Small IVF update. Before I start, I found an amazing ornament this weekend that Mr Barren wouldn’t let me buy. It would have gone totally perfect with this menagerie stoneware ringbox squirrel (chip on the acorn lid, none returnable, non refundable) that I saw in the sale last year (yours – or could have been mine – for £196, was £120):
This Secret Squirrel Acorn was a STEAL by comparison at £2.45. That’s the same price as a skinny decaf latte from Costa! It’s a practical and decorative piece for any garden or home! In its defence, it looked a little less like a wooden hand grenade in the shop.
Apart from not adding to my already none existent collection of squirrel ornaments, I have been injecting 450iu of Meronial since Friday and popping letrozole. I start cetrotide tomorrow and I have a scan on Friday.
The last time I actually got to start stims was so long ago I’ve pretty much forgotten how I felt. It has disappeared into the blurry mists of time. That, or all the alcohol I consumed after the miscarriage eroded my brain cells. I guess I could just look back in my blog and you know, find out. Knowing me I probably just wrote a long post about a dog driving a car and forgot to mention any side effects anyway.
This time I feel sick. Very sick. It is interfering with the egg-enhancing diet plan I devised for myself. I have a constant headache that just will. not. go. away. I have actually had a headache now since down regulation started in November, interspersed with some rather violent migraines. Nice! This new headache I have to say surpasses the down regulation headache, but falls someway short of a full blown migraine.
I have some pretty sharp pains in the ovaries . Probably no surprise given what is (should be) going on in there. I’m having a wobble that the 3-4 big follicles I had last month have just turned into cysts that are gobbling up all my drugs and stopping any follicles from growing. I’m also a bit confused how short protocol cycles work since it’s day 5 of stims today and my period is still plodding along with no signs of stopping. Surely I will have no lining to speak of at my first scan on Friday?! I’m also worried the follicles will be growing too quickly, or that I’ll just be growing one gigantic follicle. I’m trying to remind myself that last time I had 225iu and my response was entirely shit.
I know I shouldn’t waste energy worrying about what can go wrong, but I’ve had so many set backs and so much go wrong with my cycles over the last year I can’t help it. Things like, “that only happens 1% of the time”, “we only see that in 1 person every 2-3 months”, “once you see a heartbeat the chances of miscarriage reduce significantly” do NOT put my mind at rest. I’ve been that 1%, I’ve been that 1 person, I’ve had that miscarriage. I’ve been on the wrong side of the statistics more times than I can remember, even when the odds were stacked in my favour.
Incidentally, I wonder if I am freakishly unlucky, or whether I have magical powers. Evidence: in my second year at university I worried that I would be given the wrong exam paper for one particular module. I worried about this like MAD, mainly because I was (for once) actually very, very prepared for this particular exam. I voiced this worry with my boyfriend (now husband) who told me I was mental. I turned up, sat down and turned over the paper. It was the Masters exam (in case this makes no sense in your country, this is a 4th year post-grad exam, not a second year undergraduate one).
Enough complaining. At least I am here. I’ve started.