I have really, really bad news.
I lost the piece of paper that I wrote the waiting room tunes down on and I’ve forgotten them all apart from Christina Aguilera – Beautiful, Sarah McLachlan – Angel and Take That – Back for Good.
On a more positive note, my scan results today read like an IVF dream. 12 follicles ranging from 12mm to 23mm, with 6 at 20-23mm, 3 at 17mm and 3 that are 12-15mm. 5 are still too small at 5-10mm. This is my best response to stims ever.
I know that last time I had a lot of follicles and only 1 mature egg. I know that in previous cycles I’ve also only managed 1 or 2 eggs. I know the doctors say that no matter what, I will always get a low number because of all the damage to my ovaries, but regardless, I can’t help but feel vaguely hopeful. At least all those follicles mean chances of eggs.
I will be doing cartwheels if I get 3 or 4 mature eggs that fertilise normally. It seems like such a small ask from 12 follicles and so far away at the same time.
My lining has shrunk from 11.5mm down to 9mm. Weird. My feeling is that 9mm is still fine and they probably just measured it from a different area. My uterus is special and tilted away so it can be pretty hard to measure anything in there anyway. Who knows. I’m too tired to think it through.
So trigger time is 8.15pm tonight with egg collection scheduled for Friday morning. Surely 12 follicles will yield more than a couple of eggs? Surely life can’t be so cruel to make me go through this a fourth time, have my best response ever, only to have my worst outcome ever? Surely? Surely? What have I ever done to life to deserve that?*