Thank you Team Betty for all the advice/rage/common sense you sent my way after my last post. I absorbed all your power, channelled it ninja style through Mr B and he spoke to the clinic. I also wrote them a 10 page email, but Mr B intercepted it and changed it to a one liner, “please call me to discuss Betty.” Lame guys, lame. I wrote loadsa good stuff. Anyway, they have assured us that the general anaesthetic is not a “maybe” but a certainly-definitely-going-to-happen. Excuse me if I don’t believe that for shit, but at least it is a step in the right direction.
I can barely walk today because my thighs hurt so much. In particular my left thigh, which is currently so sore my walk has been reduced to an old lady hobble. I bent down this morning to pick up Mr B’s dirty pants from the floor and SCREAMED in pain. It hurts like I have run a marathon (guessing, obviously) except I haven’t… I have just done my first stims injections (badly, obviously). Yippee, back on the lame horse mule again! You’d have thought that after giving myself hundreds of injections already I’d be able to do it properly now, but no.
I am trying to focus on the positives this cycle. I am trying not to remember the cancelled cycles, or tell myself I got 2 eggs, then 1 egg… It can’t get any worse can it? I don’t want a no egg cycle to add to my collection. When I last cycled the weather was miserable and I was miserable. I had the plague, or according to the doctor, a “chest infection”. Lies. I felt so sick during stims I struggled to eat anything and as a result failed with the good protein diet I had devised for myself. I felt defeated from the start and being so poorly the whole thing just kind of passed me by while I slept. I’m hoping the sickness was a result of the “chest infection” (plague) and not the high dose of stims because I’m on the maximum dose again this time. But this time I am not going to get sick. This time I am going to be a protein machine. This time I would like most of my follicles to contain EGGS please ovaries, and not be 75% empty.
I’m writing drivel, I know. Sorry. Basically, I’m pretending this time is different. And it’s sunny outside.
My friends on the whole have been either amazing with me and my IVF and IF woes, or absolutely shite. It’s surprised me just how useless and thoughtless some of my best friends could be. Anyways, their loss. Lolz. I have however found a whole bunch of amazing new friends through my blog and twitter. They have made this cycle better already – I’ve had lucky Pregnacare Conception donated to me from the almost-ready-to-pop-pregnant @duffeddream, some super dooper supplements from my nutritionalist expert Fertility Doll and possibly the biggest book I have ever seen in my life (in my fave post apocalyptic genre) to keep me going through all the waiting and stressing from my lovely pal @soopsIVF. And so many texts, emails and tweets of good luck. Seriously guys, how can this fail?
My first monitoring appointment will be on Friday, day 6 of stims; the earliest I’ve ever had a monitoring appointment. These have always been dreadful in the past. I am a dreadful, disappointing, inexplicably bad responder. Someone give me a medal.
I am officially not thinking about the looming scan, starting from now. I am thinking about all the good stuff I’m feeding my body, all the good wishes I’ve had from y’all, the extra supplements I’m taking, fresh air, sunshine, good books and happy thoughts. This time is going to be different, it’s going to be better. Or at least I can pretend it’s going to be for another 4 days until everything goes tits up again.
P.s. We haven’t played the who-do-you-fancy game in a while. Who is your current fancy? I have been so sad… I DON’T HAVE ONE. I’ve been watching Sons of Anarchy so I guess Jax, but meh. His beard is weird.
P.p.s. Did you drink milk during stims? How much did you have?