Either a coincidence, or more likely further evidence the universe wants me killed

It’s Mother’s Day in the UK on Sunday. That vomit inducing, commercial day of stupid designed to make mothers feel special for being able to reproduce and infertiles feel like grief stricken, worthless nobodies. This Mother’s Day is extra special for me this year, being the non-due date of my only ever pregnancy.

Welcome to Betty’s Life, sponsored by The Universe: just making your crap life that little bit crapper.

The good (ish) news is that I have a follow up appointment on Monday. In an hour of hysteria after discovering my BFN I wrote a list of questions so long it could only have been written by a completely desperate and/or crazy person. They are going to love me next week. I am not sure I have the energy for any of this anymore, so I should be thankful that I utilised my post-BFN rage for good and wrote a list at all. I hope I can be bothered to ask all my questions, but right now I am 50% sloth, 27% wine, 15% utter misery, 5% The Vampire Diaries and 3% chocolate digestive biscuits.

More good-ish news is that according to the OPKs of Useless Hope I have indeed ovulated this week. However, I always ovulate and I never get pregnant so not sure why I am bothering with the but-I’m-tired-do-we-have-to-can-I-finish-watching-this-episode-of-the-office-first timed sex, but of course, I am. I am skeptical about ovulation this month anyway. Normally I have very clear, sharp pains over the ovary that’s (allegedly) doing the business but I’ve had no pains this month. When I say no pains, obviously I mean I have the constant abdominal pain that never leaves me (thank you endometriosis), just nothing specific.

I have also (at the time of writing) not started any fights in the swimming pool, even though there was a floater in the medium lane this week.

Hopefully I won’t explode from stress with the weekend and appointment of doom approaching, but I don’t think I can make any promises. I wonder if it’s possible to drink myself into a coma for a couple of days without any lasting damage?*

BB xx

*okay, calm down, I probably won’t.

Advertisements

25 thoughts on “Either a coincidence, or more likely further evidence the universe wants me killed

  1. mylifeasacasestudy

    Wow you do have a gift for getting screwed over, don’t ya? But yes WINE and more WINE should medicate the issue. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping something good comes of the appointment this week. XO

    Reply
  2. Isabelle

    That sucks. Sucks more that Mother’s Day in the UK is so early in the year. Who set the date?? Weird. Anyhow, glad you didn’t start any fights. Just let the floater be. In the mean time, I hope that the timed sex was/is still fun. Getting some answers at your Monday appointment may be good for your soul as well.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks Isabelle. You are always my voice of reason… I’ll keep out of fights. I am hoping that Monday’s appointment will give me a plan and help me calm down a bit because I am not doing very well at the moment! I am all over the place. Just so so sick and tired of all of this xxx

      Reply
  3. kiftsgate

    Glad you have the appointment coming up. You may not be able to ask all the questions, but it is always good to discuss. I really hope they have some decent suggestion. You can most certainly abuse alcohol. So will I. And I’ll be thinking of you this week-end while drinking a nice bottle of Sancerre! xx
    PS: can I trade the office for football? I have enough of being ditched for football matches. But with the world cup coming up I better get used to it…

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Urgh, me too. I’m dreading it for some reason but hopefully I’ll feel better after. Not sure I can feel any worse anyway!! Yummy for Sancerre… I’m totally going to copy you πŸ˜‰

      Oh no for the World Cup. My husband has just purchased a Playstation 4 so that’s probably the end of our TTC efforts now!!!

      Reply
  4. A Calm Persistence

    Thinking about you and I do hope this cycle is different. Life is certainly not fair for you at all. I swear you just can’t catch a break! I’m also dreading Mother’s Day and it’s not until mid-May here in the US. I’ll be thinking about you with your upcoming appointment too.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks. Mother’s Day really is the worst. I hadn’t twigged that it was my non due date until this week… perfect timing :/ Sometimes I wish I could hide under a rock until the bad things are finished! I’m hoping Monday’s appointment will give me a plan and something to focus on… I’m all over the place at the moment.

      Reply
  5. myhopejar

    Ugh! I’m so sorry hon. I absolutely HATE mother’s day too. I always try to focus on my mother and my MIL on this day and forget that I should be one too, but it’s impossible and all those commercials make it so much worse! I had a good chuckle at your “50% sloth, 27% wine, 15% utter misery, 5% The Vampire Diaries and 3% chocolate digestive biscuits” description of yourself. I have been that exact same person too πŸ™‚ Sending you so much love. I pray your upcoming meeting goes well and you get all your questions answered. Big hug!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Luckily my mother thinks Mother’s Day is stupid so it isn’t a massive deal! I’m sorry you have been part sloth/wine/misery/TVD/biscuits too. Not a good place to be :/ I’m hoping the appointment on Monday will give me a bit of focus. I’m all over the place at the moment :/ xx

      Reply
  6. amh! omg!

    All you need is for Kate Middleton to announce she’s pregnant (that’s what happened to me) i developed a completely irrational hatred of her. I bet this time next year things will be different though. You need a big swim in lake you (without floaters) or failing that a big vat of wine.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Bleugh, I hated that pregnancy announcement!!! Still can’t believe she announced, gave birth, had a baby and I am still not pregnant. I hope things are different this time next year, but I’ve been saying that to myself for a long time now and it’s just progressively getting worse. I’m not saying it this year. If we are in the same position next year I’m giving up. Just not got anymore fight left in me x

      Reply
  7. GK

    I’m dreading Mother’s Day. Last year my husband bought me a card written from our unborn baby only to discover a week later that the baby had died before Mother’s Day (not that it could have written a card even if it was still alive). Now I feel like card shops are just mocking me. I have managed to get myself the reputation as the office grinch after I announced yesterday that I thought Mother’s Day was silly as its just congratulating people for deciding to have a baby and being successful when surely the baby was the reward for that. Enjoy the wine. I hope the appointment goes well on Monday and you make it through the list!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh no, that’s so hard. I’m sorry. Even though this is my 4th Mother’s Day of TTC I’ve never been bothered about the others… but this one? This one is KILLING ME. I hate the reminders. I am a grinch about pretty much every holiday. Christmas? Hate. Mother’s Day? Hate. Birthday? Hate. Easter? Sorta don’t hate so bad for the chocolate. Stupid family holidays everywhere.

      Reply
  8. NotSoNewtoIVF

    Oh BB… mother’s day? Are you fucking serious? Sending you all the love. And wine.
    Inspired by you I went swimming this week! Some how I picked the time when the schools were there so I was in ONE Lane with SIX ‘swimmers’ 4 of which were wafters. It gave me swim-rage and for that I blame you. That and the fact that the muscles above my boobs now hurt. How dare you encourage me to exercise!
    Will be thinking of you on Sunday and Monday xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know!!! Fucking hell. I never know when Mother’s Day is so I only realised this week. I’m already drinking a glass of wine at 4.30 in the afternoon so doesn’t bode well for the rest of the weekend :/

      YAY! I’m so happy you went swimming. You need to relocate to the north and come swimming with me! I hate the wafters… And I’ve realised my swimming rage is worse than road rage! And supermarket rage, which I also have pretty bad. I’ve been going 3 times a week for 2 weeks and my last swim I actually felt quite strong and enjoyed it more. Hang in there! Having said that, my hair is now grey straw. Word of warning.

      Reply
  9. Jenn

    OMG what is the universe’s fucking problem? Mother’s Day of all days? Is this like some kind of test to see how far you can be pushed before you implode on everyone around you? So far, you’re doing great. Haven’t started physical altercations as far as I know. Whether or not you have mentally envisioned peoples murders, we may never know.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know 😦 I’m dreading it really. Hasn’t helped that 3 of my friends and 2 cousins were all due around the same time so my life is currently filled with newborns. I wish I could crawl under a rock and die but don’t supposed that is an option really. I’m reaching the end of my tether after 4 years of this stupid shit. Don’t think I have much left in me x

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s