That was a very long couple of days

Oh hell yes it is… a very almost perfect 4 cell, 2 day embryo with no fragmentation. Thank. Goodness.

Yes, just one 2 day embryo from 14 follicles is a disaster by any standards, but let’s face it… all my cycles have been terrible. I’ve been lucky to get to have a transfer at all every time. I’m going to count my lucky chickens that this one made it.

It turned out that they think although all three eggs looked mature, two of the three probably weren’t quite matured properly and it led them to fertilise abnormally. The message was the same as it always is – bad luck, your eggs look fine, shame we couldn’t get more of them.

4 mature eggs from three fresh rounds of IVF is truly terrible though isn’t it? My AMH is 9.66, I’m 31 and my FSH varies from 5 to 7. There is clearly something wrong with me. It can’t just be bad luck that this happens over and over again.

Anyway, I have spent the most part of the last few days in bed, crying and I am exhausted. Excuse me while I go sleep for a week.

BB xx

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65 thoughts on “That was a very long couple of days

  1. Isabelle

    I also wonder about your clinic if they have the best lab. Some labs can help mature the eggs better. I agree with you that with your FSH and AMH and your age, this shouldn’t be the outcome of three rounds of IVF. If I remember correctly, you have been with the same clinic, right? I don’t know how it works in the UK but maybe it’s time to switch or to get a second opinion for your situation? BTW, I am SOOO thrilled for your perfect day 2 4-cell embryo! I would LOVE one myself. πŸ™‚ Grow embie grow for your mama!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      No… This is the second opinion clinic!! They have really good success rates :/ Who knows. There is clearly something going very wrong with my ovaries!! Both clinics seemed bemused by the crap outcome each time!! I don’t think I can afford to change clinics and start all over again now. Just need to cross my fingers…

      Yes, I’m v happy it’s a good embryo at least, even if it is just one! It’s the best grade we have ever had. 1:1 is the worst and 4:4 is the best and they graded it at 3:4 so it’s a fighter πŸ™‚ x

      Reply
      1. Isabelle

        Ahh okay. Sorry missed that part. I hope that Dr. Hero can come up with something great for you. But I hope you don’t need it anymore as this cycle may be it. I hope that this little 3:4 fighter is going to be the answer for all of your previous heartaches. Come on grow!!!!

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Me too… I’m not really sure I want to do this again. I kind of feel that I’ve pretty much reached the end of what I can cope with – mentally as well as financially! xx

  2. redbluebird

    That’s a pretty little embryo πŸ™‚
    It really sucks that you haven’t had better luck with IVF so far. It would be such a good story for your little baby though, if you’re able to tell him/her what a little survivor he/she was from the get-go. I hope this little 4-cell creature is the one. Hoping hard for you!!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I know, feels like such a huge waste of money when most people get at least 5+ eggs each go, nevermind frozen embryos! Oh well, is what it is. I thought the embryo looked good. It’s made a good start at least!

      Reply
  3. dreamsandrainbows820

    I’m not too on the up-and-up of the specifics of IVF and embryo quality and all, but I read your replies to others and that they graded it pretty well, so I’m taking that as a good thing? πŸ™‚

    I’m still sorry you were only able to get the one. Fingers crossed this one makes all the difference for you. Go rest and (try to) relax! ❀

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yes! It’s the best graded one we’ve had from the lot so that’s a good thing at least. Still such a lot of money for so very little. I’m not sure what the chances are it will work and I couldn’t bring myself to ask! Just going to bury my head in the sand for a few days now x

      Reply
      1. dreamsandrainbows820

        Aww, yeah I can understand that. Sheesh, I was pissed for wasting $$ on Clomid for a cancelled cycle! That pales in comparison with what you’ve been through and makes me feel embarrassed haha. ❀ Well I'll be thinking and hoping for you, hun. πŸ™‚ ❀

  4. A Calm Persistence

    I’m so sorry that you don’t have any answers for your ovaries too. I was wondering about your clinic, but I read the last comments. Right now though, you are PUPO with one beautiful embryo. Sending lots of love and hope.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I appear to just be a freak of nature… Who knows!! At least I made it to the transfer. I keep feeling sad because they would have transferred two today if I had more, but I know there’s no point focussing on that now. I’m happy the quality is so good at least xxx

      Reply
      1. A Calm Persistence

        I agree.. I have to tell you, I’ve been thinking about you ALL day.. this is going to be a long wait for me too. I just feel like you deserve this so much… and you really do.

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Aww, thanks lovely. I’m so sick and tired of it all. I’m trying not to be too negative, but it’s getting pretty hard 😦 I’m a committed early POAS-er so we won’t have to wait that long, hehe xxx

  5. Jenn

    I don’t know what a “pretty” embryo looks like, but everyone else seems to know what they’re talking about, so I will just play follow the leader. I’m glad you got to transfer at the very least! I can feel “this is the last time” vibes coming from you. Not really interested in doing this again, huh? Hahahaha I almost just said “It only takes one” and nearly punched myself in the face. I will listen to your ranting and bitching regardless of the outcome. NOW GO TO SLEEP.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I certainly slept a bit better last night! I think this is going to be the end whatever the outcome. What’s the point in doing it again and again for one egg and maybe one embryo? It’s just not going to work. Plus, I’m not exactly a millionaire :/

      Reply
  6. myhopejar

    Oh hon, I’m so sorry this has been such a shit show. Your one embryo looks great though. What a fighter! Praying so hard this one is the one! Will you transfer tomorrow?

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Shit show is the word!! Can’t believe my cycles have all been so terrible. I just can’t see it ever working, can’t conceive naturally, and don’t have the money to keep doing rounds of futile IVF! The transfer has happened so that little embie is on board now πŸ™‚ xxx

      Reply
      1. myhopejar

        Everything is crossed for you hon. I’m thinking very sticky thoughts for you. Please, please little embie, snuggle in there good and strong! Hugs hon.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yes! All transferred and on board! I really wish there had been two to transfer with it being so early on, but nevermind. At least this one looks good so far x

      Reply
  7. Lauren

    It must be so unbelievably frustrating (and then some!) to have such good fertility numbers and yield so few eggs. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have no explanation, no obvious solution. I have high hopes for this embie, though. Will you do a day 3 or day 5 transfer? Come on embie, divide and conquer your mama’s uterus!!!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      It was a 2 day transfer! No point leaving it when there is just one. It’ll either work, or it won’t. Probably won’t given my track record, but you never know!! xxx

      Reply
  8. Smile

    Hell yes indeed. Universe – I command you to have this all work out amazingly for Ms BB. She has suffered far long enough and IT.IS.TIME that she makes it out of this hellhole. And to that little embryo – you are one amazingly beautiful little 4-cell, it is time for you to stick around and grow for the next 10 months! Will be thinking of you and sending all my thoughts and love (and continued threats to the universe) your way!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I hope the universe is listening… I am getting awfully tired of all of this (never mind poor!!) I was excited to get a picture, I’ve never had a picture of any of them before πŸ™‚

      Reply
  9. buckrugerlayla

    That is one gorgeous, lovely embryo, BB! I am so bloody sorry this is all happening to you. I wish that there was just something, anything that the clinic could come up with.
    But, right now, I am pulling for that embie! Keep on dividing, little one, for Mama and Papa!!!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Tell me about it… My diagnosis appears to be, “err, that’s unlucky and weird” GREAT!!!
      I was pleased the embryo looked so good at least. At least it’s a chance! xxx

      Reply
  10. Over it

    IVF fucking sux. I agree. It can’t be bad luck. I think there is something wrong with me too.

    At least I worked out how to change my name and gravetar. Yay for small wins.

    Nice emby you got there

    Xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hey you. I was thinking about you this week… I hope you are doing okay. It really does suck, I just can’t believe how much shit some of the people I’ve been following have been through in the space of a year.

      In other cycles I really wanted to wrap myself up in cotton wool but I just don’t believe it’ll help. Really want to carry on with my life this time and keep swimming (which I’ve been doing a lot of this year). I remembered your doc said you could carry on surfing? I wouldn’t fancy surfing in north east England, but swimming indoors should be alright!! xxx

      Reply
  11. mumofone

    Oh dear I’m a bit late to this thread…but anyway:
    I do hope that the combination of a General Anaesthetic and this beautiful looking embryo (how did you get such good pictures? Mine always looked like blobs!) is a winning one!!
    Love your friendly Aussie Anaesthetist πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I thought of you while I was waiting outside theatre! My anaesthetist was okay, but I’m sure no way near as good as you πŸ˜‰ good job it was a GA in the end given how long it took and how difficult it was. I felt vindicated! The consultant said he was very glad I was properly out (me too!!). I’ve got horrendous cramps which aren’t making me feel very happy, but will see what next week brings… xxx

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hello! Nice to meet you Weylin. I am very sorry indeed to hear you are in the same position as me. Not exactly a club I would recommend anybody else joins!!! I hate being a lousy responder. It seems like everyone else at least gets a few eggs each time, not just 1 or 2. I’m in the UK, although almost all of my friends have now emigrated to Australia and New Zealand so it must be a pretty awesome place to live!

      I’m really sorry to hear your last FET was a bust. I am feeling exactly the same about more treatments… Just feel like it’s been too long and too hard already. I don’t feel like I have much left (mentally or money wise!!) to keep going. I’m going to read your blog properly today πŸ™‚ x

      Reply
  12. The infernal infertile

    Check you out! That’s a gorgeous little embie you have there. Better looking than any I’ve ever managed to get… I have absolutely everything crossed that the little bugger is settling in nicely for a good long stay.

    I want this so badly for you xxx

    Reply

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