Birdy and the crow

Do you want to know what’s annoying me?

Okay, who am I trying to kid. Of course you do. You guys.

I’ve upped my protein intake during stims (again, because it worked so well the last few times didn’t it). I’m trying not to eat any much sugar or any many carbs, so I’m snacking on nuts if I feel nibbly. I’ve been snacking on brazil nuts every now and again, and every single time I eat one, I sing “bra-ziiiiiiiiiil.”

If you don’t know why that’s annoying, you probably don’t watch football. If you do, I’m sorry, because it probably just annoyed you too.

Bra-ziiiiiiillll.

I CAN’T STOP.

Other news:

1. Coconut water still tastes of dribble. Thanks Turtle.

2. I’ve just finished Fall of Giants and Winter of the World by Ken Follett*. Brillo. If you like William Boyd books, I’d say you’d like them. I also absolutely LOVED Pillars of the Earth and World Without End. I’m about to start Restless by William Boyd now, for your information.

3. I think I am physically incapable of drinking 2 litres of water a day. This is interesting because I’m pretty sure I could knock back 2 litres of wine.

4. My clinic have an, ahem, interesting music collection that they pipe into the waiting room. A current favourite seems to be Skinny Love by Birdy which has been playing every time I’ve been there recently. Last time my mum came with me she whispered (shouted), “Good grief, as if this isn’t depressing enough.” Aye mum, you ain’t wrong there. If I had an IVF clinic, I’d play pan pipes. Can’t go wrong with pan pipes.

5. I’ve had the Ted Hughes poem “Crow Blacker Than Ever” going round and round my head. How, when and why I committed this poem to memory I can’t tell you, but I can tell you it’s stuck there and it won’t go away.

6. My first monitoring appointment is Friday and I am bricking it.

I’m trying to just focus on one day at a time, but it’s not exactly very easy given that I’ve been failing at this for 4 years now and I’m coming to the end of treatment. I think I need distractions. Can anyone set me a challenge?

BB xx

*I am not offended by children being born in books, especially ones set in the past (these books are set in both world wars) or in the future, however if you have an aversion to this then I suggest you do not read them.

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53 thoughts on “Birdy and the crow

  1. Arwen

    Great, thanks for the throwback to the long since disappeared fucking summer of hope, BRAZIIIIIIL BRAZIIIIIIL.
    😉
    I LOVE KEN FOLLETT. Fact. You know the third one, Edge of Eternity, is out soon (or maybe now?! I should check).

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Braziiiiil *smashes head against wall*

      I know!!! It’s not out until next year though. Boo. I saved them for ages to take on holiday but forgot how long his books are so took me forever to finish them, haha.

      Reply
      1. barrenbetty Post author

        Buy it too! Or re-read the others first to get you in the mood! Eep, I think I’m going to save it for my 2WW (if I have one… argh) as a treat 🙂

  2. Isabelle

    I feel so ignorant and uneducated as I would have to google most of the books and things that you mention about (ahh I didn’t though.. I am lazy too). Your world is so much richer than my boring world. I am thinking all the good thoughts I have for you for Friday!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I doubt that very much Isabelle!! Thanks for the good thoughts… I’m so nervous. Mind you, I had 14 follicles last time and 1 mature egg so I’m not sure the scan will really ease my mind anyway! I was so happy to read about your egg collection and fert report, yippee xxx

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you 🙂 I’m so nervous after all of these crap cycles :/

      Coconut water is vom isn’t it? I have to down it holding my nose then drink something else after to get rid of the taste!

      Reply
      1. Molly

        I am not a picky person at all, but I absolutely cannot fathom how coconut water has become such a thing. People actually drink it because they enjoy it and not just because they’re trapped on a desert island with no fresh water? Insanity.

  3. Robin

    Have a great monitoring appointment, BB.

    Challenges:
    Drinking that 2 liters of water?
    Thinking up whether we’re going to do another Halloween carve contest this year?
    Figure out something to declare when eating a cashew?

    Reply
  4. kiftsgate

    You know what else is shit besides coconut water? Almond milk. I mean, I spent half of my childhood in a place where they make the best almond milk in the world (haven’t tried them all but I am sure of this!). I was basically addicted to it and I was told it was very good for the health so I bought some at a healthy/organic food shop as an alternative to proper milk, which I am actually not allowed to have. It was crap. Of course, unlike the one I used to have when I was little, this one had no sugar.. massive disappointment.
    I have no idea what these books are. I’ll consider them for the future but I cannot read them right now because I am well lost in the world of Outlander. I am in love with a fictional character. But don’t tell my husband, he’s pretty jealous..
    I have no idea if I have the right “Braziiill” song as I don’t see the connection with football, but I I am now also “Braziiiilll-ing” too in my head.. thanks love!
    Challenge, challenge…. dunno… I can’t really think of anything right now. Other than proofreading the report I am writing if you really have nothing better to distract you (I advise – against my own interest – to find something better…).
    Sorry, no idea why I comment with basically writing another post today. I should just write on my own blog..
    xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve never tried almond milk, and after your recommendation… I don’t think I ever will! It can’t be as bad as coconut water though… Coconut water is like drinking someone else’s warm dribble.

      Sounds like I need to add Outlander onto my list 😉 I often fall in love with characters in books and then I’m bereft when I finish them!!!

      Reply
    2. Isabelle

      ooo I can’t do much dairy (becuase of kidney yang deficiency according to TCM doctors) so I make my oat meal with almond milk. I used to drink coconut water but was told that’s too cooling for my body type.

      Reply
  5. wheresmywave

    I have my first ultrasound since starting stims on Friday too! I am also not a coconut water fan. I was given a sample of some himalayan salt crystal stuff at the natural family fair I attended last weekend that I’m hoping will serve the same purpose! I don’t really think I’ll be at risk of overstimulation though! Lots of luck! The only books I’ve got right now are fertility related!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’m glad I’ve found so many fellow coconut water haters. I gave up on fertility books aaaages ago… I certainly hope they are more successful for you! I think I’ve become slightly jaded after all of my cycles 😉

      I’ve just followed your blog. Good luck with your cycle 🙂

      Reply
      1. wheresmywave

        Thank you!! Part of me feels like I still have a lot to learn about IVF (since this is our first one) and part of me feels like reading these books will make me more nervous/anxious. So just because I have them, doesn’t mean I’m really reading them… 🙂

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Hopefully you won’t have to learn anymore! I felt pretty bamboozled by my first cycle, it’s all so confusing. I think the main reason I don’t like the fertility books is they end up making me feel guilty when I eat bad stuff, hehe x

  6. Jenn

    Here’s my obligatory “I’m not going to be positive and optimistic about your cycle because those people are annoying comment” – I will be honest, I have no clue what the Brazil reference is. I don’t watch football (soccer?) or any sport for that matter.

    I think it should be ok to substitute water for wine, since wine is made of fruit, and fruit is good for you. Also, didn’t Jesus make wine? I think that’s a good sign.

    Reply
  7. lisaliteration

    Good luck! Here’s a challenge: develop and hone your psychokinetic skills so you can will your eggs to mature. And if that doesn’t work, at the very least you’d be able to play tricks on the staff at your clinic.

    Challenge the second: do some fall baking with minimal sugar and carbs. Does pumpkin have lots of carbs? Maybe throw some Brazil nuts in there.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Okay, I’m pretty sure I have magical powers already so challenge one will be a piece of piss.

      I am liking challenge two also. Although I’m crap at baking, so with minimal sugar and carbs I think I’m onto a loser from the start!

      Reply
  8. myhopejar

    Just wanted to send you a little strength hon and let you know I am praying constantly that you have different results this time . Even when you’re irritated, you’re hilarious! Love ya ❤

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you so much. I’m dreading this cycle… not sure how much more of this I can take :/ I’m hoping this will be the end of it all for good reasons and not bad! xxx

      Reply
  9. Over it

    Coconut water from a bottle is crap but from a cold fresh young coconut it is a drink and dessert in one. Delish!

    I like that song skinny love. Might need to listen to the lyrics. Didn’t realise it was depressing. Oops

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Well maybe the lyrics aren’t *that* depressing, but geez it’s hardly an uplifting melody is it?! Pan pipes all the way I reckon.

      Oh well, some of us aren’t fancy and don’t just hang at the beach all the time 😉 I am still skeptical. I imagine it’s a bit warm from a fresh coconut in the sunshine? *shudders*

      Reply
  10. The infernal infertile

    Here’s a way to kill two birds with one stone… Every time you sing “Bra-ziiiil!” In your head, take a sip of coconut water. Negative reinforcement should stop the “Bra-ziiiiil!” Popping in to your head… And you’ll work towards your two litres of water!

    You’re welcome!

    P.s. I’ve got everything crossed that no matter what the appt on Friday says, that things go well. What’s your hope for egg numbers? Mine was always four… If I could just get four everything will be fine…

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Haha! Love that idea!!! I haven’t had any coconut water yet today…. Having a glass with dinner. Eugh.

      I would die from happiness with 4 eggs, but so far I’ve only had 2 eggs (both mature), 2 eggs (1 mature) and 3 eggs (1 mature) so I’m not holding out much hope for that! They said my ovaries are so damaged my response will always be lame. Bah. I’m getting jealous now of people who have babies AND people who get to have normal IVF cycles!!! x

      Reply
      1. The infernal infertile

        I know what you mean. I only got three eggs twice (1 fert each time) and once I got five, but the quality was so crap they didn’t even equal one good one.

        Four was always my dream. But time got away from me, my age now means any eggs we can squeeze out will likely be too poor quality to be useful.

        If only I’d known about coconut water…

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