Normal

I am not sure why I even have this blog anymore since my commitment to updating it regularly appears to have disappeared along with my glasses which I have not seen since well before Christmas.

I have been contacted by a few people asking for an update on my pregnancy and there really isn’t much to update on. Everything is normal so far, and come Friday this week I will hit the big 2-4, viability. Everything is so normal in fact that I have been discharged from consultant care back to the midwife. I don’t think I’ve once been referred to as ‘normal’ during the last few years – suboptimal response, yes, abnormal anatomy, yes, disappointing, poor quality, damaged, yes, yes, yes. I’ll take any normal label anybody wants to give me.

I feel strange writing about pregnancy on an infertility blog, even if that has been the goal all along. Whatever I have to say seems trivial and I can’t help but think about people reading who had their cycles with me in September and are now just staring down the barrel of another go, or giving up entirely. I think about the blogs I followed a couple of years ago when I started blogging and although the majority now have babies, it’s not everyone. I think about friends who have had multiple cycles and multiple failures and I know the desperate, empty sadness so well. I think about how I felt after my first IVF cycle ended with a miscarriage and the subsequent disastrous cycles and BFNs. I think about how never ending the process can feel (and be) and I feel sad for my friends still getting smashed and bashed by that bitch infertility. So every time I sit down to blog I just think about those things and all of a sudden I have nothing to say again. Well, nothing except posts about making felt out of cat hair, taxidermy or Henry Cavill.

I’m not sure about continuing this blog anymore.

Makes me a bit sad after almost 2 years.

BB xx

P.s. I saw the worst taxidermy of a fox last week in a second hand furniture shop that had squiffy eyes and buck teeth, and I didn’t even take a picture of it. I could worry about myself some days.

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38 thoughts on “Normal

  1. Isabelle

    How wonderful that everything is normal. I am so thrilled for you girl. And I am very touched by what you’re saying about your friends who are still trying. But, I would really love to continue to see your blog posts and I want to know how you’re doing. So please consider continuing… I don’t know in what shape or form, but I would still love that connection with you. ❤

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yes, I very much enjoyed being called normal for once… I am hoping it stays that way!

      Aww, you are so kind Isabelle. I am going to have a think about the blog, but I’m not sure what to do about it. I am rooting for you though and very much hoping 2015 is your year 🙂 x

      Reply
  2. Kristen

    I often check for updates but suspected that given your history it would feel weird to do updates. I very much enjoy your posts and I’m so happy that you’ve been deemed normal. I hope that all of us left in this bitch of a fight soon get our happy endings. Thank you giving me giggles and hope. I hope we get to see your bundle of joy and maybe a conversion to happy blogs about your little one. Take care and thank you for allowing me to not feel alone when no one else I know understands this bitch.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you for your lovely comment Kristen. I sincerely hope you get your happy ending soon. Infertility is such a horrible thing to be dealing with and I certainly found it affected many other aspects of my life negatively as well – sometimes it seemed like my entire life revolved around it! I hope you make it out soon and can wave bye bye to that horrible bitch face forever.

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ahahaha! I have most definitely had enough excitement with lady parts! I also have no shame whatsoever after all the infertility tests, procedures and IVF. My friend was telling me last week how stressful she found giving birth and midwives etc poking around her privates and I was like, NOPE, no sympathy from me!

      Reply
      1. hopingonhope

        Oh yeah!! i had a cheering squad for
        Me, push push push. 🙂 and I was there wide open, no modesty. The funny part is if you choose to breast feed be prepared for strange women to come and squeeze your nipples. Ah, romantic!!

  3. hopefulandhungry

    I know how you feel and sometimes feel guilty posting about our daughters. At this point I keep my blog more as a journal so I can look back on how the girls are changing, etc. You are so clever and I love reading your posts, you could continue posting about stuff other than fertility and/or your pregnancy. I’m sure all of your followers would like to continue reading your posts! 🙂

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      And I love reading your posts and I always have… I’m not sure my reasoning really makes much sense because I have enjoyed following many pregnancy blogs and following people’s journey after IVF. It’s just everything I want to say seems trivial now when I think about what some other people are dealing with. I’m going to have a think about it 🙂 I hope you and the girls are well x

      Reply
      1. hopefulandhungry

        We are well, thank you! I agree with your comment, I often have to stop and count my blessings when I think about what other people are going through. When I was still TTC, my heart would hurt a little when I read blogs where people finally got pregnant, but at the same time, it gave me hope because I know they had finally overcome the huge hurdle of infertility. I’m so happy for you! It’s been a long time coming…..xoxo

  4. kiftsgate

    so glad that you are just normal!!
    I think you should stick around and tell us the end of your story. otherwise it’ll be like leaving a book half way which is very frustrating for the reader.
    so here is a song for you today:

    just replace babe with betty!
    xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Yay for being normal! I hope it continues. I agree with you, it’s no fun following a blog that suddenly disappears and has no end. I need to have a think about it all. It seems silly to have a blog I never update then pop up in June with a big announcement as well.

      Oh I don’t know, I can’t cope with thinking this hard. My brain is not powerful enough.

      And boo, my iPad won’t let me open the link!! Nooo. I’ll have to look on my computer tomorrow.

      Reply
  5. mylifeasacasestudy

    I’m glad for the update and pleased for you! I would appreciate it if you would post when you give birth, and bring the blog full-circle. I do understand your reasons for wanting to leave the blog. XOXO

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I agree, it’s kinda frustrating when bloggers you have followed for a while just suddenly disappear and there is no ending. I’m just not sure whether it feels right to me to blog about things now. I will give it some thought, but I’ll let you know the end… no worries 😉 And it’s not long for you now! Yikes, it’s gone by fast for me but maybe not so much for you. Good luck for the next few weeks lady x

      Reply
  6. Elizabeth

    Can you revisit the fox and take a snap? It realy is the least you can do for those of us in the trying-miscarriage-tears-BFN-primal scream cycle. But if you’re too busy….

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Ok. I shall go on a pilgrimage there this week and see if it is still there. Who am I trying to kid, OF COURSE it will still be there! It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. There was also another unidentifiable taxidermy animal. It sort of looked like a really tiny, ugly bear and it also had buck teeth. What could that even be? Maybe it was an otter. It looked more like road kill though and I don’t think otters hang out on the motorway?

      Reply
  7. theskyandback

    Yay for normal! That’s pretty f*cking awesome! I completely understand your hesitancy about continuing to blog. I do love your posts, though — they always make me laugh. Which we all know is the best medicine. 🙂

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Why thank you, I was quite pleased with the normal tag! The doctor laughed at my glee, haha. I’m going to have a think about the blog but I really can’t see me writing much about pregnancy, although I know a lot of people do and I have certainly enjoyed following other people’s stories in the past. Thanks for your comment 🙂 xx

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Oh goodness.. After all the years of infertility I have been blocking anything baby related out of my mind for so long I am going to be the most clueless parent ever!

      Reply
      1. A Calm Persistence

        Considering I checked this message at 4:45am when I was getting up for the gym- I’d say it’s still going strong. Check out my photos on Twitter, just posted a progress pic! Glad to see you’re doing well! 💜

  8. Bob Dobb

    Ah BB, good to see everything’s going swimmingly and you haven’t lost your love of wierd taxidermy. Still photographing phallus shaped rocks & trees?

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      You know what Bob Dobb, I was just thinking about my penis page yesterday and how terrible I have been at updating it. People have sent me all kinds of suspect looking photos of trees and rocks and I have not updated it in ages. Fail. I’ve lost my blog mojo!

      Reply
  9. Karen

    I disagree! A blog about infertility need not be wrapped in despair and sadness. A blog on infertility should give hope and that’s exactly what this does. This is a blog on IVF a process which you have been through so many times and your insight is valuable to all that reads about it. You give us all hope and we want to follow you throughout your journey. Into motherhood and beyond. Much love. KB

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Aww, thank you Karen! I am having a serious mental block everytime I sit down to write anything but I’m going to have a think about what to do with the blog. I don’t feel like I have anything much to say at the moment and it seems pointless having it sat here for weeks on end with nothing on it! I might start a different one, although I have a feeling it will be allotment related and *extremely* boring. Lots of love to you my friend xxx

      Reply
  10. wheresourpup

    Yay glad you’ve updated.
    Would love you to carry on blogging. How did people react (in real life) when you announced your pregnancy? Have you bought anything for the baby?
    Curious/scared to see the fox…

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Well we haven’t told many people at all about IVF, I’ve mainly just told a few friends and my parents know but no other family. At least I thought no other family knew but judging by the massive over reactions of some of my extended family I’m not sure it was as secret as I thought it was!! I mentioned it to my mum who assured me she hadn’t told anyone, all she said was that I was “having lots of horrible treatment at hospital, I was having a really hard time and I was having to inject myself every day with hormones” LOL. Thanks mum, way to keep it a secret.

      I’ve been pretty paranoid so not bought much but I am slowly starting to get stuff now. After so many years of buying things for other people it’s really nice to actually be buying things for us! I hope you are getting on okay 🙂 xxx

      Reply
  11. J

    BB- how are you? How are you feeling? You haven’t updated in so long!! I miss reading your posts. Hope you are doing well.

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hello! Thanks for the message 🙂 I have a draft post in my folder that keeps looking at me that I really need to finish off and post. I have no idea where time has disappeared to! I am very well thanks, and aside from a breech baby I believe everything is going okay in there too. I am currently on a mission to try out everything I can find on google to turn the baby but so far I just look like a bit of a prat with my bum in the air and I still have a baby’s head stuck under my ribcage!

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Thank you! I’m not sure what did it in the end but she did turn just in time for a slightly dramatic entrance into the world almost 4 weeks early! I hope you are well x

      Reply

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