or b) who are you again?

I kept going to write something, but I just kept writing long, whiny posts filled with boring crap. I also (thought I) was on the verge of getting news everyday: about to go to an appointment; about to get some results; about to get a New Plan. However, as I’m sure you all know All Too Well (I sang that in a Taylor Swift voice) waiting is par for the course with all this IVF shizz. More waiting. More admin fuckery. Blah blah. The main news I have to report is that my AMH is 9.66. The nurse was very sad faces about this as it is apparently “very low” for my age. I am aware that a lot of you ladies have much lower AMH than me. I was sorta expecting it to be lower given the amount of invasive surgery I’ve already had on my ovaries. I’ll take 9.66, thanks.

My antral follicle count was 25 – 12 on the left and 13 on the right. I don’t understand how that fits with low AMH and I can’t be bothered to find out.

The upshot of this is that I will probably be having 400 Menopur instead of the 225 I had last time. I feel irritated that the other clinic never bothered to properly check my ovarian reserve. I’m not sure what they based my dosage on other than I have severe endometriosis. I feel irritated that they wrote in my notes (and also told me at egg collection) that my response was “sub optimal”. Well, I recall them informing me that I “might only get one egg”. Pretty sure that 2 eggs = pretty fucking optimal according to that. I think they knew exactly what they were doing, and they gave me a low dose on purpose. They told me not to worry because I’m only 30 which means that “the one egg we get will be a good one”. Yeah well, thanks for that. Dick heads.

I should have known a couple of weeks ago what my next plan of action would be. I should have known last week. I should have known this week. I could go on about this for a very long time but I’m tired, so luckily for you I won’t. I will tell you that I have an appointment with the consultant (Dr Hero!) again on Monday so hopefully a New Plan shall be forthcoming then. If it’s not, I am going to go mental. Mental in many, many ways. Many you couldn’t even imagine. Don’t try; it will break your mind (this is coming from a person who a few weeks ago spent several days in bed. Not asleep, not reading, not crying, not watching TV. Just lying there. Like a statue. All day.)

I don’t know what to say. I appear to have failed at not writing a long, whiny, boring post. Sorry about that, but I think I’m about to projectile vomit a big dirty whinge-boo-for-me right in your faces. Two of my cousins are due on my non-due date. A lot of my friends are currently pregnant. Scratch that, most of my friends are pregnant and most have babies. Most are annoying. Most don’t understand. Most feel awkward around me. Most don’t want to know how I am. Most are very happy right now with babies and houses and good jobs. Most can spend all their hard earned savings on nurseries and family cars and houses with gardens. Most have families around them who are excited and happy, not sad and disappointed. Most have lots of friends to hang out with in the same boat as them. Most are pregnant; most have babies.

Sorry, I’ll clean that up later.

I’m attempting a new Get My Shit Together routine which includes Eating Properly and Doing Exercise: current World Record is 50 lengths in 35 minutes (sandwiched by a 5 mile power walk). I am intermittently stopping being an alcoholic but that only seems to last a couple of days, then a nice glass of Sancerre has my name on it and you know, one thing leads to another.

I have missed my virtual world the last couple of weeks so I shall endeavour to be more present in it from now on. I bet you have missed me too, you guys.

BB xx

P.s. Any more current fancies? I have a new one: Pasha from Strictly Come Dancing. This will be meaningless to any Americans, sorry. When I go on Strictly, I hope I am paired with Pasha.

37 thoughts on “The AMH News Report

  1. Bianca J

    If it’s Pasha from So You Think You Can Dance, I’ll join you in that fancy. He’s Delish!

    Sorry things have been sucky, but glad to have you back!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yes! Yes! It is him! Oh yay, I forgot he was on that too. I’m glad you can join me in my perving. I’m not sure about his new haircut, but I can just about forgive it.

  2. dogsarentkids

    I understood about 1/3 of this. That is an exact fraction. I’m not good at math, but I’m 79% sure it’s correct.

    Unfortunately I can super relate to most of your cousins and friends and neighbors and co-workers and every fucking person you come in contact with, being pregnant, or a new stupid bitch-hole mother.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I am turning into a bitter, demented infertile. I can’t really be bothered to stop myself anymore.

      I hope the reason you only understood 1/3 isn’t because I have lost the ability to write in proper sentences :-/

  3. Lisette

    Good to have you back BB. 1) Ok since my AMH bomb I can say that it’s hard not to think about it. But I have done my research and the jury’s still out on the impact it really has. From what my peeps are saying what’s way more important is follicle count. So I’m giving you the advice I was given upon learning of the shit news: take it in stride. 2) As for the world being knocked up, I can so relate to that. It’s having a massive effect on my social / family life. Basically, I’ve just resent everyone now. They’ll never understand, but at least we do. So bitch, moan and rant all you need too because we are all doing it too. 3) I personally find Cillian Murphy most droolable in Peaky Blinders, he’s currently topping my fancy list. 4) xxx

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s interesting about the AMH/follicle count debate. I don’t know much about either really. At least I know now so they can give me the right effing amount of drugs to start off with and don’t waste my time again. I really hate the effect it has on our social and family life. It’s just not fair at all. I’m dreading Christmas this year, totally dreading it. I might just not have Christmas altogether. I am off to google Cillian Murphy now.

      1. missymakes

        Sorry about the AMH news, Betty. Honestly, I’m not even sure what it means. I’m not convinced the doctors even really know what it means. When I was doing the testing, my RE said he puts more weight in the antral follicle count than AMH levels. It sounds like more research really needs to be done to better interpret what AMH levels really indicate.

  4. newtoivf

    Ahh B. Life is such a bitch. I’m sorry, but you already know that. Admin delays in clinics are about the worst thing in the world. I had to spend 4 hours (no exaggeration) on the phone to various people and had to cry at 2 of them before I got my first appointment at my clinic. It was sooo stressful. Hope the app goes ahead on Monday xxx

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I might need to re-title (iPad kept correcting that to erectile. Even the iPad is taking the piss) my blog “Bitchy Betty”. I hate admin delays. Why can’t people just do their fucking job? I’d be better off just doing all my own admin.

  5. ecutri

    That’s a LOT of Menopur! Holy crap-o-la! Hope all goes well with Dr. Hero on Monday. He sounds like a definite keeper.
    Also, the preggos everywhere…that’s the main reason why I am off facebook for the time being. I couldn’t take seeing any more. I admittedly sneak on to my husband’s account to play catch-up with my family and in doing so I recently discovered a new preggo, a preggo that pissed me off so much because she is known for her MJ smoking capabilities. Not Fair. And she’s ripping on EVERYONE and how she doesn’t need anyone’s advice and how if she gets any advice from anyone they aren’t invited to her shower. Seriously made me want to punchamuthafucka. ugh. But on to you again, nice to see you back to posting. I missed your everything.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know!!! The maximum dose is 450. Eek. I’d shoot up anything if I thought it’d work. Wow, your new Facebook discovery just confirms to me I made the right move by deactivating mine!!! I also had to delete the app from our iPad because I couldn’t stop myself peeking at my husbands account. Sigh. I am going to do my best to live in ignorance of all the new pregnancies, I just can’t be doing with them right now. I feel like such a terrible person though. Meh.

      1. ecutri

        Terrible? No!
        If avoiding what makes you uncomfortable or stressed out or angry as a rabid beaver (I’m not sure how angry they get…but I’d imagine pretty angry) makes you a terrible person then that makes basically everyone in this world of infertility a terrible person and I definitely do not think that is so. Don’t beat yourself up. I’ve been in hiding for months now, do I feel bad? Definitely. But I know right now I am doing everything I can to keep myself as calm and stress free as possible so I don’t lose my shit on someone who probably doesn’t deserve to have my craziness come out at them.
        Christmas is a crappy time. But with any luck you may be on a great path with Dr. Hero and be so high on happy new paths that you might spew glitter, Christmas cheer, and all the merriness that goes along with it.

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Ok, if you don’t think I’m terrible then that’s good enough for me!! I doubt that I will be spewing glitter and Christmas cheer, but you never know ๐Ÿ˜‰ At least if I’m not, I can get totally wasted on sherry and champagne xx

      3. ecutri

        Just make sure you don’t spew other stuff everywhere ๐Ÿ™‚

        Oh I wish I could hand you a bottle of my homemade wine…you would love it!

  6. mylifeasacasestudy

    Betty, I noticed you made yourself scarce & I’m glad for your update. EVERYBODY is pregnant, fertiles and infertiles alike–I want you to be pregnant, but I look forward to your updates because they don’t include an ultrasound, beta, or belly pic–they include wine and whine (I like both varieties). Sorry you’re in a funk, but I don’t mind at all. XO

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’m a planner too… Really, really hate not knowing what’s going on and having no timescale. I think AMH is pretty stable – is what it is. I was surprised at my AFC… Hopefully they will make me some good eggs next time (if next time ever happens!) xx

  7. kiftsgate

    Been missing you indeed! (I know, you are probably thinking my life is sad, but I do think you’re very entertaining). I totally understand the feeling of having almost everyone being pregnant or with children or just annoying. I feel exactly the same right now. I’m not American but I’m not British either, so I have no idea who Pasha is. But google knows it all. Once again, I don’t think we’ll ever fight over a man. That’s always good to know! Big hug!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Aww, thanks for thinking of me ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m sorry the world is pregnant all around you too. It stinks.

      Haha, I can’t believe you don’t even fancy Norman Reedus? Not even a bit? What about Henry Cavill?

  8. The infernal infertile

    I hate to do a little bit of “low AMH one-upmanship” but mine is 2.2… *beams with pride”…

    Oh no wait… that’s actually shit isn’t it? PLUS in our last round I did 450 of the Gonal F and took it like a champ – a CHAMP I tell ya!

    Turning bitter is par for the course… we all start out wanting to be the one infertile who indulgently smiles at everyone else’s joy – knowing that one day it will be us, and end up seething at all the useless bitches that get babies when we can’t. (Obviously that’s a gross generalisation in many respects!!)

    But great to see you back… we do notice you’re not around, and we do miss you xxx

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ok, you win the low AMH wars… Umm, yay? I got in a right mess just trying to inject 3 vials of Menopur in 1 liquid, I dread to think how I will manage with 5 or 6?! Something to look forward to.

      I missed you all too! I’m going to stop spending so much time lying around feeling sorry for myself. I don’t think it really did me any good.

  9. Fertility Doll

    Just balance the wine out with wheatgrass shots. (This suggestion sounds like something Patsy from Ab Fab would say)

    I think it’s brilliant that you’re questioning them and taking control more BUT please don’t focus on the AMH too much. I think projectsweepea is right – the stress isn’t worth it. I’m sending my doll ninjas to karate chop anyone who tries to smother your hope.

    You can do this again. It’s just a matter of time. C’mon universe be in Betty’s favour!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I am eating a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables and cooking all my meals from scratch. Does that count? I have been dry for 3 whole days now. Probably deserve a drink ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I’m glad you think I can do it again because right now I really, really can’t face it. Maybe once I’ve got a plan in place I’ll feel a bit better (and stop breaking more doors :-/)

  10. Single motherhood by choice

    I think we’re on the same wavelength re the menfolk: I have a soft spot for Norman Reedus and I think Pasha is a real cutie (don’t get why Artem thinks he’s so hot – to me, he’s like Mr Toad on steroids, yeugh, welcome to him Kara). As I’m single and you’re not, if we were ever to meet any of these hotties I trust you would do the honourable and quietly exit…

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Excellent! Perv twins! I agree whole heartedly re Artem…. Bleugh. I’m not sure how I feel about giving up my favourite hot men. Maybe if I have a good go on them first, then when I leave them broken hearted you can swoop in and have one?

  11. immotileturtle

    Ha! I totally agree that when people apologise for their absence I’m like ‘oh, you were gone?’ A lot of the time. Even better are the people that announce they will be absent in advance, or say they’re going to shut their account and then don’t. LOLZ. I did miss you though, obvs. No one else gives me shit quite like you, Betty.

    I’ve done the whole laying-in-bed-doing-absolutely-nothing thing. Glad you’ve moved on from that. Moving on from this shit is a slow process, but we’re here & we’ve got your back lady. You can dooooo iiiiiiiiit!!! Xxx

  12. Steph Mignon

    Maybe they use a different measurement system or something over there in the UK, but that AMH sounds pretty darn good to me! Hopefully now you are in the care of the right peeps and one step closer to that good egg, or I should say eggs, that are going to make your beautiful baby. I believe, my dear! I believe!

  13. Laurel

    I just stumbled over from unexpectedtrip. ?- Have you had your vitamin D levels tested?? If not, I would do that ASAP. I had the same issue with a normal AFC, and it was found my vitamin D levels were very low. There is new research that connects AMH & vitamin D levels. Once I was prescribed a hefty supply of vitamin D, my cycles turned around. I just wanted to pass that info along to you, and hope it may be useful! Best of luck to you!!!

  14. M

    I’m in the same boat as you. I have severe endometriosis, no fallopian tubes, two cysts in my right ovary and everyone around me is either pregnant, just had a baby, or have babies and all they talk about is how cute their babies are *gag me* while I’m spending all my money on IVF just trying to have a baby.

    I’m writing here to tell you that among all your sadness and disappointments you should look at the blessings that you have sometimes. For example, a loving husband by your side. Unlike my husband who decided that while in the middle of our IVF process he doesn’t want a baby anymore. Heck, he doesn’t even want to be married anymore…


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