We haven’t talked about Henry Cavill in a while

Exciting acupuncture update of the week… I have been entrusted with my very own moxa stick. I am to warm my belly button with it every other day. I haven’t unwrapped it yet and it looks like a tampon. Behold:

At the end of last week I “booked in” with the midwife (that sounds like checking in at the airport and it took about as long) and today I have had my NT scan…

…and I don’t want to write a pregnancy blog. I know, I know. No headless bump pics, no musings on my symptoms to feast your hungry infertile eyes on. You won’t know if my wedding ring is on or off or how many pounds I’ve gained. I am so sorry. I think this is it in the way of pregnancy updates from me.

Wait. There was one exciting moment during the scan where I was asked to go and “almost” empty my bladder, but not quite. I weed hard for a solid 30 seconds. My bladder was still full. Mysterious.

Okay, now I’m done.

If I carry on blogging I can see where this is going and it ends in lots of posts about ways to catch and deport all the fat bastard rabbits who gorge themselves at my allotment, ways to have people who annoy me in the swimming pool arrested and pictures of signs I like* (and I fear even more rocks/crisps/clouds/trees that look like penises). As much as I love myself, I’m really not sure it’s a blog worthy life.

*This is from the hotel toilet of the mini break I went on before my viability scan. I had a whole blog post planned… then I had heavy bleeding and forgot all about it. Behold the sign in the toilets:

Who doesn’t post hand towels through letter boxes? I didn’t need a sign to tell me that.

The main thing I wanted to write about during our mini break was that I found the place I am going to hide when the world goes to shit and I am the leader of rebels in the post apocalyptic dystopian future. I have a picture of it, but maybe I shouldn’t show you incase you follow me there. Or maybe I should so that you can meet me there and join my army. Ok, I’ll show you, but remember that I am the leader**.

Behold, base camp (there is a cave to the right slightly camouflaged by foliage that will be my headquarters:

**Also, two hot men will fight over me and one will look like Henry Cavill and one will be look like Eric Bana. I will (obviously) be unable to choose between them, partly due to them being hot and partly because I am very busy being the leader of the rebels. I am also deep and mysterious which further adds to the problem and confuses everyone because nobody knows what I am really thinking. I will probably end up (accidently, also probably without realising it myself) making them both fall in love with me. (I also don’t realise how beautiful I am, even though it is dead obvious to everyone else around me.) When I realise what I have done, I will probably question who I am and leave on a long trip of self discovery to find myself and reconnect with my purpose in life. I will probably get captured and Henry and Eric will have to join forces to come and rescue me and maybe one of them will nearly die.

OH GOD STOP ME. THIS IS WHY I NEED TO STOP BLOGGING.

BB xx

P.s. I watched the film “Last Night” last night. Shite. It did however draw my attention to Guillaume Canet who is my new current fancy. At least he was hot in that film, but less so when I googled how to spell Guillaume just now. Anyone else on your radars this week?

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47 thoughts on “We haven’t talked about Henry Cavill in a while

  1. Isabelle

    Oh I hope you don’t stop blogging. No one says you have to do any sort of updates, although I would appreciate a headless bump pic or one with your head. I am very familiar with that moxa stick. I did moxa for my hubs for quite a long time daily. It is good for you. Just try not to burn yourself. All the random things that you write about crack me up. I can never write your kind of posts. You’re too funny. That’s why I am Isabelle and not Barren Betty. Again, don’t stop blogging.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yes, I am a little scared that I’ll burn myself. It feels like something I would do. Once I trapped all my fingers in our front door as we were leaving to go on holiday (I thought they were broken… It was AWFUL), then literally 20 seconds later I did the exact same thing to the other hand. To this day I have no idea how it happened!

      Oh no Isabelle, don’t encourage me! You’ll regret it after you’ve read my 500th post on swimming rage 😉 x

      Reply
  2. kiftsgate

    I have to say I am a bit disappointed in this post. I really wanted to know whether your wedding ring is still on!! Oh well.. Guillaume Canet is quite hot. He may not be super hot but there’s something about him. I approve of this new fancy and I’m astonished it’s the first time we agree on a man! Glad scan went well! xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Lol. To be honest, my ring is a little tight anyway so it’s probably welded on for all of eternity. I can’t believe we have found a common ground man we both medium fancy! High five!! Loads of his films are in French and I wished I spoke French. I don’t fancy him enough to watch films in French that I can’t understand.

      Reply
      1. kiftsgate

        High five! My favourite movies with Mr. Canet are: Jeux d’enfants and Jappeloup. The first is a bit weird, but I still liked it and it’s with his now wife (who’s done e.g. Midnight in Paris – Woody Allen). The second is a sports movie (I like sports movies). I think you could do subtitles for these..

  3. mamajo23

    You are so funny. Loved reading this and glad you won’t do those boring ( in my humble opinion) canned pregnancy posts about weight gain and cravings. I so do enjoy your writing voice though.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I have conflicted feelings about writing about pregnancy on an infertility blog so I’ve just decided not to. I dread to think what drivel I will write now I don’t have infertility to lament about incessantly!

      Reply
  4. Smile

    Please don’t stop blogging! And I am interested in how the pregnancy is going – perhaps we could write our own snarky pregnancy after infertility hell update template? Similar to the IVF stims update template you wrote and then I stole, it could be a fun way to explain what I think of as the weird and wonderful science experiment that is pregnancy after all the infertility shite. Just think about it, is all I’m saying. Had to google Henry Cavill, and agree, I think he will do nicely as one of the lead roles in your dystopian love triangle…

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I forgot I did that! I managed to update my own template twice then forgot all about it. Does not bode well! As much as I’ve enjoyed following some pregnancy after infertility blogs, at some points during the last couple of years of IVF I found them very difficult to read. I can’t shake that feeling and it’s put me off wanting to blog about pregnancy.

      I can’t believe you had to Google Henry Cavill! Where have you been hiding the last few years?!

      Reply
  5. Fertility Doll

    Good Lord she’s trusting you to light something! I am saying prayers for Mr BB and your house. Btw.. your fantasy.. sounds a bit Hunger Games like. I’ll join the rebels but I want a special badge.

    Reply
      1. barrenbetty Post author

        Dude, have you not ever been to the future? It is POST APOCALYPTIC. We are all starving and having to hunt with bows and arrows. Chocolate, good grief. Yeah, you be in charge of chocolate Infernal *eye roll* and I will go and hunt some squirrels for tea.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Light it… On the STOVE no less! Score! I hope I don’t accidentally burn myself.

      What do you mean my fantasy? It’s my future PLAN. And also, what do you mean it sounds plagiarised? Someone has already written my exact future? In a FILM? Oh my god. I knew I was important!!!

      You can have a badge.

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh gosh I need to do the moxa stick today but I feel like I should be supervised. She told me to light it on my gas stove! If you never hear from me again, there is a high probability that I spontaneously combusted.

      Reply
  6. spiritbabycomehome

    My vote if it counts for anything is on you carrying on blogging your stream of consciousness banter. No reason you can’t blog about whatever strikes your fancy. Like Guillaume Canet for instance. Glad the NT went well.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you! It was a big relief to reach this milestone.

      Oh dear, if my blog turns into a stream of consciousness directly from my brain I dread to think what will become of it 😉 Maybe it’s best to let it out though? What if all of this just stays in my brain festering? What will happen to me?

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Haha. You don’t mince your words MLACS do you. No, I’m definitely not blogging about pregnancy. I can’t promise not to blog about my boring life, but for your sakes I hope I can stop myself! Although I enjoyed following some pregnancy after infertility blogs, I often found them difficult especially during particularly depressing moments over the last couple of years of IVF. I don’t feel comfortable writing one. It’s bad news for the internet because I dread to think what drivel I might post instead.

      Reply
      1. mylifeasacasestudy

        Yeah I found them (PAIL blogs) difficult too–but what’s worse is when a blogger you love stops blogging! Especially during pregnancy, giving no proper “ending” to the story. I can handle you b*tching about rabbits in your garden, just don’t disappear! XO

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        I know, that makes me so sad when they disappear. I’ve found quite a few that I followed through to having babies disappeared once their babies were born. I think I’m probably being daft because I have enjoyed reading other people’s blogs but I really can’t bring myself to blog about pregnancy when I know how hard it can be to read.

        There will be plenty of bitching about rabbits. You’ll be bored to tears in no time.

  7. ecutri

    I have to say, I’m loving the tampon. You do what you need to do and I’ll be here to read it regardless if its about pregnancy, infertility, penis shaped objects (I giggled when we saw our little guys wiener on the screen and immediately thought of you), or boring shit. I’m just glad things are finally going right in the world for you and for me 🙂 <33

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I did laugh out loud when I saw you posted that on your blog!!

      Yes, I’m very glad things are finally going right for us both. When I think back to last summer I can hardly believe we are both here now. Lots of bums <333

      Reply
  8. kelly

    OMG Don’t stop blogging! I just found you today. I am 5dp5dt and mental! Woke up all boo-hooing and you made me laugh!!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh no, you are in the prime mental zone at 5dp5dt! I’m a horror for testing early, but I have to say, that does only tend to feed the mental. Is it your first cycle? Good luck for your test day! x

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I am definitely carrying on reading everyone else’s blogs. You can’t get rid of me that easily! I would like to keep blogging, but not about pregnancy. I fear it’ll be so boring everyone reading may eventually die from boredom.

      Reply
  9. myhopejar

    Oh Betty, I just love you! You crack me up every time! And now you have me fantasizing about Henry Cavill too. Haha! Love your posts, baby related or not. Please don’t ever stop blogging! Hope all was good at your NT scan yesterday and that the bleeding has stopped!

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hello! I’ve been wondering how you were getting on.. not long for you now!! I need to catch up and see if you’ve posted an update. I’m glad I’ve found another Henry Cavill fan 🙂

      Yes, I feel very relieved the scan looked okay. It’s hard to believe this is actually happening… I had completely given up hope after my last IVF cycle. It doesn’t seem real x

      Reply
      1. myhopejar

        Oh yes, I am a huge Henry Cavil fan! 🙂 I’m good and yes, only 4 more weeks until my scheduled c-section!

        I’m so glad everything is great. I’m so glad you didn’t give up! It will start to feel more real as more time goes on and you start to really show. I still can’t believe it sometimes myself, but then little man gives me a hard kick and I know it’s really happening 🙂

      2. barrenbetty Post author

        Ah, 4 weeks!! Whoop! I cannot wait to see a picture! It probably hasn’t for you, but it’s whizzed by for me. I can’t believe you are so close already x

  10. EmilyMaine

    haha you are so funny, you must continue to blog! My acupuncturist has threatened to send me home with moxa but I don’t want one! I’m not good with at home treatments. That’s why I pay HER! Freaking hey. I’m already upping the ante by remembering to take 7342 supplements at different intervals throughout the day – some with water on empty stomach, some with food, some mixed with lemon juice. It’s BUSY. Enough already.

    Reply
    1. liesap

      If it wasn’t for you, Betty, I wouldn’t know what a moxa stick or magic erasers even were! Forget about pregnancy blogging. Continue to enlighten me as to these wonderful inventions.

      Reply
      1. barrenbetty Post author

        I feel the weight of responsibility now to teach you further about other important things. Probably nothing is as important as magic erasers though. Those beauties will change your life forever!

    2. barrenbetty Post author

      Ah yes, I too felt like I should get somekind of degree (or at least a badge) for remembering to take so many supplements a day. It’s a challenge! I did my moxa. I lit it on my gas stove and the whole thing seemed like an accident waiting to happen but I survived, and my belly button got warm. Job done!

      Reply
  11. NotSoNewtoIVF

    If you stop blogging I’ll cry, and I’m well ugly when I cry so don’t.
    Also, am reworking my way through the tudors and always think of you when Henry C pops up!

    Reply
  12. eli

    I would totally read a blog about rabbits and phallic objects if you were writing it. (And let’s face it, no one else would be writing it.)

    Reply
  13. Over it

    I remember reading this post ages ago and laughing at your sealed moxa stick. My acupuncturist gave me some too but they weren’t wrapped up and they look like joints. I had to hide them when the landlord came over in case he thought we were bad tenants…. Oh how I wished they were big fat doobies.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve been bad and not used it as much as I should have. Oops. I have no excuse other than pure, pure laziness. You’ve reminded me I really need to get back on it. And they really do look like joints!!! The smell pretty strange too… I’m sure my neighbours will think I’m up to no good if they get a whiff!!

      Reply

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