Back in the saddle

No magical in-between-IVFs pregnancy here then. No, no here we are gearing up, dusting off and getting back on the horse lame mule.

It’s CD2 and I am back on the pill for three weeks then letrozole, 450iu Meronial and Cetrotide again. Because it worked so well last time didn’t it? Oh no, my bad. It. Was. Shit. My first goal is not to have the cycle cancelled, because having a cancelled cycle before each fresh is a habit I would most certainly like to break.

One question I would like to pick your brains and vast IVF knowledge on. Where do you stand on supplements? What did you take? I am tempted to take nothing except pregnacare.

I am a muddle of feelings about this cycle. A lot of my friends and family have new babies which is making it harder. I torture myself by looking at them and saying they weren’t even pregnant when I started IVF yet they have babies now. I look at their two year olds and three year olds and work out how long I’d been trying to conceive for when they texted me their scan pictures. I’m so left behind. I’m trying not to, but a bit of me looks at this next round and wonders just how sad and left behind I will be in another 3 months when it’s all over. Even further behind, even poorer, even more sad.

I’m being dramatic, slap me.

I could drivel on forever or until you go blind and deaf so anyway, I read a lot of pregnancy blogs. Well, maybe they are more accurately described as pregnancy-after-infertility blogs. Whatever. I read them and I’ve noticed that a lot do the same little questionnaire at the end tracking their pregnancy each week – you know, number of weeks, boy or girl, nausea, symptoms, etc etc. I decided earlier this week it’s not fair that I am left out of this, so I am going to subject you to a weekly questionnaire of my very own so we can chart my progress too. Some of the questions weren’t relevant but turns out I could answer most of them with just a couple of minor amendments. Yippee, I can play!

Number of weeks (of the questionnaire): 1.

Total weight gain/loss: Well I’ve gained 14lbs in 2 years, but lost 2lbs in the last couple of weeks, so…. let’s call that a 2lb loss.

Best moment this week: AF turned up so I could call the clinic.

Worst moment: AF turned up so I could call the clinic.

Movement: I’ve walked a lot, but I’ve missed out on my usual swimming (see above).

Anything making you queasy or sick: Old people snogging, and especially that advert for denture glue with the old people snogging – BUT DON’T WORRY, at least their dentures won’t fall out into each other’s mouths. Who had that idea for an advert? Is that what oldies are worrying about? Oh no, I’d better not snog Enid/Bert incase my dentures fall in their mouth again?

Sex: Yes please, he he.

Symptoms: Cramps, my skin is dry and I have a mild headache.

Wedding rings on or off: On, surprisingly given that I have been a complete lunatic this week.

Happy or moody most of the time: I am a black swamp of rotten fermenting misery being sicked on by hyenas, shat on by crows and eaten by maggots and worms.

Current project: Operation Make New Friends. I’m sure you remember everything I write, so you won’t have forgotten that I moved house a while ago. Fortunately one of my very best friends already lived here with her husband and their kids (in the town, not like, already in my house). Unfortunately she is emigrating in June – to Australia, of all places. I am working part time and from home. My hobbies are bitching about IVF and lying face down crying. This is not conducive to making new friends.

Looking forward to: I spent ages trying to answer this before I realised that I don’t look forward anymore, it’s too scary. I’m looking forward to my dinner tonight because I’m hungry already and it’s only 3pm (quorn and bean chilli if you’re interested).

Now you guys can do the questionnaire too! HOORAY!

BB xx

P.s. As a reward for reaching the end, I can tell you that the It Looks Like A Penis page has been updated. It includes some majestic penis rock formations as well as a croissant and coffee getting on better than you could ever (and probably should never) imagine.

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45 thoughts on “Back in the saddle

  1. Isabelle

    I also would LOVE to have a magical in-between-IVF pregnancy. 😦 that it didn’t happen. It sucks. As for supplements, I have been taking a bunch of things…. DHEA, some sort of prenatal for IVF, and some other things.. I don’t feel that they have made a difference to my ability to get pregnant.. I am still sitting here wishing for a magical in between IVF pregnancy… but what do I know. I was laughing so hard at your weekly updates! I read it to Bob and he was laughing his head off. Now I have an image of oldies snogging….

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve taken everything under the sun in the way if supplements (BFNs from natural cycles and IVF), taken nothing except folic acid (IVF miscarriage and a million natural BFNs). Doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to it! I want to feel like I’m doing everything I can, but it’s all so expensive and I get worried I’m just been taken for a ride. Meh. I am very much hoping you will have a magical inbetween IVF pregnancy too. Or an IVF pregnancy would be fine as well!! Xxx

      I’m glad Bob liked the update too. Hi Bob πŸ™‚

      Reply
  2. kiftsgate

    You are a GENIUS!! I loved the idea of playing a game we’re not usually able to play.. AWESOME!! Too bad you can’t share your blog with your neighbours because they would most certainly want to become your friends!
    I won’t slap you about the dramatic feelings because I do the same maths and would have to slap myself, which doesn’t sound like a good idea.. But, as hard as it is, we should really try to focus on us and stop comparing ourselves to others (fertiles or infertile)..
    On supplements: every doctor gave me different advice. My old doctor gave me nothing. This one put me on something which look similar to pregnacare, but also told me to still take folic acid, iron supplements (because my iron is low), inofolic (for PCOS). So I am taking lots of pills, getting stomach cramps and hating it.
    What happened to the column from place the Voges in Paris I sent you on twitter this week? Not penis-shaped enough? I will look more…
    Crossing fingers for the May cycle! xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh god, I’d die if anyone I knew read my blog! They’d think I’m even more of a lunatic than I already am!! Hehe, I think my questionnaire might get boring quite quickly but I’ll subject you all to it for a while anyways πŸ˜‰

      I’m confused about supplements. Both my clinics just said take folic acid, nothing else matters. I did absolutely nothing except that in the summer, and still got pregnant and did everything this last cycle and BFN. I am starting to feel like it’s just the luck of the draw.

      Oh man, I can’t believe I missed a picture from you!!! Noooo!!! Like I would have ignored that! I’ll have to go on twitter and see if I can find it. That sounds like a dead cert for the gallery!!! Xxx

      Reply
      1. kiftsgate

        ahahah don’t bother looking for the picture on twitter I can send it again.. I got it from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phallic_architecture
        now that I look better there’s Pisa’s tower too. of course my country had to have some phallic shaped architecture too…
        I think there’s a lot more that matters in making IVF work. Supplements are one of those pluses that can maybe help a bit but I don’t think they can actually make IVF work.. I think went from a clinic that didn’t even prescribe folic acid to one where I got tested for vitamin D and iron as if they were the keys to success.. honestly I don’t think anyone knows… xxx

  3. Steph Mignon

    Betty my dear your antics always entertain me. Though i didnt do ivf (iui) instead i did eat the low carb diet based on a study i read. That’s a free-ish way to maybe improve your outcome! Even though i am now pregnant (hopefully not for much longer, it’s time) i still compare people’s child’s ages to where i was at in my journey. It may be weird, but i do. Cheers to a nice next 3 weeks as you prep for you next cycle! You’ve got a boat load of unicorns and magic old people with magic wands instead of dentures coming your way….

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve been attempting a lower carb diet for a while… But bread. Dear God, me and bread are lovers. I don’t know if I could live without bread. I mean, I probably could. I guess. Just I’d live in a state of despair and hunger πŸ˜‰

      Thanks for the unicorns and magic old people. I can’t believe I’m doing this all over again!!

      I hope baby is making her arrival soon. Sooo exciting. I’m looking forward to seeing pics and hearing all about it mumma πŸ˜€ xxx

      Reply
  4. Holly E

    I love love love love love your survey!! I think we should make our own up and we can do it weekly/daily or whenever the hell we feel like it!

    Reply
  5. Arwen Rose

    I am not sure I have ever commented on here before but I wanted to ask if you watch the Great British Menu? Last night in the Northern Irish Mains heat they had an item of food that was ejaculating-penis-looking on there. It brought tears to my eyes, so funny, it was sooooo bad!!!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ahh, I didn’t see it was on but I’ve watched it before! I love a good cookery programme. I cannot believe I missed that. I’m so disappointed!!!

      Reply
  6. myhopejar

    I love this post! Brilliant! Those pregnancy update lists have been so annoying. I love that you’ve created your own! Good luck with this cycle hon. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    P.s. I LOVE your “everything looks like a penis” page!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Haha, thanks!! I was feeling left out. I generally just scan read the questionnaires because it brings out the jealousy monster in me :/ And thanks for the good luck. I can hardly believe I’m doing it again already, but onwards and upwards…

      It makes me laugh so much that people used to find my blog by searching “IVF blog” “infertility” etc, and now I get loads of referrals from “penis trees” and “amazing penis rock formations” haha!! xxx

      Reply
      1. myhopejar

        I know what you mean! I’m genuinely happy for each and every one of us who makes it to the other side and even enjoy reading the updates and lists. It give me a lot of hope, but some days when its’ particularly hard, those lists are a bit much to take, and I feel the jealously monster rearing it’s ugly head too.

        That is too funny!

  7. lucy50

    My doctor made a comment to me that he sees people get pregnant between treatment cycles. I’m glad he does because I don’t. I’m not. Ugh.
    I also have friends who, in the time I have been trying, have gotten pregnant, had their babies, and are now posting “we’re six months old!” pics. The only thing that’s six months old around here are my progesterone suppositories because my treatment cycles keep getting cancelled.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Waa, I hate it! I can’t believe some of my friends who started TTC same time as me have three children already. THREE! I just want one goddamit!!

      Cancelled cycles are the worst, it’s so fucking annoying. Sorry for the bad word, but it really is. I understand – my first IVF started in Feb 2013, cancelled in April. Due to start in May, cancelled until June. Next round started in Nov 2013, cancelled in January. Seriously, why can’t our bodies just behave?! ARGH.

      Reply
      1. lucy50

        Say fuck all you want. This game, out of every game, calls for the word fuck. Um, also I guess you could apply that literally.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hey there! Thanks. Vitamin D is coming up quite a bit. I looked at my prenatal and it includes a big dose of vit D too… I took fish oils last time, but god they are GROSS. Everything tastes like fish oil all day. Bleugh bleugh bleugh. Maybe I should do it then… they worked a treat for you πŸ˜‰

      Reply
  8. Clare

    I was put on a high dose of coQ10 and vitamin D on top of a prenatal. The vitamin D was because I had really low levels. My doc is big on coQ10 though.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      What dose did you take? Was it 600mg/day? I took it last cycle and for about 3 months leading up to it (at a lower dose) and it put me off because the whole cycle was so terrible. I can’t decide whether to take it again now… I’ve read a lot of good stuff about it but it’s so bloody expensive! I think I’m going to go and get some more today anyway. Did you take it for long before your cycle?

      Reply
  9. Fertility Doll

    If I show you my supplement list, you might roll your eyes at me (you know me.. trying everything out there) but hell might as well test it. I have spent so much on pills the last few months :/ I can’t even remember what half the stuff does! I’ll email you.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks babz. You are certainly the supplement queen! I think having just dropped thousands of £££s on another round, supplements are really a drop in the ocean. I am just so skeptical of them, it feels like a waste of money. Mind you, IVF has been a total waste of money too so far, what’s a few more pounds!!

      Reply
  10. beckdogenator

    Love the questionnaire. Supplements: 1000mg of vitamin C, 200mg ubiquinol daily, extra folic acid and prenatal vitamin – Oh and before last IVF, 3 months of DHEA 25mg three times a day. Wishing you the best.

    Reply
  11. NotSoNewtoIVF

    Love you BB…Love the questionnaire too, wanna do one but have about 3 blog posts I haven’t had time to write yet! Xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yeah, join in! I’m not surprised you’ve had no time for blogging.. Sounds like you’ve barely had time to sleep recently! I hope things become less manic for you soon, and I’m looking forward to catching up on your posts when you get a chance to finish them πŸ™‚ xxx

      Reply
  12. redbluebird

    Lolz at your “happy or moody most of the time.” You make me smile. Sorry, that seems wrong to smile/laugh at your misery. What a bitch I am.
    I think it’s time things start going right for you. It’s Spring, new beginnings & all that. I really hope this is the last IVF you have to do (unless, of course, baby Betty wants a sibling).
    I get a little crazy with the supplements, so you probably don’t want my advice. I’m just always SURE there is a somewhat natural miracle cure for everything out there. My RE told me to cut it out and stop taking them all though. I took CoQ10 and L-Arginine (for lining) up until my successful BFP though. And baby aspirin too.
    Wishing you lots of luck, friend!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Haha I think it’s safe to presume if I describe myself as a black swamp of rotten fermenting misery being sicked on by hyenas, shat on by crows and eaten by maggots and worms that I am joking… Or at least exaggerating a tad!! Someone needs to stage an intervention for me the day I actually feel that bad πŸ˜‰

      I’ve decided to start on CoQ10 again. Do you remember the dose you had? I took it last year from Oct-my egg retrieval beginning of March but stopped. It’s so expensive, but I’ve decided it’s worth a try. Probably should have been taking it the last 4 weeks too but nevermind!

      Reply
  13. ksirahsirah

    Your questionnaire made me smile.. And I think it’s brilliant that you “play”! I was dx with DOR and was told iVF may not work for me as i might not produce enough eggs. so Before I attempted IVF I was religious about taking Co-q10 supplements ( about 3 months before I started bcp) & acupuncture about 1 month before IVF and low carbs ( not no carbs) … Good luck with your upcoming cycle- rooting for you all the way from California!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      CoQ10 sounds v popular… I took it Oct-March but stopped after my BFN. I’ve just started again now. It’s just so expensive! Puts me off!! Do you remember what dose you took? Thanks for the good luck. I am having major admin issues with the clinic today so I’m not feeling very hopeful for a May start anymore!!! xxx

      Reply
  14. bebeparler

    Love your questionnaire, brilliant. Co-q10 was what I took before IVF#2 – apparently it makes great eggs. Neither cycle worked but I produced a hell of a lot of eggs though. Apart from all the other usual fertility drugs for IVF #3 and my FET six months later I took Pregnacare, brazil nuts (regulate blood sugar levels and prevent miscarriage) and ate as healthily as I could. Best of luck Betty with this cycle, rooting for you all the way from Ireland.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ahh, Brazil nuts. I ate them both cycles… Need to go and buy some more. I really hate them though. They are the worst of all nuts if you ask me!! I’m back on the CoQ10, although I feel annoyed every time I take one about how expensive they are. So stupid when I’m paying an invoice for thousands of £££s… It’s a drop in the ocean really!! Do you remember the dose you took?

      Thanks for the good luck πŸ™‚ I just want to get started again now! xxx

      Reply
  15. Smile

    OMFG love, love the questionnaire. I am totally stealing (with credit, of course) this concept for my blow by blow account of IVF #3. Why should fertiles have all the fun? I am on every fucking supplement under the sun at this point, partially due to the fact that I’m going to CCRM and partially due to the ‘It Starts with the Egg’ book that others have referenced. No clue if it’s the supplements but my AFC count has gone way up and my FSH and AMH numbers have magically transformed into ‘normal person’ range since I started taking them a few months ago. Obviously the numbers can’t predict any improvements in egg quality (which is my big issue) but I am happy that at least they don’t seem to be hurting things. Here’s the post to my blog post if you want more info – http://infertilityabsurdity.wordpress.com/2014/04/01/i-am-taking-all-the-supplements-aka-my-pill-list/. All the best of luck my dear, will be following along and sending hope and magical unicorn wishes for this to be the one!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Steal away! The more the merrier πŸ˜€

      Ooh, that list is sooo helpful. I really, really hate taking pills. I find it much more of a hassle/ordeal than is necessary. I have no idea why. It’s not exactly hard is it?! I was taking CoQ10 for a while before, then stopped after BFN and got annoyed about the price. I’ve decided to start that again, along with pregnacare, royal jelly and omega 3. In for a penny, in for a (thousand million) pounds. I’m skeptical about my egg quality, but the clinic were pretty vague about it when I asked. Kinda shrugged and just said the embryos looked okay. Helpful.

      I’ll be interested to see how you get on at CCRM – you are playing with the big boys! Do you like it there? I need to go and read your blog… For some reason not all posts are coming up on my reader and I think I’m missing loads.

      I hope your cycle number 3 goes well… I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!

      Reply
  16. Lisette

    Brilliant post BB, loving the questionnaire. Those things always make me feel a bit ill. I concur with the other ladies, my list of supplements was pages and several hundred ££ long but my top favs are q-10 & ubinquinol, royal jelly, L-arginine, vit d. Ubiquinol is the super efficient form of q-10. I was taking 600mg a day, plus 600mg q-10, this one wasn’t too bad in terms of price, I searched for ages til I found one under Β£40. xx
    http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B004BN2QAY/ref=cm_sw_r_udp_awd_BDbvtb09NN7WC

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      AMAZING!!!! PSP you are the only person who has responded to my questions re dosage. I took 600mg coq10 last time, but I couldn’t work out if it was worth it. Thanks for the help… I’m back on the supplement train now. I just hope it helps :/ xxx

      Reply
      1. Lisette

        Yeah hun go for broke. 1200mg q-10 / ubiq was advised to me and I think it’s one of those ones that’s well worth it. Crossing everything girl! xx

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