I am back from my down regulation appointment, apart from they should call it “down regulation” appointment because it wasn’t really a down regulation appointment after all. Confused? Yeah, me too.
My brain is fried on Zoladex and I just cannot sleep so you will have to forgive the turdness of my writing skillz today. Now I have had a little time to process the morning I think I am feeling okay about it all; I just need to tough out another week of extreme anxiety, insomnia, hot flushes and headaches. Also, if I EVER again say, “well at least I will know one way or the other tomorrow”, shoot me. Just shoot me dead.
I shall set the scene:
DOWN REGULATION APPOINTMENT – incl., mock transfer, endometrial scratch, consent forms etc (this is what it says on my appointment card).
I also just want to say that my clinic are lovely, really lovely. I feel a bit bad writing this, but it’s true and I want to, so umm, I guess I will.
NURSE: So you know why you are here today? We will take you through to the treatment room and the doctor will do your mock transfer and endometrial scratch.
ME: Do I need to be down regulated for that? When will I have the down regulation scan?
NURSE: You aren’t being down regulated.
ME: Yes I am.
NURSE: No you aren’t. We don’t do that anymore. We don’t do long protocols now.
ME: *deep breath* I’ve been down regulated on Zoladex since November, I am on a long protocol.
NURSE: Oh. checks notes. Ok, well your down regulation scan isn’t today, it is on Monday next week.
ME: Why does it say this is my down regulation appointment on my appointment card? It says in the information pack that the mock transfer and scratch take place at this appointment.
NURSE: Well we still call it the down regulation appointment because it used to be, but we don’t do those cycles anymore. We still call it the down regulation appointment though, we just kept the name.
Well that clears that up then.
The scratch and the transfer were easy peasy. Bit sharp, but if you’ve ever had endometriosis and/or a period in your life you’ll survive, trust me.
I then pay for my drugs and whisper to my husband, “they have prescribed me the wrong dose of stims and other drugs that I don’t need.” We have a hushed conversation in the waiting room about how unlikely it is that I would be prescribed the wrong drugs. Surely this is the one thing they know best? Although, technically I have been given a prescription for the pill 3 times incorrectly, which I have politely returned 3 times without filling… because I don’t need it, I am down regulating on Zoladex.
To cut a long story short, I was right. Sigh. I was given a credit note for the wrong drugs and the nurse is querying the stims dose with Dr Hero (who wasn’t in today).
I am so, so tired. Did I say that already? It sounds ridiculous, but I am struggling to stay awake for a whole day. I can’t think straight and I am still SO WORRIED that I haven’t down regulated properly again. Now I can add to that list that I am going to be on the wrong dose of stims. I am simultaneously panicking that it won’t all get checked out properly and I’ll end up on a lower dose then won’t get any eggs again, and also that I am pushing them into giving me a higher dose which will over stimulate me resulting in the cycle being cancelled. Stupid, I know.
They told me not to worry and that it’d be sorted out at my scan on Monday, but I can’t stop now. I think I am going to have to email them about the drugs and ask that a) is the lower dose an oversight, or intentional? b) if it is intentional, what is the rationale for lowering it given that I had already been told a different dose which was decided upon based on my previous IVF cycle and my AMH result. I feel like I need to know that my doctor has agreed this lower dose is the way forward before anything starts (he didn’t write the prescription).
I am so stressed I need to make a list of things I am worried about:
1. I have been given an incorrect prescription 4 times now.
2. I will be on a dose of stims that is too low because nobody read my notes properly and I won’t get any eggs.
3. I will be on a dose of stims that is too high because I’m kicking up a fuss and I’ll be over stimulated.
4. I’ve had two conflicting pieces of information about what dose I should be on and I don’t understand which one is right.
5. I won’t be down regulated so who gives a shit what dose of stims I am on.
6. I don’t know how I can do another week of down regulation. I feel like absolute shit.
7. I am supposed to be having a general anaesthetic, which is rare for egg collections. The nurse told me to keep reminding them because even if it’s written all over my notes they might forget. I am worried about this too.
I think there is more in there somewhere but that’ll do for now.
I’ll end on some bits of good news. It was hard for the doctor to see because my uterus is upside down, backwards, crap, shy, lying down etc but as far as he could tell the lining didn’t look thick. I had a scratch and my mock transfer was straightforward. If I do get pregnant again, this clinic provide progesterone support until 8 weeks so I won’t have to fight that little battle again.
So, back again on Monday for my actual down regulation scan, not today’s “down regulation” scan which wasn’t. It’s just called that. Nope, still doesn’t make any sense to me either.
Sorry guys, you will all need to get your lucky giraffes out, orange knickers and lucky onesies back on for me next week. Please and thank you. Surely nothing else can go wrong? Surely I will be able to start (the right dose, whatever that will be) of stims on Monday, surely? Surely? I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE WAITING AND SET BACKS NOW.