Tag Archives: Anti-Müllerian hormone

The AMH News Report

I am aware that I have been somewhat quiet of late. Maybe you are less aware. Probably. Whenever anyone else posts, “I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long!” I usually think either a) have you? or b) who are you again?

I kept going to write something, but I just kept writing long, whiny posts filled with boring crap. I also (thought I) was on the verge of getting news everyday: about to go to an appointment; about to get some results; about to get a New Plan. However, as I’m sure you all know All Too Well (I sang that in a Taylor Swift voice) waiting is par for the course with all this IVF shizz. More waiting. More admin fuckery. Blah blah. The main news I have to report is that my AMH is 9.66. The nurse was very sad faces about this as it is apparently “very low” for my age. I am aware that a lot of you ladies have much lower AMH than me. I was sorta expecting it to be lower given the amount of invasive surgery I’ve already had on my ovaries. I’ll take 9.66, thanks.

My antral follicle count was 25 – 12 on the left and 13 on the right. I don’t understand how that fits with low AMH and I can’t be bothered to find out.

The upshot of this is that I will probably be having 400 Menopur instead of the 225 I had last time. I feel irritated that the other clinic never bothered to properly check my ovarian reserve. I’m not sure what they based my dosage on other than I have severe endometriosis. I feel irritated that they wrote in my notes (and also told me at egg collection) that my response was “sub optimal”. Well, I recall them informing me that I “might only get one egg”. Pretty sure that 2 eggs = pretty fucking optimal according to that. I think they knew exactly what they were doing, and they gave me a low dose on purpose. They told me not to worry because I’m only 30 which means that “the one egg we get will be a good one”. Yeah well, thanks for that. Dick heads.

I should have known a couple of weeks ago what my next plan of action would be. I should have known last week. I should have known this week. I could go on about this for a very long time but I’m tired, so luckily for you I won’t. I will tell you that I have an appointment with the consultant (Dr Hero!) again on Monday so hopefully a New Plan shall be forthcoming then. If it’s not, I am going to go mental. Mental in many, many ways. Many you couldn’t even imagine. Don’t try; it will break your mind (this is coming from a person who a few weeks ago spent several days in bed. Not asleep, not reading, not crying, not watching TV. Just lying there. Like a statue. All day.)

I don’t know what to say. I appear to have failed at not writing a long, whiny, boring post. Sorry about that, but I think I’m about to projectile vomit a big dirty whinge-boo-for-me right in your faces. Two of my cousins are due on my non-due date. A lot of my friends are currently pregnant. Scratch that, most of my friends are pregnant and most have babies. Most are annoying. Most don’t understand. Most feel awkward around me. Most don’t want to know how I am. Most are very happy right now with babies and houses and good jobs. Most can spend all their hard earned savings on nurseries and family cars and houses with gardens. Most have families around them who are excited and happy, not sad and disappointed. Most have lots of friends to hang out with in the same boat as them. Most are pregnant; most have babies.

Sorry, I’ll clean that up later.

I’m attempting a new Get My Shit Together routine which includes Eating Properly and Doing Exercise: current World Record is 50 lengths in 35 minutes (sandwiched by a 5 mile power walk). I am intermittently stopping being an alcoholic but that only seems to last a couple of days, then a nice glass of Sancerre has my name on it and you know, one thing leads to another.

I have missed my virtual world the last couple of weeks so I shall endeavour to be more present in it from now on. I bet you have missed me too, you guys.

BB xx

P.s. Any more current fancies? I have a new one: Pasha from Strictly Come Dancing. This will be meaningless to any Americans, sorry. When I go on Strictly, I hope I am paired with Pasha.

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I know what you are thinking

In my last exciting barren-post instalment I told you (I know, I know, you probably remember, you guys x) that my new clinic has nice flowers in the waiting room. I have big news people, BIG NEWS. The flowers are fake. FAKE. What does this mean? Is it a bad omen? But they look so real! They even have bits on them that look a bit dead, and new buds, and half open buds. Is it wrong to have a really convincing fake flower plant in an IVF clinic? I am feeling all kinds of symbolism wrongness.

I really, really wanted to take a picture today, but for some reason this clinic employs about 25 Receptionists. Everytime I went to take a picture, I sneaky looked over at them and they were all giving me supportive-bosom-squashing-cuddle-faces and blowing me kisses.

I will make it my life’s mission this cycle to take a picture and show you so we can discuss its meaning.

I had my AMH tested today. Does anyone know anything about this? I’m anxious that I am going to fail. I also had my BMI tested. The nurse measured me (170cm, fact fans) and weighed me. Either the machine ran out of batteries, or I broke it. Whatever, it wasn’t working. I told the nurse my weight (weighed by my own fair hand this morning on my bathroom scales). She laughed. I told her that they weren’t very accurate (they aren’t), and she said “they must weigh heavy then.” I snogged her.

Also, final bit of news… And I KNOW that you were wondering about this one. The toilets. You don’t need to worry anymore: I have a new usual toilet. I have been to it 3 times now and it is okay. It flushes everytime, unlike my last usual toilet. Today I went for a pre-appointment-nervous-wee and a pregnant lady went into the cublicle next to me. She spent the whole time frantically unrolling toilet roll. She was still doing it when I left.

Small, final, final bit of news. My new clinic is in, how can I put this… a slightly less desirable location of England? I grew up there, so you had better not bitch it out to my face or I will probably fight you, and believe me, I know how to fight because I grew up there. I had a little lolz that they have a sign on the toilet door that doesn’t read:

“These toilets are inspected all the time, ‘cos we are a hospital and it’s clean innit? If it’s not, let us know.”

It says:

“These toilets are inspected regularly by security guards.”

Haha.

Have a good weekend everyone… I am on an allotment clearing mission. What about you?

BB xx

Dr Hero and some bonus jokes

Ok team, slightly disappointed that nobody played Spot the Barren. The answer was three, but I am keeping the prize since I am the only person who got it right.

Good news is, I have been to New Clinic. They were friendly, happy, smiley. If anything, my only criticism is that they were a bit too compassionate… I’m pretty sure the receptionist clasped me to her bosom when I arrived and the nurse gave me a long, understanding 20 second eye stare/hand hold when I informed her of my miscarriage. My new doctor seemed great. I’ve googled him and he has lots of fans online too. He wants to be more aggressive in my treatment as he didn’t feel that 2 eggs were a good enough haul last time.

My overriding impression of New Clinic was that they would be pro active. Their treatments are more personal and flexible. They were professional, but extremely personable and kind. Maybe it’s because I am paying now (*cries into an empty purse*). Who knows. Oh, and the waiting room had nice flowers in it, all good.

I can potentially go again at the end of October if my cycle returns in the not-too distant future. If not, I will down regulate over Christmas for a transfer in January. I think that’s probably the best plan; give my body and mind a bit of a break an’ all. I am terrified of how much worse the endometriosis will get in the meantime, but the doctor (let’s call him Dr Hero) went some way to alleviate my fears on that one.

Next steps are AMH (I’m not sure I am happy about this, sorta don’t wanna know) testing and a few other bloods this Friday, followed by an antral follicle count scan once my cycle comes back (anytime soon is fine by me if you are listening, uterus).

Small bit of Bad News. Paid to get a copy of my notes from Old Clinic. Read notes. Found out by reading notes that I have adenomyosis. Why, thanks for telling me! Apart from anything else, I can’t even say that word for shit.

I’ve been a bit gloomy recently, so here are some things that perked me up this week:

Googles searches for how people found my blog. I thought I should maybe respond/answer a few:

What is a dangerous enemy in sheep’s clothing?

It’s a very good job that you found me, friend. Hope is a dangerous enemy in sheep’s clothing. She leads you up the mountain with sweets and promises, then drops you from a great height. Reminder/warning:

Should I announce my pregnancy on Facebook?

Only if you want everyone you know to hate you.

Dog toilet greeting cards?

Is that a thing? I’m not going to google to find out. Is it “dog toilet, greeting cards” or “dog, toilet greeting cards”?

Don’t give a shit infertility

You tell ’em, sista!

My husband got drunk before EPU

I’m sorry, husbands eh? In his defence, I got completely shit faced before my last visit to the EPU.

Can you drink wine the day before an ERPC?

Hell yes you can.

Fun things infertility teaches you

I guess it depends on how much fun you find stabbing yourself in amusing bruise patterns, learning how to put things up your own bum and having multiple different people shine torches up your private parts while they rummage around.

Wee naked barren

Is that a command? I only normally do that in private, sorry.

Australian greeting anagram oldtoad

Was this you Ivffervescent? I’m not sure why you need to know, but as requested “G’day old toad” is an anagram of “old goaty dad”, “told dad yoga” and “dog told lady”

Ovarian torsion jokes

Ok, I’m not 100% convinced that ovarian torsion is that funny but here you go:

What did the left ovary say to the right ovary at the school dance? Lets to do the twist.

Ok, that is crap. Umm.

What did the left ovary say to the right ovary who twisted on its stem? Oh-vary dramatic of you.

No. Turns out everyone I know is right. I will never be a comedienne.

I’ll stop there before I go on forever. One final picture from outside a church that made me lolz proper:

BB xx