Pumpkin competition

Ok, so me and Fertility Doll were chatting about periods and infertility and smashing in doors and stuff when all of a sudden Fertility Doll said:

FD: What are you doing for Halloween? Are you carving a pumpkin?

BB: No. I’m not doing anything. I’m going to close my curtains, switch all the lights off and pretend I’m not home like I normally do.

FD: Why am I not surprised?

BB: Because you are an all-knowing magical being what knows everything?

FD: Correct. Anyways, maybe you should carve a pumpkin. It might be fun, and maybe it will distract you from smashing up doors?


FD: Umm, okay. I thought it’d just be fun though?


FD: Okay, I’ll have a look on pinterest for ideas.

BB: Cheat.

FD: For goodness sake woman, you are impossible.

BB: Thank you.

FD: So, shall we open up this competition? We could do a lovely blog share and everyone will feel happy and lovely inside.

BB: NO! It should be a fight to the death of pumpkins. OH GOD! We need a judge.

Somehow Immotile Turtle becomes the judge, even though she is (by her own admission) shit at judging stuff and also easily bribed. Basically my perfect judge.

IT: It will be just like The Great British Bake Off! But with pumpkins! I am so happy, this is the best day of my life.

FD: But that excludes our friends across the pond. Oh no, I am so, so sad about this. I am such a nice person.

BB: STUFF THEM! Americans go mental for Halloween. If we include them, we will definitely, definitely come last. Not only do I have no imagination but I am also lazy. This isn’t fair. I hate this stupid competition already.

FD: Shut up Betty. We are all sick of your whining (and wining).

BB: Okay, but I make the rules.


1. You have to carve a pumpkin/s. You can use a knife, or a drill or any power tool you see fit.

2. You have to either email me or tweet either myself (@barren_betty) or FD (@fertility_doll) with your final presentation, or post it on your blog and make us definitely aware of it so that you can be included in the final judging. I’m not saying we don’t both read all blogs all the time, but FD can sometimes be a bit lax.

3. All submissions must be submitted by 31st October, 5pm at my standard time.

4. They must be worse than mine or we aren’t friends anymore. I am very competitive.

5. The prize is glory and honour.

Good luck team.

BB xx

46 thoughts on “Pumpkin competition

  1. kiftsgate

    Ooohhh noooooo. I’ll be travelling and won’t be able to participate. This sucks because I love carving pumpkins and I love competitions!! Good luck guys! Great idea!

  2. lamentingthelentil

    Ohmygod. I DO feel happy and lovely inside! This whole post is amazing, in fact, and I can’t wait to destroy both of you with my lack of creativity and terrible artistic skill. My submission may resemble a 6 year old’s first ever pumpkin carving attempt, but I will find a way to make this trophy mine. May the odds be ever in your favor. (Someone publibly ridicule me for saying that out loud because clearly I deserve it.)

    1. lamentingthelentil

      Also, and this is important, what are you going to do with your pumpkin seeds?! I’m just imagining the pounds of delicious roasted pumpkin seeds that will come from this competition, and I’m salivating. If any of you competitors aren’t humane enough to use every part of the animal, send that crunchy goodness my way.

      1. barrenbetty Post author

        I never even thought about the pumpkin seeds. I can’t believe you are salivating over pumpkin seeds. I salivate over nice things like cake. I’m not going to ridicule you for your Hunger Games quote, but god woman. Pumpkin seeds? Salivate? No.

    2. barrenbetty Post author

      Mine is going to be useless… I don’t even know where to start. I think we need a winner for the lamest pumpkin too so we have a better chance at winning something at least.

      1. barrenbetty Post author

        OMG I was just imagining drawing or making a trophy for myself. Or err, the winner. I like the names idea… maybe we need a few categories ie Best Expression in Show, Best Use of Full Pumpkin etc.

  3. redbluebird

    Well, I am American, but I promise I am terrible at pumpkin carving, so can I play? I pictured myself using power tools to carve my pumpkin, and it wasn’t pretty. I think I’ll stick with a little carving knife for everyone’s safety.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve never done it. I have no idea what to do. Whose stupid idea was this?!! There are some seriously epic creations online… Mine is going to look like a dog’s dinner. I quite like the puking ones everybody does. FD sent me a picture of someone using a power drill to start off their pumpkin eyes. I feel like there is a whole world of pumpkin carvery out there for us to discover.

  4. dogsarentkids

    Done. I’m not saying I’m great at pumpkin carving or anything, but I AM American, so watch your back foreigner.

  5. The infernal infertile

    OK… I come from a country that basically doesn’t even acknowledge Halloween – and am living in a country that practically closes down for Halloween… I would have no idea how to carve a pumpkin, but bugger it. I’m in.

    Because I am also very competitive, I will let you all know that I WILL win. And if I don’t, I will stomp on all the pumpkin seeds people are thinking of sending to Lentil.

    Seriously. I’ll stomp on them.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s the spirit, fighting talk. I like it. I don’t know why I said I want win. I’ve never carved a pumpkin and I’ve no idea what to do. We might need an award for the most pathetic pumpkin too so at least I can win something.

  6. Bianca J

    I would so love to enter this competition, but we are also going to be travelling and I live in a country that doesn’t “get” Halloween. If we can get a pumpkin, and find a tool to carve it with while we are away I will post to my blog. May the best foreigner win!

  7. newtoivf

    I LOVE this but am going to go against the grain and say I will not be entering because clearly it wouldn’t be fair to publicly humiliate you by winning as it obviously means so much to you, and definitely not because I’m shit at this sort of stuff.
    PS can’t believe you’ve caved and let the Americans in! I’m pretty sure that’s why their country’s been shut down for the last few weeks… They’re just practising for Halloween!

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Nooo!!! You HAVE to play. I’ve never carved a pumpkin. I’ve got no idea what I’m doing. I’m planning on creating lots of categories so that I can win something whatever.

      I bet you are right re the Americans.

  8. Pingback: Pumpkins, infertiles and cackles | Fertility Doll

  9. mylifeasacasestudy

    It is so ON! I love pumpkin carving competitions and Mr. MLACS won’t compete with me anymore (sore loser). I am not amazing, but I don’t suck 🙂 You could always come up with so many awards that everyone gets one, like in kindergarten (or whatevs you call it “across the pond”). You can have categories: scariest, prettiest, funniest, most original, etc. etc. Ok but it’s YOUR competition so I will let you figure it out. Fun times! XO

  10. dogsarentkids

    Reblogged this on Dogs Aren't Kids and commented:
    Out-carve us! If you dare. Cackling required. Pumpkins with genitalia on them earn bonus points. I just made that up. Don’t hold me to it.
    IT’S FUN.

  11. Pingback: Pumpkin carving competition: surprise prizes!! | Today I hope

  12. notpregnantandpissed

    Ugh, I can’t believe I’m saying this because I HATE carving pumpkins….but I’m in. For some reason taking a sharp knife to something sounds really good to me. My submission is bound to make me feel inadequate and more jealous than I already feel, so what’s the harm?

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yippee!! Welcome. If it makes you feel better, for all my showing off I have never carved a pumpkin and have no ideas. Mine is likely to be the worst. Good luck!

  13. auclairedelalune

    That’s a fabulous idea! Count me in. I’m not sure if my competitive spirit will make up for my cheap Ikea knives and mini-French “pumpkins”. Any chance of awarding bonus points in the scoring system for us expats/foreigners who don’t have access to American pumpkin patches and who have to work with mini, pain in the ass to carve “pumpkins” ;-)? My husband suggested carving and aspect of IVF that frustrates me, so I could subsequently hack it up…for pumpkin pie.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s a great idea. I’ll make sure to weight any marking in our favour. Oh hang on, I’m not the judge. If I carved an aspect of IVF that frustrates me I’d probably just end up smashing it into a million pieces as well!! Welcome to the competition 😀

  14. Pingback: IFpumpkinsmackdown – contenders list update! | Fertility Doll

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  16. GK

    Reblogged this on My MMC Story and commented:
    Pumpkin fun!

    BarrenBetty and Fertility Doll are running an IF pumpkin carving competition. I’m always looking for a distraction from trying to conceive so I thought I’d have a go. Before I post my pumpkin, I thought I should reblog their post so you can join in too if you fancy a bit of pumpkin carving fun.

  17. Pingback: Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 – the Results Show!!! | Immotileturtle's Blog

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