About

I’ve re-written this stupid page about 10 million times over the last 3 years and it never sounds any less stupid.

I am 34. I have severe endometriosis. I tried to get pregnant for 4.5 years. I had a billion hysteroscopies*, 2 laparoscopies and 9 fun months on Zoladex. I had 2 IVF cycles abandoned, 1 that resulted 2 eggs, 2 embryos and 1 miscarriage at 10 weeks followed by an ERPC. I had several more false starts and a cancelled long protocol cycle before starting a short protocol cycle which ended horribly with 1 mature egg, one 7-cell embryo and one BFN. My next cycle was a treat: 14 follicles, 3 eggs, 1 embryo and another BFN. Fuck.

My ovaries kicked it out the park for IVF number 4 with 12 follicles, 6 eggs (all fertilised), 4 blasts and 2 frosties (oh my god). After transferring 1 day 5 blastocyst my baby girl was born at 36+2.

I had my frozen embryos transferred in the hope of having a sibling for my miracle girl but sadly these were BFN too. We decided to have one final fresh cycle, one final roll of the nice before giving up completely and my hope was rewarded with empty follicles and zero eggs. Well thanks universe, you shithead.

Please feel free to comment/complain/whine/tell me a joke wherever you see fit. Or if you want to get in touch then you can email me at barrenbettyblogs@gmail.com

BB xx

*may be a slight exaggeration

18 thoughts on “About

    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hello! I’m so sorry, I only just saw this?! Thanks for the nomination. I really enjoy reading your blog too. I’m sorry I didn’t reply before… I normally get notifications for comments but for some reason this slipped through my radar. How are you doing? x

      Reply
  1. Kate

    Thank you for coming by my blog! This is a rough journey, no doubt…but I’ve found lots of support on here as well! Looking forward to following you on your journey! All the best!

    Reply
  2. LD

    You are a breath of fresh air and have made me smile a lot in the ten mins since I stumbled upon your blog.

    I’m commenting here before I’ve sussed out where you are in your ‘journey’ (I hate that phrase and have a feeling you probably do too), but I really hope it’s worked out for you.

    I’ve got severe endo and am on my first IVF cycle, day one of stimming today after the world’s longest and most boring down regging marathon ever.

    Words of encouragement from my consultant today…

    Me: how many eggs would be ‘good’ for me?
    Doc: Everyone is different. We’ll take it day by day. We’ll still go forward with one egg.
    Me: right, so one then?
    Doc: your bowel is very full.

    Please keep writing 🙂
    LD x

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Hello! Thanks for dropping by 🙂 I hope your first cycle goes well. What are you down regulating on? Have you had any operations for your endo before you started?

      I was completely baffled during my first cycle… and I was definitely told I’d probably “only get 1 egg, but don’t worry, it’ll be a good one.” I always did get a low number, but I got 6 on my last cycle (my 4th egg collection). I think these doctors just guess half the time!!!

      Good luck. Hopefully this will be your first and last IVF 🙂 xxx

      Reply
  3. LD

    Thank you so much 🙂

    Down regging on Buserelin nasal inhaler. And was on the pill for 21 days before that.

    Yes, had laparoscopy treatment for the endo in Dec last year. Wretched endo! It was everywhere except my tubes and on both ovaries. I actually got pregnant on my cycle following the treatment but had a missed miscarriage – the embryo didn’t make it past being an empty sac sadly but my body didn’t realise it for a couple of months.

    I’ve caught up on your posts now and am so happy for you – your last cycle sounds amazing and I’m keeping everything crossed for you. I hadn’t thought about the fact that cycles might improve – my head has been in donor egg territory to be honest.

    I hope things are still going well for you all. I’ll keep reading 🙂 Keen to find out what happens to the music in antenatal care.

    I’ve been on a cycle buddy group where all the women seem to have AMH by the bucket load and they are getting 15 odd eggs and blastocysting all over the shop. Your posts have given me some hope for those of us who aren’t quite so chicken like.

    Xx

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      That’s a good sign your body knows what to do, but I’m so sorry you had a miscarriage. Seems particularly cruel when you’re struggling with infertility.

      I’ve done some super long down regging cycles (for some reason my body didn’t like them and two were cancelled… grr). Long protocols like that aren’t fun. Once you get to stims it’ll all pass a lot more quickly I promise!

      After my third cycle was total shit (14 follicles, 3 eggs, 1 fert) the doctors told me to think about donor eggs and adoption. I decided on a final last ditch go and got 6 eggs, 4 blastocysts, transferred 1 and had 2 frozen. Never in a million years thought that was possible (and neither did the doctors!). I hope your ovaries surprise you too!

      One good thing about endo is that your lining is usually good so that’s one less thing to worry about. Let me know how you get on 🙂 x

      Reply
      1. LD

        That’s brilliant – I can’t imagine getting enough eggs to go to blasto but will think of you to keep my mind positive! Take care, I’ve got everything crossed for you xx

  4. LD

    Correction to above: I now can’t imagine getting enough eggs to get to transfer. Happy Halloween! 8 days stimming. Four follicles. Two under 5mm with no chance at all (wtf?!), 1 ready to go now (4 days too soon) and 1 that they think can catch up (16mm). This is even worse that I thought! EC or at least empty follicle collection brought forward to Mon. I’ve been reading your posts to get through today – and they help a lot and give me respite from my pity party.

    How are you doing? I hope things are going really, really well. I have a good feeling for you for your scan this week (had a bad feeling for me so I reckon I’m on a roll) x

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      Urgh that’s so frustrating 😦 I’ve had cycles with very low follicle numbers and only 1-2 mature eggs but I always had an embryo to transfer… try not to lose hope yet. I know it’s AWFUL though and so miserable to go through it all for such little in return. And it’s so depressing when everyone else around having IVF seems to get 10-15 eggs no problem! I’m so sorry it’s not looking better. I know what it feels like to feel defeated before egg collection has even happened.

      I’m fine thanks. Had some bleeding which has not been welcome at all but other than that just twiddling my thumbs waiting for the scan.

      Fingers crossed your ovaries will cough up a golden egg or two and you can have an early transfer. Let me know how you get on. I really feel for you.. IVF cycles like this are so tough to go through xxx

      Reply
  5. LD

    Ahh thanks – you are one of my few sources of inspiration right now. I will plod on!

    So sorry you’ve had a bleed – that’s totally not what you need. I know you’ll know how common it is and that so many women experience it with everything turning out just fine. If you’re anything like me, you were probably on constant knicker-watch anyway and going to the loo must be even scarier now – but trust your body, it’s worked hard for this and it’s all going to be fine. Really, really want you to get the reassurance you deserve at your scan. Got everything crossed. If (and it’s a big if) I get to the next step I’ll be transferring on the same day I think. Will be thinking of you!

    A golden egg would be an absolute winner – I wonder how my chance of that compares to winning the lottery? Surely the chances of an egg-embryo-bfp coming through are better than that! Feel like I’ve got to be really proactive with my next steps if more treatment is needed. I’m 34 now (contrary to what my ovaries may think) and will have to pay for treatment from here on so want to find somewhere that will personalise treatment as I am now officially a ‘poor responder’ and have wasted 2 years already.

    This shiz is brutal but not chucking the towel in yet. Stay strong x

    Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      SO much good luck for tomorrow! Let me know how you get on. If you want to email me my email is barrenbettyblogs@gmail.com.

      The bleeding has been most unwelcome but it’s not panicked me much. It’s not that bad…. I think it might be irritation from the Pessaries from Hell.

      My first IVF cycle I only got 2 eggs and I was pregnant for 10 weeks. I know it, err, didn’t end well, but I think that was down to epic bad luck. I know a few people who have babies from one egg and one early embryo too. It’s obviously not ideal, but it’s possible. I’ve got everything crossed for you that you get some good news tomorrow xxx

      Reply
    1. barrenbetty Post author

      I’ve just had a very quick read of your last post (sorry, I’m just on my way out the door!) and WOW you are so like me! I was a bad responder, but made good embryos. We had 3 cycles before I had my daughter and had 2/3 day transfers each time but that last 4th cycle we got 6 eggs and had a blastocyst transfer. The only difference was I had acupuncture for 6 weeks before the cycle and during it, and I had HCG boosters post transfer. I was already on the maximum dose of everything the clinic would offer me. Having said that, I also took ubiquinol for a few months before hand and vitamin D. I would never, ever have believed that 4th cycle would be so much better. I wish I knew what made the difference… sending you lots and lots of luck and love xxx

      Reply

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