This is the book that just won’t end. So The Final Cycle: Grand Finale wasn’t grand enough was it?

Now I am officially an Olympic Champion Master Expert at *egg collections, I swanned off home last week to treat my pain like the Master Expert I am (wine and analgesics). I expected to feel a bit sore and sorry for myself and that is exactly how things panned out for the first few days.

Anyway, I thought last week had been shit enough but turns out it wasn’t quite shit enough to warrant the end of my story. I started feeling feverish over the weekend and sick. My tummy started to swell and the pain increased. I did what every normal person would do and ignored it so that it would go away. It did not go away. Eventually even someone as strong and brave as me reaches their limit so I called the clinic.

They told me to go back to be checked over. I fully expected them to prod me about a bit and send me packing with some paracetamol and maybe a prescription for anti-hyperchondria tablets. No suck luck. They admitted me as an emergency back to the bloody ward I had my egg collection at, same bloody bed and everything.

FFS OVARIES. You can’t give me any eggs, but you can let germs breed in you. I spent the next 2 days in hospital with IV antibiotics for an infection in my ovary and pelvic abscess. Bastard, bastard, bastard ovaries. Not content on merely being shit, the stupid bastards tried to kill me.

I am home now with a cupboard full of antibiotics and painkillers to pop my way through over the next couple of weeks. I believe this is temporarily going to inhibit my wine intake so I will have to make do with chocolate instead for a bit.

Although the last 6 months of treatment were poor to say the least (think I have reached my swear word quota for this post), and my earlier cycles were also pretty dreadful, we were lucky once. It took a long time and a lot of money and heartache, but I am one of the lucky ones. If someone had come along and offered me my life now when I was sat in hell with my arse glued to the floor, I would have bitten their arm off and I wouldn’t have even chewed.

Ok, so now this is actually the end. The real end. I have no intentions of coming back with some shitty (oops) novella nobody wants to read.

BB xx

11 thoughts on “Epilogue

  1. Sondra

    As if you hadn’t gone through enough.. those f*ucking ovaries. I’m so sorry your pain was so intense and you had to relive everything again. Hugs… I’m sorry.

  2. Mamalife

    Swear all you want. I am sorry about the wine. BTW, how about liqueur chocolate?

    Well, I am sorry this is the end and not the end you wanted. I know saying consoling words is useless, so all I am going to say is am happy you know you have reached your end. There has to be an end to the infertility treatment madness and am glad you have reached yours, although its not how you wanted. At least, now over time, life can resume to be what it should be.

    hope I make sense..

  3. Claire

    I am currently almost 33 weeks pregnant following many years and 3 Ivf cycles. Just wanted to let you know your blog has got me through some dark moments! I’m sorry things have been a bit shitty for you and haven’t turned out quite as you imagined. However I am glad you were lucky once and grateful for the support and comfort I have found in your honest and humorous words! Xx

  4. Dreaming of Diapers

    Shit on top of shit on top of shit…..and you will never reach your swear quota…it’s necessary in these times…I am over it all too…my body is shit and shit likes to hang out with me..I am not that cool and have no idea why shit continues to hang around. Be gone shit…I’m just here…you know that..and keep writing..I don’t care if it’s about shit…I want to read it.

  5. wheresourpup

    Please don’t stop writing. We all know how shit this infertility madness is, we are your people, please continue to share with us what your thinking and going through.
    Hoping your feeling better, physically and emotionally. You’ve really been through it dude, so glad you have your little girl.
    Please don’t leave us!

  6. Amy

    I’m really sorry BB. I have shared an oddly similar journey, with my first child arriving 2 years ago and nothing but failed transfers and empty follicles since then. Thank you for making light of what is a very difficult situation – I’m certain that you’ve helped many people feel less alone in all of this. x

  7. myhopejar

    Sending you lots of love. I’m so sorry you had to go through this on top of everything else. Glad you’re home and healing now. Thinking about you. I hope you keep blogging too. ❤

  8. Maria M.

    I’ve just come home from the clinic, empty follicles and a doctor telling me to quit hoping. I’m sorry for you, I’m sorry for me. Thank you for your blog. I feel a little bit less alone here in hell.

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I am so sorry. IVF is hard enough when it goes normally, but I know first hand how shit it feels when it goes so wrong. It can be such a lonely place too – I often felt so lonely and lost. Sending you lots of love… I hope you have people to look after you this week xxx


Leave a Reply to Sondra Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s