Tag Archives: Endometriosis


Why hello friends.

I took the train to my scan yesterday so here is the latest instalment of Train Journeys To And From The Clinic. Behold:

Small latte and a mozzarella, tomato and basil black pepper baguette, fact fans. Also bonus featured in the foreground is my kindle and reading glasses case.

Another piece from my Train Journeys To And From The Clinic exhibition:

I call this beauty: “I was literally the only person on the train.”

So that was an exciting start to the day. The good news just kept on coming because my lining is a peachy 10-11mm. Luscious. They were extremely busy and running late so decided to perform my scan in the embryo-transfer room. It was very strange being back there after so long. I remembered all my embryos that are gone now and the one that is still here. It was also done by a (very lovely) nurse who took ages and ages. Then a few more ages. Then zoomed off in a panic about something and took a further (Stone) age to return. I missed my train, but was given the green-light go ahead, thumbs up for transfer so who cares.

Oh my God I nearly forgot:

Jason Mraz – I’m Yours

Stevie Wonder – Signed, Sealed, Delivered

California Dreaming’ – The Mamas and the Papas (eye roll)

Coldplay ft. Beyonce – Hymn for the Weekend

The Eagles – Hotel California

Wham! – Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go

Olly Murs – Dear Darlin’

Womack & Womack – Teardrops

This Old Heart Of Mine – Rod Stewart

Soz, I was in there ages.

Bonus fact of the day: it is very nearly my 10 year wedding anniversary. I am hoping that I will be pupo this year. I never thought when we got married all those years ago the road to babies and parenthood would be quite so littered with pot holes, rabid dogs and blind hills as it turned out to be. Anyway, I have one more day of buserelin, then I up the estradiol to 10mg (does that make anyone else sick? I am all the sicks), start Utrogestan (*weeps*) and continue with Evorel patches every other day until a week on Wednesday when everything crossed, we will have an embryo to transfer.

We have almost made it to the end of this FET and what will probably be the end of the line for us as far as baby-making goes. I am 90% decided that I don’t want anymore treatment after our miracle frosties have been transferred. We have jumped through all the hoops now for this FET (not particularly elegantly) and the end is in sight. Just a couple more (rather important) embryo-thawing obstacles to navigate.

BB xx

p.s. Apparently 10 year anniversary is Tin. Hmm. If you have any genius anniversary present ideas then please hit me with them in the comments below. Ta chums.





Christina Perri – Human

Alessia Cara – Here

Billy Paul – Me and Mrs Jones

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough – Marvin Gaye

Just for you because I knew you were wondering. So I was back at the clinic today for what should have been my last scan before transfer. Sigh. Looks like we will be playing the Waiting Room Theme Tune Game a while longer.

For a fleeting, extremely unwelcome moment, it looked like it was Game Over. I shall transcribe the conversation because we haven’t done that in a while and that is all the reason I need:

Me: Is everything ok, is everything ok, is everything ok, is everything ok, IS EVERYTHING OKAY

Sonographer: I’m just measuring your lining

Me: What is it?

Sonographer: The nurse will speak to you after

Me: <grits teeth>

Sonographer: Left ovary looks quiet

Me: That is good news

Sonographer: Ah. Right ovary has a large follicle

Me: This is bad news isn’t it

Sonographer: I don’t know. Aren’t you supposed to be down regulated?

Me: I don’t really know how this all works

Sonographer: I think you are supposed to be down regulated

Me: Is it the dermoid cyst? (ever the optimist*)

Sonographer: What dermoid cyst?

Me: The one on my right ovary (Give. Me. The. Dildo. Cam.)

Sonographer: <looks again but properly> Ah yes, I see it. No, it’s next to that.

Me: Are you 100% certain it is a follicle? How big is it?

Sonographer: Oh wait <rummages around> Have you ever had fluid in your tube?

Me: Maybe but they think it might be fluid that is caught in a pocket of scar tissue by my tube. It was there last time so you could compare the scan and see if it is that?

Sonographer: <more rummaging> Ah. Okay. I know what it is. It isn’t a follicle. It is an inclusion cyst.

Inclusion cyst. Why but of course. Because my ovaries are just so goddam friendly.

Anyway, panic over. My lining as it transpires is 7.9mm. Lazy. I usually have an over enthusiastic lining so I truly hope that things are looking normal next Monday and the pisser hasn’t gone overboard in the other direction.

One good thing that did come out of today was that I gathered more evidence that I am in fact a Cylon and/or a mind reader. It is all happening here in England at the moment. Big news is that we have a new £5 note that features Winston Churchill on the back. I was just busy thinking while I waited for my coffee on the way home that I had not seen one of these new notes in the flesh… and the AA numbered ones have been selling for £100+ over on eBay (presumably to complete morons). And literally, right then, I was handed one as change. Behold:

Also included as a bonus feature is my kindle and my coffee set against the back drop of the shit train I was on.

I am struggling to scrub off the gummy sticking plaster marks the oestrogen patches are leaving on my legs so I picked up some baby oil on my way home to see if it helps. I also accidentally treated myself to a new mascara and a bottle of red wine (for my lining). Not totally sure what evening the cashier thought I had in mind but it was probably more fun than it is going to be.

BB xx



Beta the devil you know


Ok, I admit it.

My name is Betty and I am a poas addict.

To be fair, it’s a pretty cheap hit when you can buy 20 for £2.

Telling me that Instead of waiting 9 days, I have to wait three weeks and I can’t test early… Snort. What did they think would happen? That pigs would fly? That I wouldn’t test early?

Of course not, merely testing early would be as useless as trying to fly a pig on hCG boosters. What kind of amateur do they think I am. This required a more sophisticated experiment.

Okay, okay poas police please move on through. There you go, out the back. Keep going, keep going. Bit further. Don’t look at me like that, eyes ahead and keep moving.

*shuts door*

Where was I? Oh yes. My name is Betty and I am a poas addict. I have done the dirty deed everyday and sellotaped it onto a chart. Like you wouldn’t have done the same.

At the start my findings didn’t tell me much at all, then I started to get some readings that piqued my interest. I kept my cool and wished time away every day until I could get my fix and sweet poas in the morning. I have collated a good set of data now and after expert poas analysis, I have an inkling that Monday isn’t going to be a negative.

I’ve been so incredibly lucky this cycle already, I can’t believe my luck is still holding out. I hope I’m not in for a massive face splat fall on my face anytime soon.

BB xx

P.s. I’ve consulted google and my beta needs to be in the region of 8,000 on Monday and definitely more than 5,000. Yikes.

P.p.s I think the chances of me being given my beta results on Monday are slim to none. Just FYI.

That’s beta


Okay, panic over. Some days I really need to remember I’m not a trained doctor and I don’t know everything (only almost everything).

After my minor meltdown yesterday about the hCG boosters, I called up my clinic today for clarification. They are so lovely and kind, even when dealing with neurotic loony bins like me, so I’m glad I called. I would totally go and work there if I was a trained doctor.

They said that the boosters I’m having would equate to around 50-200hCG in my system if they did a blood test straight after I did the jab. Apparently it varies person to person how much enters your blood stream or something. They know I will have a higher amount in my body on Monday since my last injection will be on Saturday night (I’m moving it to Saturday morning, can’t do any harm) and that will be taken into account.

I suppose it’s not ideal – I won’t have a crystal clear picture of how much hCG my body is making (if it’s making any at all). However, if I am pregnant, I will be 5w3d/5w5d so it really should be making quite a lot by then on it’s own compared to the 50-100 that will be left over from my booster.

Make sense? It makes enough sense to me that I’m willing to go with them and do the jabs.

I also have another 6 courgettes* to eat this week from my allotment. They keep growing even though the plants are withered, yellow crusts, buried under mountains of weeds. Two questions:

Any favourite courgette* recipes to throw my way?

Can anybody speed up time for me so that it’s next Wednesday?

Thanks pals,

BB xx

*zucchini if you don’t speak English.

You beta be kidding me


Okay, seriously, 11dp5dt and I STILL don’t know if this cycle has worked or not.

I wasn’t listening to the nurses when I had my transfer. I was so happy to have blastocysts and frozen embryos everything they said went flying in one ear and out the other on a glittery rainbow train driven by fairies. Well, the train has gone now and I’m annoyed and grumpy. This is (a small percentage of) the reasons why:

– I am having hCG boosters every 3.5 days
– My next ones are Wednesday (15th – am) and Saturday (18th – pm)
– My beta tests are Monday 20th and Wednesday 22nd
– Pregnyl has a half life of 24-36 hours and my first beta is 36 hours after my last injection. This means I could still have upto 2,500hCG in my system on beta day!

It’s not going to tell us anything! Even if I’m making my own, it’ll be a drop in the ocean compared to the stuff that is artificially coursing through my veins. There will certainly be no way of telling if the number has doubled or not. Even if it has, surely it will look like it has dropped as the injection leaves my system?

I’m going to have to call them tomorrow. To me it looks like they have just given me an extra week of hCG jabs for no particular reason. I can appreciate that they want me to wait until the 20th since I’ve had the boosters, but that only makes sense if I don’t then have more boosters next week.

I hope I can speak to someone sensible. I’m feeling pretty naff with all the drugs and stress so I also hope I don’t get frustrated and I stay polite.

I think I’ve decided that if they tell me to take them next week anyway, I am going to rebel and ‘forget’ to do Saturday’s injection. It won’t affect a pregnancy – I will be over 5 weeks by then if I am pregnant and it will make the betas on Monday and Wednesday worthwhile.

It’s official. This wait is driving me mad.

BB xx

I slipped on a banana skin.

I really did. An actual banana skin. In the street. FFS. Who eats a banana then chucks the skin on the floor anyway? Since when did litter louts start eating fruit? AND I can confirm that when you slip on a banana skin, you really do slip like they do in the cartoons: legs in the air, arse on the floor. Behold, the offending banana skin:

I’ve been watching a lot of South Park in a bid to cheer myself up this week and it has the look of a jumping and waving Mr Hankey The Christmas Poo to me*.

At first I thought I’d slipped in dog sh*t/Mr Hankey, then I saw it was a banana skin. I am adding this to my portfolio of evidence that someone up there has it in for me.

Apart from that, I’ve not been up to much that doesn’t involve lying face-down crying somewhere. Time is going sloooow. 9dp5dt. I would SO have tested today if I didn’t already have hCG in my system. Boring.

I am still pleased to report there is no sight nor sound of The Witch. I believe that by this time last cycle she had pretty much already been, done her worst, and gone so this is definite progress. My cramps are continuing to be alarmingly painful, but they are coming and going unlike the persistent, escalating cramps of my BFN cycles.

14 days post egg collection during my last 2 cycles I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was over. I’d already stopped progesterone and had a period. 14 days post egg collection following my first cycle I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was pregnant. I have no idea this cycle. The cramps are bad, but they haven’t reached my BFN level Give Up All Hope It’s Over bad. The progesterone and hCG might just be artificially keeping The Witch at bay. Who knows.

Not me. I’ve been very up and down this cycle. I’m sure without the frozen embryos it would have been even harder, so I am very grateful for those*.

*short interlude for a cry.

I’ve already said a lot that this is my last cycle. This road has been too long for me now. It’s over 4 years since we started to try and conceive and 3 years since I started fertility tests. It’s been 2 years since my last ‘big’ operation and 20 months since we started IVF. I have nothing to show for that time except a severely diminished bank account, a few extra pounds and a lot more grey hair. This is getting depressing isn’t it? Forgotten my point. Oh yes, last cycle. (I wonder if when push comes to shove I would actually do one final hurrah cycle before chucking the towel in? Not sure.) I think it has meant the lows and the worries have been worse this time. The weight of how long this has taken and how terrible it’s been along the way is heavy man, heavy, and I’m right at the end of the road.

Well, not quite right at the end because it’s still another 12 days until I get the results of this cycle.

BB xx

*really got that song stuck I’m my head now.

5dp5dt and I’m too lazy to think up a better title

Oh, my. This waiting is as boring as hell.

I have been doing the prerequisite symptom-spotting this weekend since the embryo should have been doing it’s thang and been busy implanting itself. I’ve had a few twinges that got me excited. I mean, I had twinges on my BFP cycle! OH MY GOD. Oh, and on the BFN ones too. Oh yeah. Actually if anything, the twinges on the BFN cycles were more noticeable and just a precursor to my uterus gearing up for my period to start early (9 days post egg collection, fact fans).

Speaking of which, it is 10 days post egg collection today and there is no sign of The Witch yet. I mean, no visual confirmation. I do have cramps from hell. They haven’t changed gear yet though and reached the endometriosis-I-am-going-to-punish-you post IVF failure cramp level just yet. I know that crampy bitch well and she can shove off.

I am pleased that the hCG and progesterone combination appears to be holding The Witch at bay, for now at least. The cramps are definitely escalating though and it’s not making me hopeful.

In other non-news,

1. I am majorly bloated. It’s disgusting. I’ve weighed myself and I weigh the same. Weird. Side note: whenever I say to my husband I “got weighed” (usually followed by lamenting about being fat) he laughs at me. I think it’s grammatically incorrect, but he proper laughs everytime. It’s not funny is it?

2. I walked past this sign yesterday near my house:

If you can’t see it and/or read (why are you looking at blog posts?) it says, “CAUTION: anti climb paint”. Lolz. It made me laugh quite a bit. I would have laughed harder, but as long time readers will remember (you guys) I’ve already laughed at burglar proof paint in the shops once. How is that even a thing? Evidence it is a thing:

Several things perturbed me about this sign. a) There is clearly no paint on the wall… is this invisible burglar paint? b) The sign is really high up. Why put a sign so high up that most people would already have to be climbing up to read it? And lastly, c) it backs on to an old people’s home. Who even wants to steal them?

3. During the composition of this blog post the cramps have become significantly worse.

4. It’s really raining outside.

5. It’s 9am and I am still in my pyjamas, I should really get up and do stuff.

BB xx