Ok, so me and Fertility Doll were chatting about periods and infertility and smashing in doors and stuff when all of a sudden Fertility Doll said:
FD: What are you doing for Halloween? Are you carving a pumpkin?
BB: No. I’m not doing anything. I’m going to close my curtains, switch all the lights off and pretend I’m not home like I normally do.
FD: Why am I not surprised?
BB: Because you are an all-knowing magical being what knows everything?
FD: Correct. Anyways, maybe you should carve a pumpkin. It might be fun, and maybe it will distract you from smashing up doors?
BB: Yeah, okay. LETS MAKE IT A COMPETITION I CAN WIN.
FD: Umm, okay. I thought it’d just be fun though?
BB: YOU CAN’T HAVE FUN WITHOUT RULES.
FD: Okay, I’ll have a look on pinterest for ideas.
FD: For goodness sake woman, you are impossible.
BB: Thank you.
FD: So, shall we open up this competition? We could do a lovely blog share and everyone will feel happy and lovely inside.
BB: NO! It should be a fight to the death of pumpkins. OH GOD! We need a judge.
Somehow Immotile Turtle becomes the judge, even though she is (by her own admission) shit at judging stuff and also easily bribed. Basically my perfect judge.
IT: It will be just like The Great British Bake Off! But with pumpkins! I am so happy, this is the best day of my life.
FD: But that excludes our friends across the pond. Oh no, I am so, so sad about this. I am such a nice person.
BB: STUFF THEM! Americans go mental for Halloween. If we include them, we will definitely, definitely come last. Not only do I have no imagination but I am also lazy. This isn’t fair. I hate this stupid competition already.
FD: Shut up Betty. We are all sick of your whining (and wining).
BB: Okay, but I make the rules.
1. You have to carve a pumpkin/s. You can use a knife, or a drill or any power tool you see fit.
2. You have to either email me or tweet either myself (@barren_betty) or FD (@fertility_doll) with your final presentation, or post it on your blog and make us definitely aware of it so that you can be included in the final judging. I’m not saying we don’t both read all blogs all the time, but FD can sometimes be a bit lax.
3. All submissions must be submitted by 31st October, 5pm at my standard time.
4. They must be worse than mine or we aren’t friends anymore. I am very competitive.
5. The prize is glory and honour.
Good luck team.