Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 – the Grand Final!!!

Coming to you LIVE from England we have the Grand Final of Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 with your hosts me, Barren Betty and her, Fertility Doll. Please also welcome our Pumpkin-licious Pumpkin Grand High Judge and Priestess Immotile Turtle!

Raucous applause

FD: I’d have written RAWRcous applause.
BB: And that is why I am in charge of typing.

There have been an unprecedented number of entries this year, so let’s crack on with the show.

Pumpkin Smackdown theme tune plays while FD dances a short ballet piece she has been practicing

ENTRIES

1. IVFfervescent’s “Barry” pumpkin. Also submitted was a short bonus video of pumpkin, power tool and husband.

FD: Good use of IVF paraphernalia, very nice. Topical and exhibits strong carvery skills.
BB: His expression makes me think he probably got poked with a needle somewhere else too.

2. @irish_boater‘s Halloween Dog (I believe that @yorkieboater had a rather significant part to play in this, but is generously giving all glory to his wife. What a man.)

BB: I’ve never seen a pumpkin carved into a dog before.
FD: Originality points.
BB: I also like that his eyes are lit up with joy and not burning with evil like most of our entries.

3. @ivfpincushion‘s (h)owl. Twit twoo!

BB: Do you get it?
FD: Get what?
BB: I wrote (h)owl instead of owl for jokes ‘cos it’s Halloween!
FD: It’s even less funny now that you’ve pointed it out. Anyway, this is an extremely cute owl!
BB: Go on, say it!
FD: Sigh. (H)owl.
BB: He he. A very high level of design skills are also being exhibited here. Nice.

4. Mr May’s (or H as he is known to his friends) submission. Umm, how can I describe this? I don’t know. I shall let the image speak for itself. It’s pretty powerful, especially coming straight after the cute owl:

BB: This is like viewing an image of inside my own brain.
FD: You must also note the determined spermatozoa.

5. @flitany‘s Pumpkin

BB: I have insider information here that will impress you even more than the pumpkin’s expression. This is a home grown pumpkin!
FD: Bonus points me thinks. Also, does this pumpkin have a sperm fascinator on its head?
BB: I showed all the entries to Mr Barren too and his comments were: “It’s an egg and a sperm pumpkin!”, “It looks like the top was chopped off with a samurai sword!” and “That pumpkin is really round.”

6. Tina’s Grumpy Halloween Cat

BB: Awesome. This reminds me of Garfield.
FD: A demonic Garfield.

7. “Gros Bobo” by @cantchoosewhen

BB: Hilarious. @cantchoosewhen has also informed us of his back story – “he is from a story book about a bird that can’t stop crying even when it’s friends try to help”. Sorta feel bad for laughing at him now.
FD: Look at those shoes! He is breaking my heart.

8. My entry. This is a (you call it pumpkin; I call it sculpture) of my current mental state

BB: WHY IS EVERYBODY’S BETTER THAN MINE? They obviously didn’t read the rules very carefully. Stupid show.
FD: Don’t worry, you can still win the special secret Betty prize we aren’t telling anyone about.
BB: Oh yeah, ta.

9. Jenny’s All Season’s Pumpkin

BB: Wow. A pumpkin for all seasons? This is mental.
FD: That is one deranged looking jack-o-lantern. You wouldn’t want to meet him on a dark night.
BB: Someone on Twitter said he looked like he was on drugs.
FD: Lolz.

10: GK’s Cat Pumpkin

BB: Ooh, another cat. There is definitely an animal theme running through the Smackdown entries.
FD: This is a friendly, cheeky cat. I like him.

11. Robin‘s Heisenberg (Walter White, Breaking Bad)

BB: And THIS is why I said we shouldn’t let the Americans join in. Who can carve an actual face into a pumpkin? I mean, Robin can. I see that now. I loved Breaking Bad and I love this pumpkin too.
FD: Truly magnificent.

12. @BabylessCanuck carved these beauties with her hubs: her effort is the Jack; hubs is Bowser.

BB: Wowzer Bowser, that is cool. That is also one creepy ass Jack. I might have nightmares after looking at those.
FD: Incredible! I love these too.

13. @mcnh‘s Pumpkin

BB: I laugh every time I look at this one.
FD: It’s simple but effective.

14. The Infernal Infertile’s pumpkin.

BB: Aww, so cute.
FD: Also very original. Bonus points.
BB: I can further confirm having carved my pumpkin that rounded edges are HARD.

15. @sara_sward‘s pumpkin (angrily munching on a crinone applicator – he even broke a tooth)

BB: Another nice incorporation of IVF paraphernalia.
FD: I also like the deranged expression and mad eyes.

16. @myladybits and her pumpkin submission entitled: #meday8ofstims

BB: Well, at least you look better than I did.
FD: That’s a really brilliant name for a pumpkin.

17. Mandy‘s “The Evil Witch” (aka AF)

BB: Amazing. This pumpkin has it’s own props.
FD: Wow. I love it. I love the whole thing.
BB: This is one classy pumpkin. If this pumpkin had a party, it wouldn’t invite me.
FD: I also like that the shadows add to the expression. Is it the only one that uses the stork as the nose too?
BB: I believe so.
FD: Thinking outside the box. I like it!

18. Kelly‘s Pumpkin

FD: BOO!!!
BB: Aarrrgghhh!!! Why did you do that?
FD: I don’t know. Do you like the pumpkin?
BB: Yes.
FD: Me too!

19. auclairelalune’s infertility ghosts, ghouls, and goblins. To witness their full glory, I urge you to click on the link and visit her blog. Especially you Judge Turtle. The pumpkin is carved on 4 sides:

OAT (Oligoasthenoteratospermia)

PCO (Polycystic Ovaries)

BB: My favourite gremlin is OAT. Mr Barren was also impressed with this one and exclaimed “It’s even the shape of a penis!”
FD: Wow. Poor Betty. This entry is exhibiting an extremely high level of design skills indeed.

20. @subfertilechick may have only done this for our amusement, but it was so amusing we had to list it here. Behold, the Cherry Tomato Carving:

BB: I always used to say that it wasn’t possible for a cherry tomato to look cute whilst puking, but I stand corrected.

21. @footallparky‘s Popstar Pumpkin

BB: Check out those eyebrows!
FD: Is it Michael Buble? I bet those star eyes were hard to cut.
BB: He really looks like he is getting his groove on.

22.RedBlueBird’s Halloween Owl.

FD: Please don’t make your owl joke again Betty.
BB: I was just about to.
FD: I know. This is an awesome owl! Very intricate. Much skill and patience required.
BB: He looks like he is having a hoot!
FD: *facepalm*

23. @napitynaps and her Halloween Cat

BB: I love this!
FD: That is genius; he looks really scared!
BB: I tried to cheat by googling amazing pumpkins and all of our entries are way better than what I found.
FD: There may be a lesson in there somewhere kids.

24. Mrs T has submitted an entry alongside her DD and DH (whose entries are below). Meet Jack:

FD: That’s a brilliant Jack!

25. Mrs T‘s DD’s pumpkin

BB: Yes! I’ve been waiting all show for a puking pumpkin! They are my favourites.

26. Mrs T‘s DH’s pumpkin

FD: I LOVE predator! I wanted to be one for Halloween once but couldn’t find a costume.
BB: I can’t speak. My mouth is still hanging open in wonder and awe.

27. Eli’s Mutant Uterus Pumpkin Eli tells us:
I give you the Mutant Uterus. You will note that the lining grows on the outside as well as the inside. You will also note that it is dangerous, dark and inhospitable. The ramifications of these facts are staggering: it will take some kind of Chuck Norris/Luke Skywalker-grade spawn to make a home in this mother. Ergo, when it does produce children, they will be extremely badass. Bring it.

FD: GROSS!!!!
BB: Hilarious. I think someone may be gunning for the WTF Award.

28. rceg91109’s Ghost and Witch entry

FD: Aww, another family entry. This is making me feel all happy inside.
BB: Me too. Considering it is just two eyes and a mouth that ghost is extremely creepy.

29: FD’s “The Day My Ovaries Came To Life” pumpkin

FD: HEY! Why is mine so much lower down the post than yours?!! CHEAT! CHEAT!
BB: Oh shut your pie hole. I’m just adding them in the order that they came in. And yours my friend, was a last minuter. Also, this is better than mine.
FD: I know.
BB: We aren’t friends anymore.

30: My Life As A Case Study’s Witch Pumpkin

FD: I like the green witch skin… and that expression is truly wicked. An excellent pumpkin representation of The Witch!
BB: You should also ensure you click on the link to see The Witch glowing. You can’t appreciate the green skin then, but boy that expression comes alive in the dark.

31: New to IVF’s Pumpkina and Pumpkini

FD: LOVE IT! Turtle needs to make sure she clicks through because there is a whole Pumpkina and Pumpkini storyboard on NewtoIVF’s blog.
BB: The video is amazing. Cute kids + pumpkins is a winning combination.
FD: Pumpkini is making me feel broody.
BB: Me too! Just look at that little nappy.

32. @Sams_ttc_story‘s Halloween Cat

BB: Someone on Twitter called this the cat’s meow.
FD: Lolz. I like the fangs. This is one evil cat!

33. Being based out in Bangkok didn’t deter @marvelivf. Pumpkins are pretty scarce in Bangkok, so they went for a watermelon instead.


FD: Oh! Such a cute carving!
BB: I love how the lack of pumpkins didn’t stop them. Maybe watermelon carving will catch on?

34. The Bachelor’s Button, “Chasing Dreams” pumpkin.

FD: This has a magical quality to it.
BB: And did you notice the title of the blog post? “Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 (will it be annual?). Interesting hey? And why is it interesting FD?
FD: Because we discussed it earlier. You want an annual Smackdown.
BB: Can we? Pretty pleeeeeeease?
FD: Hell no!
BB: Boo!!
FD: We’re all going to be busy racing our Bugaboos with our Nike Fuelbands by then!
BB: Yay!

35. With just 4 minutes to spare, @NoBunInMyOven sneaked in this little bad boy

FD: Wow, check out that spiders web! That’s some serious carving.
BB: I’d definitely have cut off my fingers if I’d have attempted that.
FD: That window sill display has got me right in the Halloween mood for tonight.

36. Bianca submitted her entry just as I went to blow my final whistle on Pumpkin Smackdown 2013

FD: What a lovely, happy pumpkin to end on.
BB: Agreed. Definitely not bad for a South African in the bush in spring. Pretty amazing, actually.

Thank you ALL for your submissions! They have been absolutely a-m-a-z-i-n-g. We have been laughing our heads off at them all week. If I have managed to omit your entry then either post a comment below, or contact me asap and I can rectify it.

The standard has been SO HIGH I’m glad I’m not the judge. Turtle is the judge so I will pass you over to her for sentencing. Wait, I mean judging. Turtle will be judging your entries TONIGHT and the winners will be revealed tomorrow. As a reminder, the categories are:

1. Grand Winner of Pumpkin Smackdown 2013
2. Best Expression in Show
3. Lamest Pumpkin
4. Best Infertility/Fertility Pumpkin Award
5. WTF Award
6. Almost Won Award

Good luck everyone – don’t forget to tune into the Results Show tomorrow!

So, while FD plays us out with a sweet bongo solo she has been working on, we bid you farewell. Thank you for joining us; you have all been total heros.

It’s goodbye from me, Barren Betty and her, Fertility Doll and our Grand High Priestess Judge, Turtle.

Goodnight!

BB, FD, IT xx

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29 thoughts on “Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 – the Grand Final!!!

  1. Aislinn

    Well I’m glad I didn’t participate, all those pumpkins (and watermelons and tomatoes) are a million times better than what I could have produced. Thank you BB and FD for hosting this, I can’t wait to see who the winners are!

    I agree with BB, this should totally be an annual thing.

    Reply
  2. SubFertileChick

    Brilliant ladies, just brilliant. Well done on organising. Reading this blog post has made my evening xxxxx

    Reply
  3. eli

    Thank you both for hosting this! It’s been a fabulous distraction. You are both hilarious, and these pumpkins are awesome. I don’t know how Turtle will be able to choose!

    Reply
  4. Smile

    Wow, the talent level here is astonishing! Makes me a little embarrassed to have my sad, non creative pumpkin entry in the mix. As always I am in awe of the smart, fabulous and hysterical ladies (and men) we have in this community…

    Reply
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  7. rceg91109

    WOW, you ladies are amazing! Seriously, how did you come up with this banter? Just hilarious. Definitely made my day. I see a book (or a comedy routine) in your futures! It’s incredible how you’ve brought this group of anonymous people together like this. Mind boggling to me.

    Reply
  8. newtoivf

    So so many amazing entries. It really is so impressive. Well done BB and FD for organising this – it must have been a lot of work… and such funny commentary! Love you guys xx

    Reply
  9. The infernal infertile

    Wow! This has been so awesome – and the results are amazing.

    flip between being so awestruck at the brilliant pumpkins/watermelons/cherry tomatoes and dying of jealousy that they’re all so much better than mine! (Please note the shameless fishing for compliments there….)

    Thanks so much to BB, FD and the wonderful, beautiful, amazing Turtle (never too late to flatter the judge) for pulling this together. Can’t wait to see the official results!

    Reply
  10. Aramis

    This totally made my Halloween. AND confirms that it was a good decision for me not to enter, as the skill and talent on display is amazing. Can’t wait to see who wins!

    Reply
  11. gradualchanges

    Well this is fantastic. This is my first week back in blogland post loss #3 (or is it four?) and you bitches have been cracking me up all week. Barren, you’re hilarious. But of course, it wouldn’t be so funny without Fertility Doll’s sweet juxtaposition. Thanks for doing this, I’m sure it was a ton of work. It really is wonderful and Congrats to all the entries! You’re all winners in my book today.

    Reply
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