Rage

I am angry.

Probably not the time to blog.

Eh? What was that? You say this is the perfect time to blog?

OH, OKAY THEN!

Quick reminder of my what we call in the biz, “WTF” appointment. I sent a list of 7 elements of my cycle that concerned me, the final one being my egg collection which was excruciatingly painful. I was rather on the emotional side off the back of a 1 mature egg BFN cycle, bleeding 6 days before OTD and I believe I may have used the words, “barbaric”, “torture” and “traumatising”. I said I was extremely worried about facing another egg collection under the same circumstances. Dr Hero sat down and his first words were, “let’s look at your concerns. I’m going to start with the last one first and work backwards because I want to put your mind at rest straightaway.”

He explained why he thought it was so painful (endometriosis has caused my ovaries to be completely immobile due to scar tissue, and they are stuck too high up). He explained that he thought this also meant that they may struggle in the future to reach all my follicles. He said he thought it wouldn’t be safe for me to have another egg collection that way – sharp implements + wriggling and screaming patient = dangerous. Nobody wants an accidentally pierced organ in place of a nicely drained follicle. The senior doctor had already recommended a general anaesthetic at their audit meeting of my failed cycle and Hero agreed. They would do a general next time so I didn’t need to worry. Reassuring arm pat. Eye contact. No worrying now Betty, all fixed. No pain for me; easier for them to push and pull and reach all the follicles while I lie there like a sack of potatoes. Phew.

Cut back to today. 1 hour late because… why the hell not. No, please don’t explain why, just leave me sweating in the waiting room.

I know I transcribe conversations all the time. Sorry. I’m about to do it again.

NURSE: How are you?
ME: Marvellous ta. I love it here.
NURSE: So we are doing a cetrotide cycle this time.
ME: Yep, I did that last time.
NURSE: No you didn’t.
ME: Yes I did.
NURSE: No you didn’t.
ME: Yes I did.
NURSE: Well it has letrozole this time and you didn’t have that last time.
ME: Yes I did.
NURSE: No you didn’t.
ME: FUCKING HELL*
*in head only
ME: I did. They are tablets you take for the first five days before starting cetrotide.
NURSE: Oh, okay. Well did it change?
ME: Yes, the first long protocol cycle was cancelled.
NURSE: I remember.
ME: Sigh. Okay.
NURSE: So you carry on taking noresthisterone until 11th May.
ME: I’m not taking noresthisterone. I’m on the pill.
NURSE: Oh, are you? Okay, well that’s fine. Take that then.
ME: Sigh.
NURSE: Tells me when to take everything
ME: Practices looking fake interested whilst internally raging at the blatant lack of note reading AGAIN.
MR B: So Betty is having a general anaesthetic this time. How does that get arranged? Does it get booked in now?
NURSE: No she’s not.
ME: Sigh. Yes I am. It was recommended at my audit cycle as a result of my last egg collection being extremely painful. I also couldn’t keep still so my doctor said it was dangerous for me.
NURSE: Well to be honest, they are very difficult to arrange. Sometime these consultants, they just say something but they never tell us. Looks at my notes. Well it says here the eggs were easy to reach. It says easy. Easy! LOOK! Hmm. Weird that it says easy.
ME: It was excruciatingly painful. I have no idea how easy they were to access, but the pain was horrific.
NURSE: Well, it says you had a cyst. It was probably just them draining the cyst.
ME: Could have gone mental here, but kept my pie hole shut. It was agony all the way through. Hero even suggested the 2-eggs-out-of-5-follicles debacle was down to them rushing because of my extreme pain/flinching.
NURSE: If you really want a general anaesthetic you will need to keep reminding us at every appointment or we will forget.
MR B: It’s not our request, it’s what the doctor recommended for Betty.
NURSE: Well I’ll mention it to the senior nurse now, but when this happens we sometimes just end up saying you can cancel the cycle at egg collection because we can’t arrange it in time. Those are the only options you have. It’s an NHS a hospital so we need to get you on someone’s list. It’s hard.
ME: Okay.

I have the following things to say.

1. READ. MY. FUCKING. NOTES. Can you not read? Are your eyes broken? How do you expect consultants to communicate treatment plans? Surely writing it in my notes is enough? No? Do you want it tattooed on your forehead? Written in my blood? WHAT?

2. If it’s too difficult to arrange a general anaesthetic for me, that is not my problem. If it is genuinely not something you can do, go and speak to my consultant. Tell him you can’t arrange it. Ask him what to do. Ask him for an alternative treatment plan for me. DO NOT push this logistical problem on to me. It is your job, not mine. If you can’t do something, find a solution. Do not say that the only solution will be me having to choose between cancelling my cycle, or going through what was honestly the most painful, degrading, traumatic experience of my life again – which incidentally, was also dangerous to me and my already mangled reproductive system.

3. Why do I have to remind you every single appointment to remember to implement part of my treatment plan, which you decided on yourselves? I am not reminding you to measure my follicles at my monitoring scans. I am not reminding you to remove my eggs at my egg collection. Why do I have to remind you of this part?

4. Stop implying I am requesting a general. I have never requested it, YOU SUGGESTED IT. Stop making me feel like I am being a nuisance just because I happen to fall out of your normal protocol. Believe me, I do not want to be abnormal at a fertility clinic. That is not a minority I want to be a part of.

I was so angry, frustrated and upset I cried all the way home. Then we had to go via the supermarket and I didn’t realise I had makeup streaked all down my face until I got back in the car. Sigh. Sigh. Double sigh. There is clearly a huge communication problem between the doctors and the nurses, but guys, NOT MY PROBLEM.

I don’t have the energy to fight this. Mr B volunteered to come to all my appointments with me. Wasting his holiday. Just wasting a bit more of our lives. He is calmer than me, and infinitely better at explaining himself. Really annoying if you’re arguing with him, but most handy if he is on your side.

To top off my day, I came home to a letter from my old clinic. Asking for birth details for my miscarried baby. Perfect timing, dickheads. I’ve already sent them a form to say that I had a miscarriage so no idea why they sent me that. It’s currently in pieces on my hallway floor. Guess I’ll have to stick it back together and fill it out tomorrow. Sigh. Sigh. Triple sigh.

You guys. Mr B tried to cheer me up in the waiting room by asking me to pull his finger then making a loud fake trump noise… AND I DIDN’T EVEN LAUGH.

Things are bad 😦

BB xx

P.s. I had an endometrial scratch too. It was scratchy.

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74 thoughts on “Rage

  1. Robin

    😦 I’m mad with you. And sorry. You deserve better! How do they not have competition? How will they ever improve and give people the level of care they deserve? Shameful!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks 😦 there isn’t actually much competition close to where I live. They have fantastic success rates… I don’t get it. I think it’s because I am constantly falling outside of their standard protocols and although the doctors get quite excited about trying new things, the nurses just can’t be arsed to implement them. I will complain if I have to… I just really don’t want to :/

      Reply
  2. SubFertileChick

    Oh FFS! What a shower of shit! Do they not have a patient liaison person you can complain to? You’re paying for this continuos fuck up after all! Let your hubby take over the fight, but they need to be made aware that this is not fucking acceptable. Love you Betty xxxx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I WAS SO MAD. I’ve calmed down a bit now. I’ll complain if I have to… Kind of hoping the Mr can sort them out amicably. I don’t want to piss off the people handling my baby embryos :/ I hate being such a freak. If I was normal it would all be so much easier. Meh. Love you too chick xxx

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks. I was pretty fed up today!! I’m going to outsource dealing with them to my husband from now on. I’ve reached my stress limit!!!

      Reply
  3. mevsinfertility

    My head hurts reading about your experience. What a cluster f&*k! I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I’m glad your husband can go with you to help deal with their ignorance (and unnecessary ignorance at that, since all of the information should be in your chart!) Ugh. Hang in there, lady!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know.. It’s so frustrating. I am hoping my husband can sort it out. All I want is the treatment plan they decided on… That’s it!! Surely that shouldn’t be too hard?!!

      Reply
  4. NotSoNewtoIVF

    Arrrgggg fucking fuck arghggghh. I’m so mad for you. I want to come up there and scream at them STOP FUCKING ABOUT, STOP MAKING IT SO FUCKING DIFFICULT AND DO YOUR JOB.
    Argghhhh.

    Reply
  5. redbluebird

    I’d like to slap that nurse for you! How aggravating. I would definitely bring your husband along for appointments. I’d make mine come! And you’re right about all the points you make. It’s certainly not your responsibility to constantly remind them of things! Ugh, I got so angry reading this, I can imagine how you feel. xo

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Be my guest! Lolz. I think I’m going to try and take a back seat and let him sort it out for me. I feel like I’ve reached my wits end with it now. Such a farce when it is costing so much money 😦 x

      Reply
  6. kiftsgate

    So annoying that you have all this extra stress. You really shouldn’t be the one reminding them of anything! Especially not something so important! I don’t know how you managed to stay so calm…
    Give a hug to M. B for taking over and for offering to come along to future appointments. Its easier for men to stay zen as they are not under hormones..
    Really really hope they will arrange the total anesthesia for you! xx

    Reply
  7. GK

    Aggh I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My constant rant after NHS appointments is “can they not read??? How hard is it to take 2 mins to read my notes before my appointment?!”. It’s as if they want to make everything harder for you! x

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      It was just as irritating when it was NHS, but now I’m private it is reaching a whole new level of ANNOYING!!! I’ve wasted £13k on nothing already. *SCREAM*!!!!!

      Reply
  8. Aislinn

    I’m fuming at my desk reading this. You’re the patient, and while yes, you should be informed about your treatment and your heath, they are the fucking doctors/nurses! You should not have to remind them at every appointment what you are/are not doing. They have notes for a reason, they should read them, and only giving you the options of cancelling or going through that horrible procedure again is not ok. Is there any way you can talk to your doctor and let him know his nurses are fucking useless?

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That is ma plan. Well, technically my plan is to make my husband complain and speak to the doctor. He is going to come with me for the first monitoring appointment and we are going to try to resolve it all amicably. Failing that, we are going to have to complain I think. I hate the idea of complaining when they are dealing with my embryos and thousands of my pounds but I don’t think we have a choice 😦 xxx

      Reply
  9. Lisette

    Oh I am so angry reading this BB. Who are these fucking people and how are they getting away with this shit?!?! Grrrr!!! Sorry BB, this is just not right 😦 xx

    Reply
  10. amh! omg!

    Whereabouts are you? Is your treatment on the NHS? I can wholeheartedly recommend CRM in St John’s wood in London. They were completely brilliant compared to the clinic we changed to for our 3rd cycle. The waiting room had pictures of lady Diana in it a massive TV blaring loudly and resembled a really packed drs surgery. The nurse walked through complaining loudly about her job and they didn’t notice that in actual fact I was already pregnant during a £250 fertility scan (the fibroid in my womb was actually an embryo) and they told me I would never conceive with my own eggs and went on to charge me £650 for more tests to confirm this (which I never even got the results of!) I swear the, quite frankly rude, dr actually sounded pissed off when I rang a few days later to say I wouldn’t be going through with treatment there. Money grabbing b’s! They sound like a bunch of arses you are dealing with. Can’t you change clinics?

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ahh, I used to live in west Hampstead! Unfortunately I’ve moved to an area with no funding so have been paying for treatment. Don’t think I can afford another cycle so not looking at other clinics yet. The weird thing is, this is my second clinic and they are really, really successful!! Their success rates are great. I cannot believe your clinic experience. I really wonder why some of these people choose to work in an IVF clinic when they are so uncaring and useless. I’d definitely be tempted by a good London clinic if I win the lottery any time soon or go for a real last ditch attempt. I’m so sick of this now. I want an end to it all :/ xxx

      Reply
  11. Fertility Doll

    Two words: FORMAL COMPLAINT! They can’t cancel your PAID cycle just because they can’t get their asses into gear. I seriously think we all need to start naming and shaming clinics so they realise we all do talk and it will affect people going to them for treatment. I hope they sort this out – argghhh!!

    Reply
  12. hopefulandhungry

    Things sound really awful at this clinic, is there an alternative clinic you could transfer your care to? I also had issues with doctors reading my chart, but not to this caliber. I really hope they can get their shit together, especially about your retrieval under GA, no one should have to go through unnecessary pain! Take care of yourself. xoxo

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Not really… Not now I’ve already transferred once. Realistically we don’t have more money for more cycles. This clinic has amazing success rates too. I’m not sure there is much better out there! I’m going to make a formal complaint soon if it carries on. I just really don’t want to annoy them anymore when they are dealing with my embryos. It’s so stressful 😦 x

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yeah, it sorta feels like one! Thinking about it this morning, I think we need to intervene and voice our concerns now. I was going to wait and see what they said at my first monitoring scan, but I don’t think they will change their tune. Bleugh.

      Reply
      1. eli

        It seems like a really weird disparity – the caliber of care you’re getting from your Dr. vs. your nurses. I don’t know if/how much you’ve talked to him about your concerns, but I think you’d be doing him a favor by letting him know that there’s a huge gap in the quality of care. A friend who also goes to my clinic had a really bad IUI experience – lot of logistical dropped balls, etc. (ok – wow – I should never say “dropped balls” when talking about infertility…but now I’ve just said it twice.) She wrote an email to her Dr. outlining her frustrations – they actually refunded her cycle fee and changed some things at their office. Hopefully your voice will find some receptive ears. This is the last thing you want to have to do when you’re going through what you’re going through – it sucks that you have to. But yeah, seems like we all have to self-advocate to varying degrees all along the way.

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Yay Eli! How’s it going?

        There sure is a huge disparity. I’m attempting phase 1 of the fight back today. I imagine it will fall on some deaf nurse ears first, but we should then have time to escalate it and sort it out. My fight has completely gone now. I’m sort of on the nurse’s side – what’s the point for someone like me?! All that extra work, extra expense for one or two measly eggs?

        The thought of arguing with them is giving me palpitations. I’m going to have to take my husband to every appointment as a human shield from now on.

  13. Lisa

    YOU. HAVE. GOT. TO. BE. KIDDING. ME. I’m in the U.S., so I don’t know much about how healthcare works where you are, but is there some sort of formal board or body you can complain to? They can’t be bothered to figure out general anesthesia for an extremely painful procedure?! What is this- a battlefield operating room? My doctor told me that he’s only ever had one patient do the egg collection without GA (she chose to do so to save money) and he said it was a “very big mistake.” I’m so glad your husband is able to come with you to future appointments to be your advocate. This whole thing just really makes me enraged for you.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      They do 99% under sedation, which for most people seems to be enough to stop the pain and most even sleep through the whole thing. Makes me annoyed that just because I require a tiny bit more effort I’m being made to feel like a nuisance… There is no way I am going to remind them every appointment. I think I’m just going to escalate it now and complain. Urgh. I hate the idea of pissing off the people who are supposed to be looking after me 😦

      Reply
      1. mumofone

        If you give people enough sedation that they are not awake at all – to use your term “sleep though the whole thing” – then you have basically given them an anaesthetic – at least from the point of view of needing to closely monitor them. Anaesthesia is a continuum so its not as black and white as people make out. If you have to draw any line in the sand you could argue the difference between sedation and anaesthesia is whether a patient is breathing or not….but then because all sedative drugs can stop someone breathing – as soon as you give one you need to be as prepared to manage them as if you were giving them a GA anyway. And even if you give people something so they don’t “remember” or so they “sleep” – what about analgesia?
        We give people a GA for colonoscopies, to set their bones, to look in their bladders and more. Why the fuck should infertile woman have to suffer through a procedure that I believe is even more painful than any of the above examples!!!
        I’m being way too technical – sorry – but gee it pisses me off to think that these people are denying you something that I see as a basic right 😦

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        That’s really interesting, thanks. I’ve had sedation before for EC and remember nothing… But it was a proper anaesthetist giving me the sedation in theatre. I didn’t have a tube down my throat though and was breathing on my own. No pain, can’t remember a thing. This time a nurse just injected something into my hand and I was WIDE AWAKE!! The only thing it made me feel was vaguely dizzy and I think it disabled me enough to stop me from knowing whether what was going on was okay or not.. ?! I cried and screamed and flinched. It’s lucky my legs were stuck in stirrups cos I’d probably have kicked someone in the face the way I was wriggling around. I felt traumatised afterwards and had quite a few nightmares. I’m probably being melodramatic, but I felt violated afterwards. Man, I wish you could come to England and give me a GA instead! x

      3. mumofone

        I can’t reply to your reply to my reply – so I am replying here 🙂

        General Anaesthesia is kind of an annoying term to me – because at one level all it means is to distinguish it from Regional Anaesthesia. The latter is like a regional nerve block or a spinal or epidural where only a part of the body is “anaesthetised” where-as General Anaesthesia generally refers to any level of loss of consciousness.
        Another definition of anaesthesia is when it contains the following components:
        1/. Reversible consciousness (or sleep)
        2/. Amnesia (the patient does not retain a memory of what happened to them)
        3/. Analgesia (not provided by any of the common anaesthetic agents in use – excluding nitrous – which cannot be used as a sole agent anyway unless you are in a Hyperbaric chamber)
        4/. Relaxation of skeletal muscle (the level of this is varying but basically it means you won’t move to push the surgeon away)
        5/. Loss of autonomic reflexes (such as breathing but also loss of regulation of BP and others)
        Of course there are a whole lot of other terms used these days like MAC – monitored anaesthesia care – which the US uses, twilight sedation, etc etc. I dunno – I usually just define it for my patients as they will either be rousable or not. If they have a spinal but I also give them sedation so they just lightly sleep then I warn them that they may wake up and may remember bits and pieces but that they will likely not be distressed or bothered by it. Or I tell them that they will be completely asleep and will not wake up or remember anything.
        But I can give you an anaesthetic and not put a tube down your throat. I can give you drugs so that you don’t breathe but I can breathe for you simply by using my hands and a bag and a mask. Of course my life is much easier and my hands more free and your airway more protected if I use a tube! But I don’t have to use an airway device and I would still say I had given you an anaesthetic.
        But my final best definition of an anaesthetic is when it is given by a qualified anaesthetist. Any drugs given by anyone else is dubious practice in my opinion and in the eyes of the Colleges that are responsible for Anaesthesia (RCOA, ANZCA, ASA etc). And this is why you are having a problem because the “anaesthetic” you are getting is simply someone giving you a bit of Midazolam. (The most commonly used sedative drug used by non-Anaesthetists). Midazolam is known as a sedative because it usually causes sleep and amnesia but not muscle relaxation, loss of autonomic reflexes or analgesia. In addition it has anxiolytic properties (which other anaesthetic agents don’t) But it CAN cause people not to breathe if given in sufficient quantities – hence it should always be used with caution. And its other problem is that the amount needed is variable – yet most proceduralists who use it never use more than a standard amount – and never more than 5mg. But I can give 5mg (in divided doses) to a healthy, fit but very anxious infertile Betty and it will do nothing much except give you the symptoms you described. I can give 5mg to an elderly person or a child and they will stop breathing and die. But I can also give 5mg to a different healthy, fit and anxious person and they will stop breathing too. Because the dosage depends on a number of factors and becomes part of the “art” rather than the “science” of anaesthesia. In a “churn them in and out clinic” though – Betty will be given a standard dose of Midazolam and that’s it. If she then does not have the desired response then that is too bad for Betty (sound familiar!!)
        And as for feeling traumatised and having nightmares. You are describing exactly the responses that people have if they are “awake” or “aware” under GA. Awareness under general anaesthesia – for the record – is very rare. But patients who experience it will use much the same words as you. And to prevent their experience deteriorating into PTSD (which can happen) it is recommended that the Anaesthetist spend time with them talking through what happened, explaining why it happened and often the patient seeking further counselling. While it can happen as a result of negligence it can also happen due to differing physiology/genetics. In either case I completely validate the feelings you experienced and I do NOT think you are being melodramatic.
        As for me giving you a GA – I’d be delighted. I’d start with a little bit of Midazolam – to see if it did have an anxiolytic effect on you or not (because in a small percentage of people it actually revs them up ALSO if you are a big drinker then patients often need twice as much to achieve the same effect). I’d then drift you off to sleep with some Propofol – and quite probably maintain you on that drug alone for the procedure. Because I am skilled at my job I would use a dose that is just right so you can breathe for yourself but still be anaesthetised. However, if you did stop breathing I would have many skills at my disposal to assist you with regard to that rather important function. (Skills that proceduralists often don’t have and this is why there is a move all round the world to not allow non-anaesthetists to use drugs like this – the absolute worst example I can give you of someone using drugs without training is the one in which a popular and talented singer died when a Cardiologist gave him these drugs – I assume you can work out who I’m talking about) I’d probably also add in an anti-nausea drug because poking around in women’s bits is notorious for causing post-op N&V. And I’d top it off with some IV Paracetamol and some IV Fentanyl for analgesia (plus any other things in my repertoire based on the more detailed history of you I would obtain before we started). And of course it would all come wrapped in the warm and kind way I would talk to you and reassure you and explain to you what was happening and remind you that my sole responsibility is to care for you while you undergo your procedure. That I am also your advocate to the surgeon while you sleep. And I would give you the opportunity to ask questions and I would document my care of you. And I would visit you in the post-acute care ward (Recovery) to make sure you are pain free and stable.
        Sadly however, my GA will remain an internet one unless you’d like to come to Australia!!
        I do hope that the above has been helpful to you 🙂

      4. barrenbetty Post author

        Oh my goodness!! Thank you so much! That is so so so helpful. Thank you for taking the time to give me so much advice, I really appreciate it. It’s all just so foreign to me, I don’t have a clue how it all works. I am going to be able to whoop some ass with my knowledge now! No fobbing me off. I hate being a nuisance and I felt so bad telling them that I felt traumatised after the egg collection… Even though it was true, I hate any kind of confrontation 😦 You’ve given me a bit of extra strength to try and sort this out up front. My husband has been off work for a week and we’ve decided to send them an email and he is going to speak to them on the phone. I don’t want to leave it until our first face to face appointment… I’ve not been sleeping this week the whole palaver is stressing me out so bad!! Thanks again for the help… You’re amazing xxx

      5. mumofone

        Betty – it is no trouble at all to help you 🙂
        And I am glad you found this useful – I was worried I’d “talked” too much!
        My 2 pet things about anaesthesia are:
        1/. I am ALWAYS the patient’s advocate – because when you are asleep there is only me to look out for you. (Not that the surgeon’s don’t have your best interest at heart but they come from a different perspective IMO)
        2/. I think education of patients is so important – my job should not be a secret! If we told people more often what and why we do things there would probably be less stress in our patients – and that goes for all medical professions.
        Anyway – I wish you all the best. It still horrifies me to imagine you writhing on a theatre table only millimetres away from potential organ perforation. And concerns me a little that those in charge continued in those circumstances to be honest!
        If you want to know more – you have my email address – always happy to answer questions of a general nature 🙂

  14. myhopejar

    Holy Crap hon! Both my retrievals were done under general. I can’t even imagine not doing it that way! You poor thing! That nurse sounds like she’s a lazy bitch. It’s absolutely not your problem that it’s hard for her to schedule! I’m so upset for you! I can’t even imagine how upset you must be. I’m so glad your hubby is able to go with you. Hopefully they won’t push you around as much with the two of you there, and you’ll have his support. As for the other clinic, I’m speechless. How horribly unprofessional. I’m so so sorry hon. I really hope the next appointment goes better. Hugs XOXO

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Exactly! It’s not my problem! I couldn’t sleep last night I got so upset and annoyed that they are involving me in it all. I feel like I’m in the middle of a battle of wills between the nurses and the doctors.

      I was really upset to get that stupid letter. Everything seemed like it was out to get me yesterday!! x

      Reply
      1. myhopejar

        I hope today was better hon. I’m glad your husband is going to deal with this for you. This is just all too much. I can’t understand how the nurses can even dictate the protocol. It’s just crazy to me. Hugs ❤

  15. Julia

    New here.

    I know I should read more before saying this, but I’m just going to be blunt. This clinic sounds like complete sh*t. Yowzers. Can you find another? Or at least another nurse?

    I’ll be following.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hi Julia! Welcome. They do have really good success rates and a great reputation…. I think my problem is that I’m falling outside of their standard processes and although the doctors get quite excited about trying new things, the nurses just don’t want to/don’t know how. It’s like I am in the middle of a battle of wills between them both. I’ve already changed clinics once and realistically, it’s all getting too expensive now so I’m pretty much at the end of the road. I’m thinking more rationally this morning and have decided I need to speak up and say something now rather than wait and see if they behave. I’m wasting my life savings on this farce after all.

      I’ve just had a look at your blog. Jesus man. You’ve really been through it, I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been though. Your frozen embryos look to be great grades – I really hope your baby is in there. I’ll be following you too – good luck with everything x

      Reply
      1. Julia

        It’s hard for me too speak up sometimes. I feel like you have to keep your nurses close and happy, but yours souunds like she also needs a little more persuasion to be more attentive to your needs.

        I don’t hear of many people having their egg retrievals without anesthesia. That sounds horrible.

        Love your sense of humour, btw. It’s fan-freaking-tastic.

  16. Clare

    I can’t stand people that raise a bunch of roadblocks everytime they have to do something out of their norm!! So lazy brained! Stop giving all these reasons why it’s too difficult and sort it out! I would have told her off – that just winds me up so much.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s so it… They put up roadblocks the minute they have to deviate from the norm. Get all the excuses in quickly so they don’t have to do it. I was quite taken aback after my appointment with the doctor. This particular nurse also gets quite defensive if I argue and I didn’t have the energy. Meh. I’m going to have to sort it out soon.

      Reply
  17. mumofone

    I would be really angry too! Specifically as a previous IVF-er I am astonished they would let you have an egg collection without a GA. In Australia – EVERYONE gets a GA for egg collection – its standard protocol. Secondly, in my job as an Anaesthetist I can’t believe they are exposing you to such a risk! The risks of bowel (or other organ) perforation are real even if you have a compliant patient. Also I don’t believe anyone should have a painful procedure EVER!!! I do hope you stand your ground on this one. I’m so sorry this is happening to you 😦

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh cool, you’re an anesthetist! I’m glad you don’t think I’m being melodramatic. My ovaries are actually attached to my bowel and urethers too so it does worry me that in my case, everything really is very close together. The nurse really played down how much pain I was in (despite not being there), which infuriated me, but my doctor knows. It just makes me so mad that they are acting like I’m kicking up a fuss and requesting something out of the norm when I’m not… It’s what they’ve decided to do!!! It just seems insane. I’m going to have to sort it out sooner rather than later because it’s really stressing me out now :/ x

      Reply
      1. mumofone

        I do hope you get a resolution soon. It sucks how little this clinic seems to care for you. I get that these people do this job day in/day out and it becomes routine to them. But I think if health professionals ever forget that it is NEVER routine for their patients then they should stop working or take time out til they can regain a sense of perspective.

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Yeah, the nurses in particular definitely a) forget it’s not routine for me and b) forget I am spending my life’s savings on this farce :/

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I think I was too shocked!! For some reason I presumed that after they completed an audit of my failed cycle with a doctor, embryologist and nurse and made changes for my next cycle that those changes would just happen. Silly me.

      Reply
  18. Single motherhood by choice

    We should ALL go to your appointments with you! We could stare at the nurse silent and dead-eyed until she gets something wrong or challenges you and then all “tsk” simultaneously to freak her out. I also lived in West Hampstead in my London days, NW6 chick.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ha, that’s a great idea. I might just pretend you are all there next time to give me strength to speak up! Ah, I loved West Hamp. We moved to Richmond then Teddington after that… Just progressively got further and further out until we left altogether. Kinda miss it now but I think I like the countryside more! x

      Reply
  19. oliverschmoliver

    Oh.My.God. No words. You handled it way better than I would have. Security probably would have been involved. I’d write GENERAL on a gigantic green sticker and slap it on the outside of your chart next time you go in and she’s holding it and say, “Just so you don’t forget!”..

    Reply
  20. Jenn

    OH MY GOD WHY. I know you like your RE, but this nurse is fucking terrible. Like seriously awful. How is she still employed. Where did she go to school. “Well you have to remind us during every appointment or we’ll forget.” Umm okay. Why don’t you and Mr. B also put on some scrubs and help her file your paperwork too, since clearly she doesn’t know how to do shit.

    I’m a bit angry for you, clearly. This makes me want to punch her mouth. I don’t know how you didn’t scream at her, seriously. I am generally a polite person, but I would snap. And a fertility office that was already told of your miscarriage and now asking about birthing details. WHY WHY WHY do you have the worst luck in the world?! Do you think you were an evil dictator in your last life and are now being punished for it?

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      You make me laugh even when you are punching people for me. High five! I haven’t slept this week panicking about the whole cycle and how they will screw me over and when, so we are going to email them today. Urgh. I hate confrontation. I think if we wait until my next appointment in the clinic and they are still being as unhelpful I will snap and I’ll cry and create and it will make the whole thing worse. Oh man.

      Yeah, my luck is turd balls. That stupid letter was on the floor in pieces in the hallway for days and I think my husband has cleared it up cos it’s magically disappeared?

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks 😦 I hope we can sort it out amicably… I only want them to carry out the treatment plan they devised themselves!!! Surely it’s not that hard?!

      Reply
  21. So, you're saying there's a chance?

    I am still baffled how and why they are giving you a hard time with general anesthesia. I can’t even imagine the anxiety that goes along with being away, never mind how painful it was for you. Both times I had the retrieval, there was an anesthesiologist and I was completely out! I can’t believe you didn’t snap! I’m sorry you have to deal with such incompetent people 😦

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks lovely. I have been pretty stressed out the last week… Think we are going to have to say something upfront before my next appointment for my own sanity! Argh!!

      Reply
  22. buckrugerlayla

    I am really appalled. One of my first concerns as a doctor is the comfort of my patients. And I absolutely put them under anesthesia anytime I am concerned about that comfort or their safety. I would expect that the human medical field would collectively feel the same way. So this is some horseshit. I understand it takes some planning, welcome to real life, dear nurse. Also that letter…is that necessary? Why can they not just review any pathology reports or your records? I am sorry, lady. I really hope today was better.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks. I’ve been a bit of a mess worrying myself about it all this week! I only want them to carry out the treatment plan they decided on themselves… I’m not asking for any extras! Hopefully we can sort it out before stims start otherwise I might get tipped over the edge this cycle!

      Yeah, you have to let the HFEA know the outcome of your cycle – failed/positive and miscarriage/live birth/still birth. I already filled out a form to tell them I had a miscarriage though. Obviously never got filed properly. Just the worst possible timing to receive a letter asking for birth details. Man. I hope my luck changes soon :/ xx

      Reply
  23. gradualchanges

    Oh my… I would have LOST MY MIND so congrats for keeping it together. I’m so sorry that this is what you’re dealing with… totally unacceptable. This process is hard enough without dealing with idiots and red tape along the way. Hopefully Mr. B can help you deal and can help whip those providers into shape.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Haha. I am totally on the edge of losing it!! I am caught between being terrified of being impolite or rude and being completely FURIOUS at them. I am hoping my husband can just mediate and sort it out… He is significantly less mental than I am!! x

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yep! I have no idea what they gave me but I was WIDE awake!!! It was awful! So, so painful. I had a general anaesthetic the next time which was a massive relief. I never want to have a wide awake egg collection ever again!

      Reply
      1. operationmiracle

        Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry, Betty! That is just terrible. I’m a redhead and we need more anesthesia than other people. For both my egg retrievals they did some kind of conscious sedation stuff, but they didn’t use enough the first time and I woke up 3 times. Twice I woke up because of the pain, which was incredible. Sorry for all your troubles 😦 this infertility road really stinks.

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