Tag Archives: embryo transfer

I slipped on a banana skin.

I really did. An actual banana skin. In the street. FFS. Who eats a banana then chucks the skin on the floor anyway? Since when did litter louts start eating fruit? AND I can confirm that when you slip on a banana skin, you really do slip like they do in the cartoons: legs in the air, arse on the floor. Behold, the offending banana skin:

I’ve been watching a lot of South Park in a bid to cheer myself up this week and it has the look of a jumping and waving Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo to me*.

At first I thought I’d slipped in dog sh*t/Mr Hankey, then I saw it was a banana skin. I am adding this to my portfolio of evidence that someone up there has it in for me.

Apart from that, I’ve not been up to much that doesn’t involve lying face-down crying somewhere. Time is going sloooow. 9dp5dt. I would SO have tested today if I didn’t already have hCG in my system. Boring.

I am still pleased to report there is no sight nor sound of The Witch. I believe that by this time last cycle she had pretty much already been, done her worst, and gone so this is definite progress. My cramps are continuing to be alarmingly painful, but they are coming and going unlike the persistent, escalating cramps of my BFN cycles.

14 days post egg collection during my last 2 cycles I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was over. I’d already stopped progesterone and had a period. 14 days post egg collection following my first cycle I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was pregnant. I have no idea this cycle. The cramps are bad, but they haven’t reached my BFN level Give Up All Hope It’s Over bad. The progesterone and hCG might just be artificially keeping The Witch at bay. Who knows.

Not me. I’ve been very up and down this cycle. I’m sure without the frozen embryos it would have been even harder, so I am very grateful for those*.

*short interlude for a cry.

I’ve already said a lot that this is my last cycle. This road has been too long for me now. It’s over 4 years since we started to try and conceive and 3 years since I started fertility tests. It’s been 2 years since my last ‘big’ operation and 20 months since we started IVF. I have nothing to show for that time except a severely diminished bank account, a few extra pounds and a lot more grey hair. This is getting depressing isn’t it? Forgotten my point. Oh yes, last cycle. (I wonder if when push comes to shove I would actually do one final hurrah cycle before chucking the towel in? Not sure.) I think it has meant the lows and the worries have been worse this time. The weight of how long this has taken and how terrible it’s been along the way is heavy man, heavy, and I’m right at the end of the road.

Well, not quite right at the end because it’s still another 12 days until I get the results of this cycle.

BB xx

*really got that song stuck I’m my head now.

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Blast off! Blast off! Look at me I’m really writing BLAST OFF!

I just got chased by 2 toothless, half clothed mad people who wanted me to, “look at their pants” (Americans, this means underwear) and tell them if they “looked like gay boys.”

Good grief, just what I needed post transfer. Slightly concerned it may have killed off all the chi I had going to my uterus from acupuncture.

Lunatics aside, I am pupo! HELL YES I AM! With a blastocyst, no less. Amazing. The clinic called me this morning and said that we had 1 that was clearly the best and was graded bb (aa is best; ee is worst) and 2 others that were below-average quality and weren’t going to be good enough to freeze.

We jumped in the car and headed to the clinic. Rather too many tractors getting in the way for my liking, but Mr B pulled it out of the bag by finding a space in the car park (always full, ALWAYS) that was about an inch wider than our car. Meant he had to climb out of the window to exit, but still. Thankfully we returned before the people we parked next to did, ‘cos I don’t suppose they were half an inch wide and/or willing to climb into their cars through the boot.

When we arrived (to Ed Sheeran – Lego House, fact fans) and gowned up, the embryologist came to tell us that the embryo we were transferring was progressing and still a bb. Excellent. Then she asked if we wanted to freeze the other 2.

WHAT NOW, LADY.

Yep, my two naff looking early blasts had pulled themselves together (literally, I think) and had been upgraded to bb status as well. They were still not as good as the one I had transferred… something about being more oval shaped I think, but still, suitable for freezing. She also said another embryo had become an early blast but that was very poor quality and definitely too poor to freeze.

So here I am. I survived being chased by toothless maniacs and I am pupo with a blast, with two in the freezer. I mean, probably in the freezer, but I won’t know for sure until tomorrow. I shouldn’t know until a few weeks time when they write me a letter, but I know about this invention called telephones so that won’t be necessary.

The slightly bad news is that since I am having HCG boosters as well as progesterone, my OTD is not until 20th October.

Let the three week wait commence!

BB (and bb, lolz. Sorry) xx

It’s the fert report news you’ve probably not being waiting for, but I have

Making you wait 3 days for a fert report is cruel. I tried my best to keep calm this weekend, but I didn’t do a particularly great job.

There were just too many possibilities and things to worry about. My main worry was that none would fertilise normally. During my last cycle I only had 1 fertilise out of 3 and the doctors were negative about my egg quality at my follow up appointment. After that worry cloud passed, I worried that there would be a low number of embryos and I would want 2 transferred on day 3 but the clinic would want to wait for day 5. I worried that since the egg quality looked dubious, the embryos would be abnormal or poor quality as well.

I turned my phone onto full volume and stared at it for an hour waiting for the call this morning. That was a mistake. I was so full of worry that I nearly had a heart attack when the bloody thing rang at full volume, cried, and made Mr B answer it.

The one thing I didn’t consider even for a nano second was that all 6 would fertilise normally.

Just to clarify, all 6 fertilised normally.

One of them has arrested so there are 5 left now, all graded good (they rate them 1:1 being worst and 4:4 being best and these are all 3:3 to 3:4). The cell numbers vary from 5-8. Since they all look similar, they want to wait until day 5 to see which one is best.

I never thought this would happen, but fingers crossed, we will have a blast to transfer on Wednesday.

I’m determined not to spend the next 2 days freaking out that they will all arrest before then. I’ve always wanted to transfer a blast, and now that is a real possibility. I guess there is even an outside chance of a frozen embryo still.

I’m celebrating now by eating a danish pastry.

I really hope my luck holds out for another couple of days and we get to have a transfer.

I lied about not freaking out just then. I’m still a bit of a worry factory.

BB xx

That was a very long couple of days

Oh hell yes it is… a very almost perfect 4 cell, 2 day embryo with no fragmentation. Thank. Goodness.

Yes, just one 2 day embryo from 14 follicles is a disaster by any standards, but let’s face it… all my cycles have been terrible. I’ve been lucky to get to have a transfer at all every time. I’m going to count my lucky chickens that this one made it.

It turned out that they think although all three eggs looked mature, two of the three probably weren’t quite matured properly and it led them to fertilise abnormally. The message was the same as it always is – bad luck, your eggs look fine, shame we couldn’t get more of them.

4 mature eggs from three fresh rounds of IVF is truly terrible though isn’t it? My AMH is 9.66, I’m 31 and my FSH varies from 5 to 7. There is clearly something wrong with me. It can’t just be bad luck that this happens over and over again.

Anyway, I have spent the most part of the last few days in bed, crying and I am exhausted. Excuse me while I go sleep for a week.

BB xx

I have the plague

I definitely have the plague. It can’t be anything else because I feel too poorly. My fever peaked at an impressive 103.5F today. Isn’t that close to the temperature when you set on fire or melt or something? I’m pretty certain I saw a unicorn last night, or hallucinated one in my feverish delirium. I told Mr Barren off because he really isn’t showing much interest in how poorly I am. This is as good as it got:

ME: I am so poorly. I’m a feverish and shivery and all my joints hurt. I feel like I’ve been trampled.
MR B: oh dear.
ME: you aren’t being nice enough to me. I need looking after.
MR B: I’m not really am I? exaggerated oh dear voice poor widdle Betty.
ME: you are useless.
MR B: shall I go and get you some lemons then or something?

Seriously. I feel SO POORLY. Are you bored of this yet? My chest is tight and wheezy. I feel a serious cough about to erupt, and when I cough it’s not a normal cough, it’s like polar bears fighting. I’m so sure I’m going to cook or cough this embryo out. Can that happen? I can’t believe it. This is the worst I’ve felt since I got a chest infection for 4 weeks in April 2003.

Oh yeah! My NEWS!

Guys, I AM PUPO!!!!!

After the lamest cycle ever and a 3 day wait for a fertilisation report, I finally got word this morning that one of the eggs fertilised normally. This was a very protracted conversation that almost lead me to heart failure, but I won’t bore you with the details. Don’t get me wrong, I totally normally would, but if you remember: I am poorly.

We had one 7-cell, 3 day embryo which by the time we rolled up for the transfer was a compacting 7-cell. I am having a wobble that it is an uneven number and it should be 8 cells, but a chance is a chance. The embryologist assured me compaction was good progress and showed me a picture of the embryo on the TV screen. You guys, it looked goddam perfect. All round and compacting. They grade them on a 1-4 basis on development and quality where 1:1 is the worst and 4:4 is the best. My little unicorn fighter is 3:3. At least that’s what the embryologist said, but it looked like a textbook perfect one to me. Maybe she was just jealous or something?

I think I’d better go back to bed. Lolz, okay I’m already in bed but I’m going to lie back down now. Anyone who wants to reassure me that the plague won’t kill the embryo, I can’t cook it or cough it out or sick it up etc etc is most welcome.

*high fives every single one of you*

BB xx

P.s. Don’t say The Thing.
P.p.s I am never going to mention The Thing again.

“Barren” Betty

So, I bet I know what you are wondering. Why isn’t it possible to lick your own elbow when it really, really looks like you can when you look at your own elbow? Why do I always, always put my knickers on inside out even when I try really, really hard to work out which way round they should go before I put them on? When there is so much air around, why do flies always fly straight into my hair or into my eyes? These are questions I can’t answer, so please stop asking them.

I imagine you are also dying to know what have I been doing the past two weeks while I have been navigating the dreaded Two Week Wait. Yes? Thought so. Well, I can tell you that I have been a busy girl. Evidence:

1. I have read a lot of books (current tally, five since egg collection, plus two that I just can’t get into and yet persist in a half-hearted I’ll-read-a-chapter-on-the-toilet kind of way). I am currently reading Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, thanks to an excellento recommendation from Red Blue Bird.

2. I have taken a lot of naps. These have been highly successful since a) I am knackered all the time b) I am very lazy c) I have had crap all to do all day the last two weeks, and d) It is hot.

3. I have seen a deer swimming in a lake for the first time in my life.

4. I have embarked on a number of ill-advised bakery exploits that have generally ended in a big sticky mess, albeit a sticky mess that tastes okay provided that you eat it with your eyes closed.

5. I have spent a lot of time complaining about cramp and how scared I am about stopping progesterone today.

Between all the reading, napping, deer safari-ing, crap baking and whining, the Two Week Wait has passed pretty quickly for me.

So (drumroll) the verdict is in, and I am Officially Pregnant For The First Time Ever. I feel very lucky, especially since I barely scraped through the whole process with any eggs, embryos, or sanity to show for it at the end. I hope I stay pregnant; I am in unchartered territory now and I don’t know what to expect. The clinic told me there is a 20% chance of miscarriage, which I will endeavour not to think about. I am still panicking about stopping progesterone so early, but it is how they roll at my clinic and they do have a very good success rate. I guess I’ll just have to trust them and hope that my ovaries or corpus luteum or whatever is supposed to be mixing up and making the progesterone is better at it than I am at baking.

So that’s it. I’m pregnant and Betty is currently not barren.

(not so) BB xx

P.S. Just spoke to the clinic again and convinced the nurse to ask the doctor to write me another progesterone prescription for an additional 2 weeks, score. She seemed to think I was mental, but I don’t care.
P.P.S. Viability scan is booked for 12th August. Please be viable, please be viable, please be viable.
P.P.P.S. Please don’t freak me out with progesterone-stopping stories of doom, I’ve read loads on Google already ta.

Symptom Watch: 8dp2dt update

Symptom Watch is boring. My cramps were terrible by Saturday evening and I really thought it would be game over on Sunday. In actual fact, by Sunday the cramp had done a runner and I didn’t have it no more. Nothing. Nada. I was still as bloated as Father Christmas after he’s eaten all the mince pies and sherry on 24th December, but no cramp. I spent a while doing what any other sane person would do on a 2WW – I searched Google for clues. I didn’t find any.

So yeah, symptom watch is boring. This morning I woke up and my cramp was back with a vengeance. I’m currently 8dp2dt and Official Test Day is Friday. It felt like my period was about to start and I was uncomfortable and sore (still am come to think of it, so what is going on with my tenses I do not have a good answer for).

I made some lemon cupcakes to cheer myself up (result: look like dog sick, but taste really good. Standard outcome of all my cooking adventures), and I went for a walk down the river into town. I saw approximately 50 pregnant women, 250 women with babies and 1 mad man shouting at ducks. Because 5 pregnancy tests aren’t enough, I swung by the chemist and bought some more with pink dye ‘cos I heard on the grapevine those are more sensitive. I ambled back along the river through the dappled shade and read my book in the sun for half an hour. So far, so nice.

I don’t know how to say this without being gross, so I won’t try and I’ll just be gross. I felt something of a “discharge” from “down there” on my walk home. Nobody looked at me funny (the mad man did, but he was talking to ducks so we can discount him), so I thought it couldn’t be anything too drastic. On inspection I was right and it wasn’t too drastic. A little tiny bit of brown blood. A little tiny bit of brown blood that looks suspiciously like the little tiny bit of brown blood that arrives just before my period starts.

I didn’t need anymore persuading. I took a test.

I was about to end the post there just to be annoying, but I won’t.

The test was quite clearly (but faintly) positive.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. I still can’t believe my eyes. I kept trying to sneak up on it; like if I caught it by surprise it might reveal itself to be lying.

I’m aware that it’s very early days still, but whatever. I’m excited. I hope the positive line keeps making an appearance until Friday, but even if it doesn’t I still know that at least one of my average little embryos made it this far. I am currently the most pregnant I have ever been in my life and I am taking today as a win.

Betty 1 – Infertility 0.

BB xx