Thirty three

I learnt some pretty cool things about the number thirty three today. For example:

– 33 is the atomic number of arsenic (I wonder if this has somekind of cosmic significance given my news below)
– 33 is the largest positive integer that cannot be expressed as a sum of different triangular numbers.
– A normal human spine has 33 vertebrae when the bones that form the coccyx are counted individually.
– The divine name Elohim appears 33 times in the story of creation in the opening chapters of Genesis.
– 33 is not only a numerical representation of “the Star of David,” but also the numerical equivalent of AMEN: 1+13+5+14=33.
– it is a song by The Smashing Pumpkins on their album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.
– 33 is the international dialling code for France (home to my favourite cheeses, and coincidentally (?) also home to one of my favourite bloggers).

After that little list you’re probably thinking, hang on a minute, what is NOT COOL about the number thirty three? Well friends, I shall tell you. It is NOT COOL when you have a lead follicle after 7 days of stims that is 33mm. No, not cool at all.

Sigh.

If you recall, I managed to grow three big follicles after the Zoladex disaster, but we decided not to do an egg collection. Instead we decided to wait, wait, and wait some more then start with 450iu Meronial, under the assumption that we should get quite a few more eggs that way. My ovaries were obviously listening to that little optimistic chat, because they have worked their evil magic and instead of growing me lots of nice follicles, they have concentrated all their efforts and grown one super lead follicle of 33mm instead. Shit.

There are a couple of 15mm ones (I think, I was in there on my own and fairly mortified and therefore pretty much not listening). I’m carrying on with the maximum dose over the weekend and having another scan on Monday. That big follicle is absorbing all the drugs and preventing the smaller ones from growing, but hopefully the 15mm ones will grow enough to allow an egg collection.

You are probably almost as bummed as me now. I’ll tell you a little (true) story to cheer you up.

I came back into the waiting room after being scanned. At my clinic, a sonographer scans you then you wait for a nurse to talk you through what they saw and the next steps. Obviously, with all the treatment and scans I’ve had, I am practically a sonographer myself now so I watched the scan in progress and quizzed the lady/just read the scan myself so I knew the score. It was bad. I gave my mum the brief facts when I returned to the waiting room, but I could feel myself starting to cry so I couldn’t go into detail. We both sat there staring glumly at the fake flowers in the middle of the room. Then another patient came out and sat down next to her friend. Let’s call her, Annoying Woman.

ANNOYING WOMAN’S FRIEND: How’d it go? What did they say?
ANNOYING WOMAN: Great! I’ve got 38 eggs growing!!
ANNOYING WOMAN’S FRIEND: Amazing!!
ME: Pulls face at my mum
ANNOYING WOMAN: The nurse said it was brilliant. She said it’s just like two big bunches of grapes. And loads of them are 18mm as well!!
ANNOYING WOMAN’S FRIEND: I can’t believe it, that’s so good.
ME: Whispers to my mum I am feeling stabby.
MUM: Laughs Good job there are no weapons in the waiting room.
ANNOYING WOMAN AND FRIEND: More drivelling on about her 38 egg bearing wonder ovaries.
ME: More face pulling
MUM: Not whispering at all Well if you ask me, I don’t think 38 eggs is good at all. I think it’s a worry… I mean, 38!! I’d be more worried about that than just having 2 or 3. Surely that number can’t be good for you?!

Take that, Annoying Woman. POW!

I can’t believe I am saying this, but we’re probably looking at 2 eggs again. Hopefully. Maybe. Please don’t tell me “it only takes one”. I know that it only takes one, but most people don’t only have one or two to choose from. It only took one last time: 2 eggs; 1 embryo implanting. Look how that turned out. I can feel history repeating itself already.

This is all getting so expensive now with very little to show for it. If I do get an egg, it had better be an effing platinum and diamond egg this time and not just a golden one.

BB xx

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26 thoughts on “Thirty three

  1. NotSoNewtoIVF

    There are not enough swear words in the world. I’m so fucking sorry it’s always so stressful. Love your mum though xx

    Reply
  2. Fertility Doll

    Gooooo mum! That many eggs is worrying and I’d expect the quality to be affected at that number! Plus eggs are great but she’s still got fertilisation hurdle to go.

    All these bumps will amount to a baby bump – that’s my mantra for you. Keep fighting and talk to your follies!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve mainly been shouting swear words at them since yesterday so maybe I’ll try and be nice. It was so awful getting 2 eggs last time and hoping they’d fertilise.. Can’t believe it’s happening again. Or being cancelled. Whatever. I think they might do ICSI with that low number… find out next week I guess. I feel doomed 😦

      Reply
      1. Fertility Doll

        Make them do ICSI – at least so you have somewhat of a guarantee. I hate this cycle. It’s been so tough on you but given everything that’s happened along the way you’re being super strong. Let’s not think about cancellation!!!

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        ICSI is an extra £1k so it had better chuffing work!!! I’ve already paid the maximum for my drugs. This is the most expensive fricking egg in the whole world.

      3. Fertility Doll

        The diva egg. Definitely going to be a girl. That’s my prediction. (Yes I’m being all positive, you will get through this, the embryo will be a fighter and you will see a BFP)

  3. sadietrue

    A 33mm follicle?? How did your ovary manage to do that?? I’m so sorry this cycle isn’t going to plan. And also that you had to put up with a gloating bitch in the waiting room. In most clinics in Australia if you have more than 20 follicles they won’t even proceed to pick-up because if there’s too many the egg quality is badly effected and the risk of OHSS is way too high. I had 34 eggs picked up my first cycle and only one embryo made it. That silly woman has no idea what she’s gloating about.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know… I didn’t realise they could even grow that big?!! Stupid, stupid body.

      Geez, 34 eggs and 1 embryo must have been really horrible. I hate how hard this is for everyone… No one cycle seems to go perfectly. It’s just a jumble of different problems and hurdles to get through.

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I really hate my body now. I thought I hated it before, but now I REALLY A LOT hate it. I follow tons of blogs and people on twitter and I’ve never come across a 33mm follicle before. WHY!!??! GODDAMIT.

      Oh, and I can rent my Mum out but she isn’t for sale x

      Reply
      1. The infernal infertile

        During our last round of treatment I had one that made it to about 27mm but you win hands down. I did get five eggs (all crap) as well so maybe the uber-follicle will end up sharing some of the love and let the others grow.

        It’s kind of liberating not having to worry about trying to get my useless body to produce eggs anymore… But if I could magically get eggs of my own I’d try just about anything.

        Don’t hate your body. Sure… It might be traitorous and a general pain in the arse… But it carries you around and you are a truly wonderful person xxx

        P.S. My Mum tried to give me away when I was 7 so I’d love to tell her I’d finally found a new one. Maybe we could work on a timeshare arrangement? 🙂

  4. Jenn

    Your mum has gained many fans today. At least you can be happy you’re the only who gets to have her? 33 is also how old Jenn will be in 3 days and will be crying loads, so we can both hate the stupid number, get drunk, and move on from it.

    I agree with the whole annoying “it only takes one” thing. It’s just like with sperm. Yeah, technically you only need one, but statistically, you need more just so you have a chance that one is going to be good enough. It’s not comforting.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      More proof that 33 is evil. I’ve still got a letter for you, which includes a drawing and as of yesterday… A POEM. I’ve had to rewrite the letter 3 times now because I keep not sending it. What’s wrong with me?

      Actually, don’t answer that. “It only takes one” is a particular bug bear of mine. Having said that, I whisper it to myself all the time. I just don’t like it when someone else says it to me.

      Reply
  5. Nushi

    Whoa- a 33mm follie must be uncomfortable. How are you managing? Aren’t they concerned about giving you more stims?

    Way to go for your mum! People can be so insensitive.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Apparently not since I’m on the max dose still over the weekend! It is uncomfortable, but because of my endometriosis I find that I have constant pain anyway (that I just ignore!), so it’s a bit hard to tell. I’m starting to get really nervous about next week now. It’ll be so expensive to cancel at this point and so depressing to only get 1 or 2 eggs again.

      I hope you and baby are getting on well xxx

      Reply
  6. buckrugerlayla

    Before we hit this really cool family making roadblock, I had no idea how awful it is to be the person in a room who could not easily make a human. Now that we are here, I am extremely sensitive to how I say something and what I say may affect others. Especially in the RE waiting room. Good for your mum to speak up and maybe remind those ladies that there are people all over the map in these treatments. And we should be respectful of those individuals. Regardless, hopefully that literal giant is a great quality follicle and hopefully the 15mm ones stand up for their hits of drugs. Also, I am impressed with all the “33” references!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know!! The waiting room where two other women were clearly either crying or trying not to (and that’s not including me!!). It was her first cycle and she obviously just didn’t have a clue. My mum thought she was whispering, but it was err.. pretty loud for a whisper!!

      Unfortunately the big follicle is unlikely to contain an egg (apparently), and if it does it grew so fast it’ll be naff quality. We have to hope the 15mm ones grow. Urgh. At least it’s only one more day to wait to find out.

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I feel like I’m ovulating despite the cetrotide so I wonder if it might have burst by then? They told me they’d drain everything, but that it is highly unlikely the big follicle contains an egg. They said we need to focus on the smaller ones and hope they grow. Can’t believe I’m only going to get 2 at best again, even with double the dose 😦

      Reply
  7. eli

    So very sorry to hear this. So disheartening…I would definitely say fork over the extra 1k for ICSI…you’re breaking the bank anyway :/ Hoping against hope for those 2 follies…may they be ninja fighter follies. That’s what I shall call them. Badass ninja follies. More tenacious than a thousand eggs – let alone 38. Let it be so.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Disheartening is the word. I keep telling myself that I did EVERYTHING this cycle that I could think of…I’ve eaten loadsa protein, I’ve been super healthy, kept warm, slept properly, no alcohol, no caffeine, lots of water. I even took my supplements everyday. All for nothing. I don’t think I could have done anything else, it’s just really, really unlucky. Again. Sigh.

      I like badass ninja follies. I’m going to call them that too.

      Reply
  8. Freija Chloe

    I strangely had a very similar waiting room experience today! And I also only have 3 contenders in the ER race (scheduled for Wed). I wanted to throw something at Happy, Happerson gloating loudly about her overabundant ovaries. Instead I opted for the annoyed throat clear and evil eye combo. She got the picture and kept it down. I feel guilty though… honestly… If I had even 10 follicles this round I know I would be over the moon just as she was. I do like to think though, that I would at least be respectful of those having less success out in the waiting room.

    Reply

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