Exciting acupuncture update of the week… I have been entrusted with my very own moxa stick. I am to warm my belly button with it every other day. I haven’t unwrapped it yet and it looks like a tampon. Behold:
At the end of last week I “booked in” with the midwife (that sounds like checking in at the airport and it took about as long) and today I have had my NT scan…
…and I don’t want to write a pregnancy blog. I know, I know. No headless bump pics, no musings on my symptoms to feast your hungry infertile eyes on. You won’t know if my wedding ring is on or off or how many pounds I’ve gained. I am so sorry. I think this is it in the way of pregnancy updates from me.
Wait. There was one exciting moment during the scan where I was asked to go and “almost” empty my bladder, but not quite. I weed hard for a solid 30 seconds. My bladder was still full. Mysterious.
Okay, now I’m done.
If I carry on blogging I can see where this is going and it ends in lots of posts about ways to catch and deport all the fat bastard rabbits who gorge themselves at my allotment, ways to have people who annoy me in the swimming pool arrested and pictures of signs I like* (and I fear even more rocks/crisps/clouds/trees that look like penises). As much as I love myself, I’m really not sure it’s a blog worthy life.
*This is from the hotel toilet of the mini break I went on before my viability scan. I had a whole blog post planned… then I had heavy bleeding and forgot all about it. Behold the sign in the toilets:
Who doesn’t post hand towels through letter boxes? I didn’t need a sign to tell me that.
The main thing I wanted to write about during our mini break was that I found the place I am going to hide when the world goes to shit and I am the leader of rebels in the post apocalyptic dystopian future. I have a picture of it, but maybe I shouldn’t show you incase you follow me there. Or maybe I should so that you can meet me there and join my army. Ok, I’ll show you, but remember that I am the leader**.
Behold, base camp (there is a cave to the right slightly camouflaged by foliage that will be my headquarters:
**Also, two hot men will fight over me and one will look like Henry Cavill and one will
be look like Eric Bana. I will (obviously) be unable to choose between them, partly due to them being hot and partly because I am very busy being the leader of the rebels. I am also deep and mysterious which further adds to the problem and confuses everyone because nobody knows what I am really thinking. I will probably end up (accidently, also probably without realising it myself) making them both fall in love with me. (I also don’t realise how beautiful I am, even though it is dead obvious to everyone else around me.) When I realise what I have done, I will probably question who I am and leave on a long trip of self discovery to find myself and reconnect with my purpose in life. I will probably get captured and Henry and Eric will have to join forces to come and rescue me and maybe one of them will nearly die.
OH GOD STOP ME. THIS IS WHY I NEED TO STOP BLOGGING.
P.s. I watched the film “Last Night” last night. Shite. It did however draw my attention to Guillaume Canet who is my new current fancy. At least he was hot in that film, but less so when I googled how to spell Guillaume just now. Anyone else on your radars this week?