Trigger time, baby

I have really, really bad news.

I lost the piece of paper that I wrote the waiting room tunes down on and I’ve forgotten them all apart from Christina Aguilera – Beautiful, Sarah McLachlan – Angel and Take That – Back for Good.

On a more positive note, my scan results today read like an IVF dream. 12 follicles ranging from 12mm to 23mm, with 6 at 20-23mm, 3 at 17mm and 3 that are 12-15mm. 5 are still too small at 5-10mm. This is my best response to stims ever.

I know that last time I had a lot of follicles and only 1 mature egg. I know that in previous cycles I’ve also only managed 1 or 2 eggs. I know the doctors say that no matter what, I will always get a low number because of all the damage to my ovaries, but regardless, I can’t help but feel vaguely hopeful. At least all those follicles mean chances of eggs.

I will be doing cartwheels if I get 3 or 4 mature eggs that fertilise normally. It seems like such a small ask from 12 follicles and so far away at the same time.

My lining has shrunk from 11.5mm down to 9mm. Weird. My feeling is that 9mm is still fine and they probably just measured it from a different area. My uterus is special and tilted away so it can be pretty hard to measure anything in there anyway. Who knows. I’m too tired to think it through.

So trigger time is 8.15pm tonight with egg collection scheduled for Friday morning. Surely 12 follicles will yield more than a couple of eggs? Surely life can’t be so cruel to make me go through this a fourth time, have my best response ever, only to have my worst outcome ever? Surely? Surely? What have I ever done to life to deserve that?*

BB xx

*don’t answer

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64 thoughts on “Trigger time, baby

  1. redbluebird

    Sounds good to me! I’m gonna go ahead and get my hopes up. My RE always said lining over 7 was fine (mine was barely 7, pretty sure).
    Good luck, hope the positives keep coming.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I have too, can’t help it. Don’t suppose I’ll feel any less shit if the outcome is bad whether I expect it to be or not!!! Yeah I think both of my clinics want it over 8mm so I’m sure 9 is fine. Just weird it’s so much thinner than normal… Oh well. Normal didn’t work anyway! xx

      Reply
  2. kiftsgate

    ahhaha not cool to start saying you have bad news. Had I not known already that it wasn’t true I would have been worried! Bad BB!! Back for good!?!? who does the play lists in this clinic?!?!
    Glad all is looking good so far. Go with the trigger lady! and Enjoy your injection free day tomorrow. xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hehe, soz. You already had insider information though πŸ˜‰

      The songs were particularly shite today so I’m sad I lost my list. Can’t wait to do my last jab. I’m basically one big bruise at the moment!!! xxx

      Reply
      1. viv

        after 2 weeks stims I’ve not done 5 weeks of clexane (in tummy) and progesterone in butt. I am so living up to my pin cushion name and really running out of places to stab. Though i cant complain – i really hope my scan later shows a baby and i need to keep all the jabbing for another 5 weeks.

        Top Tip – go swimming as soon as you can in a public pool and seriously freak everyone out with the bruises. You get some great funny looks. lolz.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thanks! Despite everything I can’t help but be hopeful too. Oh, and I accidentally had a croissant and a mozzarella panini today and it’s your fault because I read your blog post when I got up this morning and it made me hungry all day!! Hehe x

      Reply
      1. thebarrenlibrarian

        I love that you say “accidentally”, like “I was just walking past a croissant today and tripped and it FELL INTO MY MOUTH!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

        Ahem.

        But that’s okay, I’ll take the blame.

  3. Molly

    I think you need to give all of us an email address for your clinic so we can make some mass recommendations for proper waiting room music. Clearly, they need help.

    Thinking so many good thoughts of your egg retrieval. May the retrieval part not too far outweigh the egg part!

    Reply
  4. Jenn

    Yay! Sounds like a great start! Fingers crossed for you that this is the cycle that goes right – you sure do deserve it after everything!!! Can’t wait to hear your update! Good luck!

    Reply
  5. Dreaming of Diapers

    Ha! I won’t answer….but I am a bit peeved about the tune list…come on Betty…get it together πŸ˜‰ I’ll be thinking of you tonight and those mature eggs that are growing right now! Btw….would KILL for your lining of 9mm….you are fine…and I am jealous πŸ™‚

    Reply
  6. pregnant in my forties

    Oh Betty I have LOVED reading your posts in the few months since I’ve been in this club – you always cheer me up… and I’m triggering tonight too and ec Friday am. Very different story to you though as only 2 follies at 20 and 18 and then a few more smaller ones but living in hope of course…. wishing you all the best and erally hoping it’s 4th time lucky for you. xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I appreciate it ended bad, but the only time I became pregnant was 2 eggs from 3 big follicles so fingers crossed for you! Last time I had 14 follicles and 1 mature egg so I don’t know what to expect really… My ovaries have a mind of their own (and I suspect they hate me).

      Lots of luck for your trigger and egg collection! I don’t know about you, but I can barely keep my eyes open on stims this time around. I hope I’m still awake to do my jab!! xxx

      Reply
      1. pregnant in my forties

        I feel you! Totes exhaustballs… set my alarm for 10pm so I didn’t fall asleep and miss my 10.15 slot… must be on some sort of 17th wind now as I am somehow STILL awake – but not planning on getting up at all tomorrow to boost the follies. Thanks for your encouragement – so sorry things didn’t work out for you better. If anyone deserves a break this time round it’s you xxx

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Did you have max dose stims too? When I had less of a dose I didn’t feel too bad, but my god the max dose wipes me out. I’m impressed you stayed awake! I did my trigger shot at 8.15pm and went to bed 20 minutes later, haha. I love the idea of staying in bed all day… great plan. Wish I didn’t have to get up and go into town. Going to take it easy today and try not to freak out too much!

      3. pregnant in my forties

        I was on 225 Lord Menopur and 150 Gonal-Freddie (sorry I’ve had to nickname them as my fertility warriors, ha). Not sure if that is max stims? My stay-in-bed-all-day plan failed at exactly 6am when OH’s alarm went off and that was me, of course, wide awake and bursting with life, the very day I wanted to lie in. Ah well, in bed now with my hypnotherapy cd about to hear all about how fertile my womb is #thethingswedotogetknockedup

      4. barrenbetty Post author

        Haha, I like those names! 450IU is the max so you were pretty close. I didn’t venture far from my bed because my stomach hurts so much now. Rather annoyingly due to all my adhesions and scar tissue, it also hurts to sit down now my ovaries are massive so I spent most of the day stood up and intermittently lying on the bed feeling bored. Good luck for tomorrow! xxx

  7. Smile

    My lining ‘shrunk’ during my FET as well – it ended up just being the difference in measurement and the care taken to get that measurement. CCRM told me that anything about 8 with a triple stripe pattern was fabulous, so I think your 9 is just about perfect! I am sending happy thoughts for good eggs from those follicles as well as continuing to threaten your ovaries with payback (I know some people in the UK, so they better pay attention) if they do not cooperate. If my math and timezones are correct it is about 7:40 pm in the evening there, will be thinking about you at trigger time while I am eating my lunch through another bleh meeting!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Interesting! I thought when it’s such small measurements it was likely to be down to the person doing the measuring… I’m kinda pleased really because my lining has been so thick in the past it’s been a problem.

      I hope my ovaries are listening to you. I just did my trigger shot so it’s all in their hands now!!!

      P.s. Hope your meeting wasn’t too bleh x

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you Isabelle! I tried not to get my hopes up, but i failed and now I’m hopeful. I hope I don’t have a big fall in store for me on Friday. I reeeeally want 4 eggs, just 4! Hurry up Friday.

      Reply
  8. viv

    its all going well. there is no reason to think anything will go wrong – you are being textbook so far.

    hope the collection is ok tomorrow and you dont wake up too sore. no fert report till monday is a bitch, but at least the friday collection means ed is there to dote on you all weekend.

    good luck x

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I think there are quite a few reasons since I’ve had mainly empty follicles every cycle and severely damaged ovaries? I’m being hopeful, but I can’t get away from the facts. Maybe I’ll be lucky this cycle and get a few eggs, but that has never happened before. Even all the doctors I’ve spoken to have said I will always get a very low number of eggs and my chances of IVF working are bad. I really hope I can prove them wrong, but my cycles are anything but textbook!

      I’m so sore now I think I’ll feel better once the follicles have been drained… I did last time anyway. It’ll be a long weekend waiting for a fert report. I had 2 eggs last time I had a Friday collection and I was so stressed by Monday, it was horrible!

      Reply
  9. mumofone

    Dear me – we give you Delta and Kylie’s music out of the goodness of our hearts and you can’t score them much higher than One Direction??!! That’s not thanks!!
    Anyway – I have been hoping and hoping things will be good. You just take it easy and we will do all the stressing/hoping/stressing for you πŸ™‚
    Except I am hopeless at working out time zones so I am just going to think happy thoughts for you when it is Friday morning here and the Universe can work it all out!
    Enjoy the GA and I’m thinking of you πŸ™‚

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you my friend! I mean, for the hoping etc on my behalf, not for bloody kylie and delta.

      The only part of tomorrow I’m looking forward to is the GA… at least I’ll be knocked out while it all happens and I can just wake up and find out the results. They write them on my hand but I was too spaced out to read them last time, haha.

      Reply

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