Thank you for all the encouragement and well wishes ladies, but as I suspected a few days ago, this cycle is another bust.
I’m not sure where I go from here. I am too tired, too worn down, too defeated and too sad to think about it. The thought of starting a sixth… WTF?!!! A sixth cycle seems insane. Yes, to be fair, I’ve only actually finished 3 so maybe it will *only* (lol) turn out to be IVF number 4, but still, I’ve started 6. And those cancelled cycles were expensive, long and awful despite never going so far to yield eggs or embryos.
I just noticed I wrote half of those numbers as words and half as numbers. Sorry. Too defeated to edit.
I am aware that given the state of my insides and my lack of eggs time isn’t exactly something I can waste. Having said that, I am genuinely not sure I have the mental strength to do another cycle.
My main question for my WTF is… WTF. WTF is wrong with my ovaries that 14 follicles became 3 eggs. WTF is wrong with my eggs, because every single person I ask tells me they are GREAT YOU ARE ONLY 29/30/31, yet my last fertilisation rate was truly terrible. My embryos are either okay or good quality, but they don’t stick. And the one time it did it ended in a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks and the heartbeat stopped at 9. Really, seriously, WTF. Is it worth carrying on? I’m not so sure.
I don’t know what the point is anymore. What’s the point in trying again when it just fails? It’s so expensive. I stayed in my last job for years because I liked the people, but the work was easy and in no way challenging. I stayed so I could go back part time when I had babies. Haha. I’m only working part time and from home now because we moved and I didn’t think starting a new job and IVF exactly went hand in hand.
Now I’m starting to realise I won’t ever be a mother, and I don’t have a career to speak of either. What’s my life going to be like? It’s looking pretty awful from where I’m sat now.
I’m really tired of this all.
Someone bring me a drink.