Coming to you LIVE from England we have the Grand Final of Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 with your hosts me, Barren Betty and her, Fertility Doll. Please also welcome our Pumpkin-licious Pumpkin Grand High Judge and Priestess Immotile Turtle!
FD: I’d have written RAWRcous applause.
BB: And that is why I am in charge of typing.
There have been an unprecedented number of entries this year, so let’s crack on with the show.
Pumpkin Smackdown theme tune plays while FD dances a short ballet piece she has been practicing
FD: Good use of IVF paraphernalia, very nice. Topical and exhibits strong carvery skills.
BB: His expression makes me think he probably got poked with a needle somewhere else too.
BB: I’ve never seen a pumpkin carved into a dog before.
FD: Originality points.
BB: I also like that his eyes are lit up with joy and not burning with evil like most of our entries.
3. @ivfpincushion‘s (h)owl. Twit twoo!
BB: Do you get it?
FD: Get what?
BB: I wrote (h)owl instead of owl for jokes ‘cos it’s Halloween!
FD: It’s even less funny now that you’ve pointed it out. Anyway, this is an extremely cute owl!
BB: Go on, say it!
FD: Sigh. (H)owl.
BB: He he. A very high level of design skills are also being exhibited here. Nice.
4. Mr May’s (or H as he is known to his friends) submission. Umm, how can I describe this? I don’t know. I shall let the image speak for itself. It’s pretty powerful, especially coming straight after the cute owl:
BB: This is like viewing an image of inside my own brain.
FD: You must also note the determined spermatozoa.
5. @flitany‘s Pumpkin
BB: I have insider information here that will impress you even more than the pumpkin’s expression. This is a home grown pumpkin!
FD: Bonus points me thinks. Also, does this pumpkin have a sperm fascinator on its head?
BB: I showed all the entries to Mr Barren too and his comments were: “It’s an egg and a sperm pumpkin!”, “It looks like the top was chopped off with a samurai sword!” and “That pumpkin is really round.”
BB: Awesome. This reminds me of Garfield.
FD: A demonic Garfield.
7. “Gros Bobo” by @cantchoosewhen
BB: Hilarious. @cantchoosewhen has also informed us of his back story – “he is from a story book about a bird that can’t stop crying even when it’s friends try to help”. Sorta feel bad for laughing at him now.
FD: Look at those shoes! He is breaking my heart.
8. My entry. This is a (you call it pumpkin; I call it sculpture) of my current mental state
BB: WHY IS EVERYBODY’S BETTER THAN MINE? They obviously didn’t read the rules very carefully. Stupid show.
FD: Don’t worry, you can still win the special secret Betty prize we aren’t telling anyone about.
BB: Oh yeah, ta.
9. Jenny’s All Season’s Pumpkin
BB: Wow. A pumpkin for all seasons? This is mental.
FD: That is one deranged looking jack-o-lantern. You wouldn’t want to meet him on a dark night.
BB: Someone on Twitter said he looked like he was on drugs.
10: GK’s Cat Pumpkin
BB: Ooh, another cat. There is definitely an animal theme running through the Smackdown entries.
FD: This is a friendly, cheeky cat. I like him.
11. Robin‘s Heisenberg (Walter White, Breaking Bad)
BB: And THIS is why I said we shouldn’t let the Americans join in. Who can carve an actual face into a pumpkin? I mean, Robin can. I see that now. I loved Breaking Bad and I love this pumpkin too.
FD: Truly magnificent.
12. @BabylessCanuck carved these beauties with her hubs: her effort is the Jack; hubs is Bowser.
BB: Wowzer Bowser, that is cool. That is also one creepy ass Jack. I might have nightmares after looking at those.
FD: Incredible! I love these too.
13. @mcnh‘s Pumpkin
BB: I laugh every time I look at this one.
FD: It’s simple but effective.
14. The Infernal Infertile’s pumpkin.
BB: Aww, so cute.
FD: Also very original. Bonus points.
BB: I can further confirm having carved my pumpkin that rounded edges are HARD.
15. @sara_sward‘s pumpkin (angrily munching on a crinone applicator – he even broke a tooth)
BB: Another nice incorporation of IVF paraphernalia.
FD: I also like the deranged expression and mad eyes.
16. @myladybits and her pumpkin submission entitled: #meday8ofstims
BB: Well, at least you look better than I did.
FD: That’s a really brilliant name for a pumpkin.
17. Mandy‘s “The Evil Witch” (aka AF)
BB: Amazing. This pumpkin has it’s own props.
FD: Wow. I love it. I love the whole thing.
BB: This is one classy pumpkin. If this pumpkin had a party, it wouldn’t invite me.
FD: I also like that the shadows add to the expression. Is it the only one that uses the stork as the nose too?
BB: I believe so.
FD: Thinking outside the box. I like it!
18. Kelly‘s Pumpkin
BB: Aarrrgghhh!!! Why did you do that?
FD: I don’t know. Do you like the pumpkin?
FD: Me too!
19. auclairelalune’s infertility ghosts, ghouls, and goblins. To witness their full glory, I urge you to click on the link and visit her blog. Especially you Judge Turtle. The pumpkin is carved on 4 sides:
PCO (Polycystic Ovaries)
BB: My favourite gremlin is OAT. Mr Barren was also impressed with this one and exclaimed “It’s even the shape of a penis!”
FD: Wow. Poor Betty. This entry is exhibiting an extremely high level of design skills indeed.
20. @subfertilechick may have only done this for our amusement, but it was so amusing we had to list it here. Behold, the Cherry Tomato Carving:
BB: I always used to say that it wasn’t possible for a cherry tomato to look cute whilst puking, but I stand corrected.
21. @footallparky‘s Popstar Pumpkin
BB: Check out those eyebrows!
FD: Is it Michael Buble? I bet those star eyes were hard to cut.
BB: He really looks like he is getting his groove on.
22.RedBlueBird’s Halloween Owl.
FD: Please don’t make your owl joke again Betty.
BB: I was just about to.
FD: I know. This is an awesome owl! Very intricate. Much skill and patience required.
BB: He looks like he is having a hoot!
23. @napitynaps and her Halloween Cat
BB: I love this!
FD: That is genius; he looks really scared!
BB: I tried to cheat by googling amazing pumpkins and all of our entries are way better than what I found.
FD: There may be a lesson in there somewhere kids.
24. Mrs T has submitted an entry alongside her DD and DH (whose entries are below). Meet Jack:
FD: That’s a brilliant Jack!
25. Mrs T‘s DD’s pumpkin
BB: Yes! I’ve been waiting all show for a puking pumpkin! They are my favourites.
26. Mrs T‘s DH’s pumpkin
FD: I LOVE predator! I wanted to be one for Halloween once but couldn’t find a costume.
BB: I can’t speak. My mouth is still hanging open in wonder and awe.
27. Eli’s Mutant Uterus Pumpkin Eli tells us:
I give you the Mutant Uterus. You will note that the lining grows on the outside as well as the inside. You will also note that it is dangerous, dark and inhospitable. The ramifications of these facts are staggering: it will take some kind of Chuck Norris/Luke Skywalker-grade spawn to make a home in this mother. Ergo, when it does produce children, they will be extremely badass. Bring it.
BB: Hilarious. I think someone may be gunning for the WTF Award.
FD: Aww, another family entry. This is making me feel all happy inside.
BB: Me too. Considering it is just two eyes and a mouth that ghost is extremely creepy.
FD: HEY! Why is mine so much lower down the post than yours?!! CHEAT! CHEAT!
BB: Oh shut your pie hole. I’m just adding them in the order that they came in. And yours my friend, was a last minuter. Also, this is better than mine.
FD: I know.
BB: We aren’t friends anymore.
30: My Life As A Case Study’s Witch Pumpkin
FD: I like the green witch skin… and that expression is truly wicked. An excellent pumpkin representation of The Witch!
BB: You should also ensure you click on the link to see The Witch glowing. You can’t appreciate the green skin then, but boy that expression comes alive in the dark.
FD: LOVE IT! Turtle needs to make sure she clicks through because there is a whole Pumpkina and Pumpkini storyboard on NewtoIVF’s blog.
BB: The video is amazing. Cute kids + pumpkins is a winning combination.
FD: Pumpkini is making me feel broody.
BB: Me too! Just look at that little nappy.
32. @Sams_ttc_story‘s Halloween Cat
BB: Someone on Twitter called this the cat’s meow.
FD: Lolz. I like the fangs. This is one evil cat!
33. Being based out in Bangkok didn’t deter @marvelivf. Pumpkins are pretty scarce in Bangkok, so they went for a watermelon instead.
FD: Oh! Such a cute carving!
BB: I love how the lack of pumpkins didn’t stop them. Maybe watermelon carving will catch on?
34. The Bachelor’s Button, “Chasing Dreams” pumpkin.
FD: This has a magical quality to it.
BB: And did you notice the title of the blog post? “Pumpkin Smackdown 2013 (will it be annual?). Interesting hey? And why is it interesting FD?
FD: Because we discussed it earlier. You want an annual Smackdown.
BB: Can we? Pretty pleeeeeeease?
FD: Hell no!
FD: We’re all going to be busy racing our Bugaboos with our Nike Fuelbands by then!
35. With just 4 minutes to spare, @NoBunInMyOven sneaked in this little bad boy
FD: Wow, check out that spiders web! That’s some serious carving.
BB: I’d definitely have cut off my fingers if I’d have attempted that.
FD: That window sill display has got me right in the Halloween mood for tonight.
36. Bianca submitted her entry just as I went to blow my final whistle on Pumpkin Smackdown 2013
FD: What a lovely, happy pumpkin to end on.
BB: Agreed. Definitely not bad for a South African in the bush in spring. Pretty amazing, actually.
Thank you ALL for your submissions! They have been absolutely a-m-a-z-i-n-g. We have been laughing our heads off at them all week. If I have managed to omit your entry then either post a comment below, or contact me asap and I can rectify it.
The standard has been SO HIGH I’m glad I’m not the judge. Turtle is the judge so I will pass you over to her for sentencing. Wait, I mean judging. Turtle will be judging your entries TONIGHT and the winners will be revealed tomorrow. As a reminder, the categories are:
1. Grand Winner of Pumpkin Smackdown 2013
2. Best Expression in Show
3. Lamest Pumpkin
4. Best Infertility/Fertility Pumpkin Award
5. WTF Award
6. Almost Won Award
Good luck everyone – don’t forget to tune into the Results Show tomorrow!
So, while FD plays us out with a sweet bongo solo she has been working on, we bid you farewell. Thank you for joining us; you have all been total heros.
It’s goodbye from me, Barren Betty and her, Fertility Doll and our Grand High Priestess Judge, Turtle.
BB, FD, IT xx